I went from a weepy, pathetic shell of a man to a man who is fully in the driver's seat of my life and the direction I'm heading. If you're at the beginning stage of divorce or contemplating divorce, please know, it gets so much easier and there is light on the other side.

After 10 years of marriage, I started seeing red flags of infidelity. I asked her if she was cheating and she said no, but it escalated to her asking for a separation. I was instantly devastated. I did all the things you shouldn't do--begged for another chance, told her I'd change, constantly wanted to talk and fix the relationship, and everything in between. So I started doing what I'm sure most guys in that spot would do--I went to Reddit, forums, and lots of Googling. I signed up for different online courses and programs. Spent way more money than I care to admit. They were somewhat helpful but I was still feeling like I was in my lowest low.

And then a few months into the separation, I found out she was having an affair. And it was with someone I knew. Immediately, she begged me to give her another chance. So now I was at a crossroads. I had an attempt during this time--I was at the lowest low of my entire life. My kids had to witness me become a broken version of myself.

All I wanted was to save our marriage and here she was finally saying what I wanted to hear her say for the last several months. So I insisted that we go to a marriage workshop in person. The day following that, I found out all the things she had been telling me were lies. I was broken...again. And I had no idea what to do. I was so torn.

I saw a friend interact with a post on LinkedIn. It was a post from a divorce coach who was talking about the difficulties of navigating the contemplation stage of divorce. So I reached out to her. I was a bit skeptical because Anna was a woman (thought maybe she'd side with my ex) and I didn't want her to lead me towards divorce--I wanted to make that decision on my own--but I figured it was worth a shot. After an hour-long call with her, I knew it was the right fit for me. We worked together for 3 months and I truly went from being shattered, crying daily, and a shell of myself to now confidently dating after divorce and finally feeling like I can be myself daily.

My advice to anybody in the thick of it, find a coach--skip all the expensive courses and workshops. Find someone who will work with you 1 on 1, understands your goals, and will be in your corner. I'm thankful that Anna Howerton was available when I reached out. And maybe she's not available for you, but there will be other options. There are a ton of resources out there. Don't settle for the "gurus" who are preying on your vulnerabilities and trying to squeeze your wallet. Get a coach who takes the time to understand what your goals are, has tools to help you achieve them, and most importantly, has been there and knows exactly what you're going through.

keep fighting y'all -- there can so much good on the other side of divorce