Married 20 years. 4 kids who are all minors. STBX filed last November.

In our temp. orders I agreed to nesting. She will be buying me out of our family home. We have no debt, and our only major asset is the house. We got a finalized parenting plan through mediation.

I know, compared to many, 11 months isn't a long time. That being said, I haven't contested anything. My whole goal was, and is, to get this over with as quickly as possible (even though I am not the one that even wants to get divorced). I just don't understand what the holdup is.

I am so tired of nesting. It gives my stbx too much power. When I am there, she is texting me to not let the kids do this or that. To make sure x, y & z gets cleaned up before she comes back to the house. It's just a lot of the same micromanaging I had to deal with while we were living together. Now, mind you, I'm not putting up with it (I more or less totally ignore these messages and don't respond, or, in a polite way, tell her to fuck off). I'm tired of it though. SHE decided to divorce ME. YOU don't get to tell me what to do anymore! (Also, I don't like mess/clutter ... I do as best as I can to keep the house clean and picked up. So it just further pisses me off that I am truly trying to keep the house clean and she still continues to send me these messages).

I've been living at my parents' house through the divorce process. I can't really even begin to look for a place of my own until I get the equity from the buyout ... which, my half will should be around $120k.

Like I said in the title, I really want to spend time with my kids. However, I just don't get enough time. I don't feel like a father anymore. I feel like I am the dude who comes over for a little bit with $60-80 of takeout (because cooking and cleaning would use that much more of my time with them) and then they just disappear to do their own things or play with the neighborhood kids. Spending that kind of money a few times every week adds up. I've gotten to the point where, a lot of the time, I don't even get myself something to eat.

I sometimes just find myself asking "What's even the point" of my parenting time? I don't actually even see them except for the 15 - 20 minutes they are wolfing down whatever I brought over for dinner and then they are gone. I feel like a babysitter ... except that I am PAYING to babysit while my stbx goes out and does who knows what.

I love my kids dearly, but sometimes I just want to say fuck it, I'm done.