2 years since my divorce.

MrbigEvil · 2024-10-11T15:21:31+00:00

This sunday 10/13 will be our 11yr anniversary. Been together for almost 15 yrs. She finally told me she's moving out of the house and getting a place along with her mom and our 3 young boys by the end of the year. We have a verbal agreement on how things will hash out and plans to file soon. I keep the house, and only pay her child support.

I know she's been seeing another man for a few months now, i told myself i wouldn't look into dating for a while and just focus on healing and loving my boys.

The thing that scares me the most is being alone in my house and not seeing my boys and putting them to bed on a daily basis before going to work.

Upbeat-Cranberry8040 · 2024-10-09T17:47:31+00:00

I’m in the same position. 25 years . All my adult life with one woman. She was my identity and purpose. I try to fill my weeks with noble activities but they just seem empty, no substance. I think it is because i married at 23, divorced at 48. I relied on her for friends and activities. So my whole purpose and identity was wrapped up in our relationship. Now that I am single I feel nothing has any weight or grounding. I’m hoping this feeling will wear off and I will come into myself.

Results_Coach_MM · 2024-10-09T10:01:36+00:00

If you really think about it the person you in love with is the 'her' that people create in their mind.

When we are by ourselves we make up the stories in our mind about the memories we have and reinforce that memory with emotions of how good it was.

We fall out of love because the stories we tell ourselves no longer match the things we see especially if the other party have found a new person to gush over.

Those memories are real and they will never disappear. However the more you place less emphasis on it the more faint the feeling becomes.

You still have yet to truly let go and so your emotions are reinforcing those memories.

I think the first step is to occupy yourself with your true purpose and passion. Having a mission in life will make life more fun and interesting and along the way you will find someone to walk the path with you.

Exactly65536 · 2024-10-09T09:20:58+00:00

It's time to start dating if you have not done so yet.

Gillilnomics · 2024-10-08T23:58:52+00:00

I’m about to hit two years

Similar situation

I was in despair for a long time, up until just a month or so ago. That’s when I started waking up, and honestly, it’s been great other than having to deal with ex at all.

I get to do what I want when it’s my time with my child. No nagging woman to tell me not to let her have one piece of candy on Halloween. Taking her to cool, exciting experiences without her mom there to be a complete drag.

Not to mention that I’m free to talk to any woman that might care to interact with me. I’ve not actively tried to date other than one time, and I’ll probably avoid it for a while until I’m ready to commit to someone, if ever.

One thing that helps is watching my ex rapidly age, she’s 5 years older than me and has not been taking care of herself. I feel sorry for any man she might get her hooks into, but I hope that they’re happy so that I don’t have to deal with her crap as much.

Oh yea, and all the fun stuff I wanted to do with my friends that was labeled “selfish” (playing music with some of my oldest friends, kayaking once or twice a month, going to a concert a few times a year etc)

Xan-Diesel · 2024-10-08T23:43:13+00:00

Similar story in my case. 16 years and she left the month before our 10th wedding anniversary to pursue a relationship with her affair partner. In my case it’s been over 4 years. Much different issues these days though I remember being absolutely crushed and recall at the time it was the darkest period of my life.

Our divorce was easy, though she didn’t file for quite a while and it wasn’t finalized well over a year after she left (she didn’t see a need to / solipsism and she was still getting benefits paid by me). We used a facilitator which was free and I gave her the cash for the filing. She kept her car and debt as did I. She took half of 10/15ths of my 401k (I put in for 15 years and we were married roughly 10 of those years so she agreed that was what she was “entitled” to) minus a trivial amount in her 403b. We didn’t own a home and she cherry picked possessions.

After 3.5 years of 50/50 custody with zero issues she used my arrest (not conviction - still haven’t been to trial) in an unrelated case as leverage to get a restraining order, saying it was evidence I was a dangerous, violent drug addict and alcoholic (I was beaten up by a woman I’d seen for a couple months, no drugs involved though I’d been drinking prior to the attack).

She got full temporary emergency custody and eventually moved the kids two counties away without my consent. I filed a motion for order and the court said she wasn’t supposed to do that but too late. Now even if I beat the case I’d have to get a new job and new place to live to get custody restored.

Anyway - I’m telling you this to illustrate things could always be worse. I remember being in a really dark place during the divorce. I ended up enjoying the happiest year of my life afterward and now I’m once again in the darkest place in my life. Hang onto the good things and don’t worry about what you can’t control.

potatotornado44 · 2024-10-08T23:18:57+00:00

Stop hitching your wagon to this ass of a woman.

She’s gone. She’s never coming back.

Doesn’t matter why.

You need to focus on what matters to you. Your new life can be whatever you’d like it to be, but hanging onto your former life is not ever going to be productive.

0neMinute · 2024-10-08T22:54:11+00:00

If she ended fast then note she had checked out instead of working in the relationship. Stop giving up your power to someone who didn’t care to put effort into a long term relationship. The new guy didn’t get gold he got fooled.

Title	2 years since my divorce.
Author	cfd2126
Upvotes	11
Comments	17
Date	October 8, 2024 10:46 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fzcw0r/2_years_since_my_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/2-years-since-my-divorce.1532489 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532489

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