How do you move on with life while divorce?

Physical-Aside-5273 · 2024-10-10T01:45:52+00:00

It sucks, but you're going to have to forget about her. What worked for me was going to the gym and getting a nice body. Meeting other women, and realizing that marriage is not a life time commitment, and there are no soul mates. It just is what it is. Reproduction. Not personal. No emotions.

Eric_C_Productions · 2024-10-10T01:40:38+00:00

Well, if you are miserable right now, I feel for you. But honestly, she is gas lighting you. She is making you feel like you are a horrible person, a lousy father, husband, provider etc. She probably is blaming you for everything, am I right? Honestly she is playing on your insecurities, maybe your fears. And you know what?, She is in your head right now. Making you feel like S*@t right now, not wanting you to be happy, not wanting you to live, not wanting you to do anything.

You probably think what do I know, right? I was in the same boat as you my friend. I was married 20 years and together for 24. My ex-wife pulled the same crap on me. She gas lighted me, making me feel like nothing, a loser, a cheater, a horrible father, husband, provider, worker, and cut me down in every way possible. She convinced me that I was a waste of a life. She would tell me everyday how much she hated me, how she ever regretted marrying me, meeting me, even having kids with me, and how I should do everyone a favor in OUR family and kill myself. She said that the best thing I ever did was get a life insurance policy. She accused me of cheating on her with literally hundreds of women. She would interrogate me when I was five minutes late thinking I was out with women. She would go through my phone daily and answer my cell phone calls. She even tried to get me fired and emailed my job and said I had quit. She would berate me in front of the kids, my family, our friends. She hated my family and friends and convinced me that they were no good. I didn't talk to my own parents for years because of her.

You try living with that for 20 years! All day every day. But should I have thought? "MAn, I should listen to her and kill myself. Do something good for once!?" HELL NO! I lived and I endured. I sacrificed my health, happiness and sanity so that I could make sure that my kids had a father. I didn't give up on them. I protected them from my crazy wife. I endured physical and mental violence. I was arrested, went to the ER three times, beaten, stabbed, punched, scratched, had overwhelming stress that resulted in other health issues, and had all of my personal belongings thrown away....clothes, keepsakes, even my car.

My ex-wife blamed it all on me. She felt she was justified in doing what she did to me. She said I brought it upon myself. Did I do anything she accused me doing? Hell no. I was afraid. Afraid of what she was capable of doing to me. She did it anyway. I accepted that as normal. I defended her actions to my friends and family. She made me believe I was the one at fault.

That is what a toxic person does. That is what my ex-wife did to me. Non stop. She thrived on conflict. She reveled when things went bad for me. She said it was my KARMA. If any of that sounds like that with your wife and life, then believe me, you are not alone. I lived to tell. That is what you need to do. Stop being the victim. Stop blaming yourself and stop getting down on yourself. You have your health, your job, your kid and your brain. Use it. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. There are always people who have it much worse. Be fortunate. Live your life. Don't let your wife win. She is like my ex-wife, loving every minute of your demise. Time for you to turn it around. I did and I am a nobody. Just glad I can enjoy another day in my new life without my ex-wife....

Simply_Present · 2024-10-10T01:36:45+00:00

You need to find things to get your mind off it. Go for runs, read books, find a new hobby. Try to get connected with who you were before you met her

lamentforanation · 2024-10-10T01:34:34+00:00

Lots of great advice here. Strategically, I have tried to take ‘an accumulation-of-small advantages’ approach (therapy, physical activities, self-care, meet with a few trusted friends, set new goals, radical acceptance, seeking new interests, journaling, music, learn about new opportunities, etc.). Different things will work to different degrees at different times. Spread that out over time and embrace the process of becoming a wiser and more mature version of yourself. Anyway, that is what I have tried to do. Best of luck.

Glittering-Spell-446 · 2024-10-10T01:30:55+00:00

How can you love someone who didn’t love you?

EvalCrux · 2024-10-10T00:50:46+00:00

Reading n writing this from the squat rack at my climbing gym.

soontobesolo · 2024-10-10T00:29:02+00:00

There are no magic words brother, but it's a process. I would seek therapy, and get your ass to the gym. Now. Even if you don't want to. Your body needs it and your soul needs it. Get the energy out while you rebuild.

It will get better.

Title	How do you move on with life while divorce?
Author	Ok_Trade_1405
Upvotes	6
Comments	8
Date	October 10, 2024 12:22 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1g06e0r/how_do_you_move_on_with_life_while_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-move-on-with-life-while-divorce.1532567 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532567

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