(Edit: I bolded the things I did and can recommend to others in a pinch).

Hi everyone, I have had a tumultuous relationship. For context, my fiance (28m) proposed to me (24m) around half a year ago, but due to us not agreeing on future and generally my anxiety causing self-sabotage, I had returned the ring to him around two months ago.

We continued to stay together and he said he would propose again when we were ready. I am lucky that I am paired with a man willing to put up with my behavior. Since returning the ring, he never stated any feelings about it, but his behavior changed. Indeed I have heard that masculine men do not voice hurt, but they show it. For instance, when I wasn't doing things his way he started to get impatient and critical. He would become furious in places where he once used to be plain angry. I figured that my actions made him insecure though he did not say it.

I moved back to my parents and took a month to self-reflect, self-care, and immerse myself into every healing, CBT and RPW strategy that I knew. I read some books. I practiced feminine energy in any moment that I could. I learned about emotional intelligence, which I lack. I improved my exercise routine and fell in love with my body and even my mind despite all my flaws. I fell in love with my life again, and at this point, having a man is a bonus and not a necessity. During that month I have done much work and can expand on exactly what I did, if anybody is curious. I also achieved a milestone in work. I became more beautiful, people noticed, and I got asked out on dates almost daily.

Until suddenly, it clicked - I no longer felt afraid. I felt blessed by all the wondering things in my life. I prayed to God with thankfulness, and I prayed to open my eyes to see the light and beauty that this man has added into my life. I prayed, "Dear God, let me accept my man exactly as he is. Let me see him exactly who he is." This was my daily prayer, until suddenly I felt ready.

I don't want to make this post very long, but since then, a lot of positive energy has been flowing from my man towards me. I can detail step by step what I did to allow a rebuilding process with minimal slip-ups, if anybody is curious. Mainly I am looking at Laura Doyle's "Surrendered Single" but also Adrienne Everheart's content on solving conflicts.

I practice submission in sex, in living arrangements, in how we spend time together, and even in our shared future, everything. I also keep my heart strong when I need to by setting a simple boundary: "I can't". Everything else is solved beautifully with a "Yes honey". Since then he has been cleaning up better, paying my bills, has renovated my garden, scheduled dates every weekend for the next two months and counting, even arranging travels, and has begun wedding planning. He also achieved milestones in work and deepened his friendships and other relationships. He is a lot more communicative and is trying different ways to speak to me in a way which feels good for me to hear.

Last night we had our anniversary. He told me, "I am so excited I get to spend the rest of my life with you. I chose you because I am in love with you. I am certain about us. I am a lucky guy, lucky I get to be the one to marry you. I not really a 'wedding person', but I am getting excited just thinking about that day. I wish it would be sooner. But most of all, I am excited for our marriage, which means you in the rest of my life."