Last time I posted here was about a year ago. I used RPW and similar advice for years to learn to let go of control, to increase my self-worth, and to stay calm in tough situations. The benefit of this was learning to relax and to take responsibility, and to navigate through relationship challenges. The downside was that I stayed in a relationship and situation which eventually burned hard. Had I been more of an anxious type, I would have probably felt strongly about the way I was being treated, and wanted to react more, or had left. But I grew a little non-chalant and ended up enduring behaviors that were objectively destructive, with thoughts such as "These are his choices, and have little to do with me." Then I would get up, be happy and successful and just continue with my day. It was with this same kickass energy that I got support, evidence, treatment, and left his ass. I left when I had to but I feel very strong because of everything that happened to me, so Thank G-d and thank you girls.

No matter what, I did not lose my belief in men, in the pure good, or in marriage. I took professional guidance seriously and they say I am doing well for my situation, thank G-d. I took an indefinite amount of time to be single, and I used my (now very reactive...) gut to navigate safety. "If it feels safe, go closer, and if it doesn't - step back." No more apologizing, letting myself get confused or manipulated, or waiting for people to change. Like a bacteria in a petri dish, I now only ever swim towards what requires zero energy from me.

I met a man who fell in line with my needs, in other words, he made me feel safe, although I am a survivor of domestic violence. We aligned on things, and he provided me with a safe space to slowly open up and to be myself. The atmosphere while dating him was calm and enjoyable. He waited for my pace for absolutely everything, respected my every boundary, and accepted my every 'no'. I relaxed. I accepted him. I married him. And I'm happy.