Approaching at Starbucks

RedPillJax · 2015-09-09T18:57:42+00:00

Leave your stuff where it is, get up, stretch, and walk over. Say hi, and that you're just taking a break from XYZ work and thought you'd say hello.

Take it from there. If she acts badly, who cares? Walk around the store for a second, and then sit back down. You said you were just taking a break - so there's no pressure to perform.

martin-ho · 2015-09-09T21:03:57+00:00

Read "Day Game" by Roosh V.

Ask her about something totally non personal and innocent and act like you just need help and are curious so you don't appear creepy.

"Is that a powerful laptop?"

"Excuse me, I'm just curious, I heard that the book you're reading is..."

Or even as basic as "What kind of laptop is this?"

"Is this the latest smartphone? Are you happy with it? "

"Excuse me, may I ask where you got that blouse you're wearing? I want to buy a present for my sister and her style is similar to yours"

secret_barber · 2015-09-09T19:14:47+00:00

I'm afraid of looking stupid.

That's the only hurdle in front of you. Looking stupid is meaningless.

vicious_armbar · 2015-09-10T02:38:29+00:00

I just don't know what to say and I'm afraid of looking stupid.

Not to point out the obvious, but you're suffering from approach anxiety. Who cares if sometimes things get awkward when you approach? Don't base your self worth on the validation of strangers. That's giving random people way too much control over your life. The fact that you're worried about what to say is just your male hamster making excuses. You can open by saying almost anything and still be highly successful. What you say matters a lot less then how you say it. That is to say stating your opener with confidence and using confident body language.

The way you conquer approach anxiety is by repeatedly approaching even though you're scared. By doing this you'll progressively desensitize yourself to what it is that you're afraid of. Psychologists call this technique exposure therapy. You'll also build competency cold approaching is a skill after all.

It’s like becoming a solider or assassin. During the first kill an assassin makes he is nervous and jumpy. His hands are shaking and when he looks down the sights the scope is going everywhere. During the 100th kill an assassin makes he feels nothing. He’s already done this a 99 times before. So he feels no fear. He’s calm, methodical, efficient, an operator.

One thing that also works for me is getting "in state. Make it a habit of talking to everyone you come across. Including other guys or women you're not interested in. That way when you go talk to a woman you won't feel like you're "approaching some hot chick"; but just talking to another person in a long string of conversations. When I warm up like this if I'm rejected my reaction tends to be: "What's her problem?".

This video on approach anxiety it might help out. Also I'd recommend trying the 100 approach challenge I'm about 1/3rd of the way though and it's helped my approach anxiety tremendously! Also a few observations I've had so far that I've found useful.

Junkname72 · 2015-09-09T19:24:27+00:00

If you approach and she rejects you, i guarantee other people will not think you're stupid. Most women will probably be impressed that you tried (I can't tell you how many women tell me they never get approached anymore).

HahahahaWaitWhat · 2015-09-09T21:24:48+00:00

The good news is you're a lot more likely to find high quality girls during normal daytime activities such as this than scraping the bottom of the barrel after last call at a typical nightclub.

The even better news is that there is a ton of great material specifically on day game, just look around. The ideas given so far in this thread are fine, and as someone already said, your biggest problem is letting go of worrying about looking stupid.

First of all, you won't look stupid. Attractive women deal with the crudest approaches or, more likely, impotent catcalls, on a regular basis. Even if she isn't interested, your approach, which will come in the form of complete sentences and a modicum of respect, shouldn't cause her to flip out or become rude. If it does... someone is looking stupid all right, but it isn't you. And the only other people who will even notice are jealous pansies who simply resent you for having the balls to approach a stranger, which they never will. Pay them no mind, they're not even worth your pity.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2015-09-10T04:02:51+00:00

I see some really nice girls, which are just my type, sitting alone and I want to approach.

So approach. You have zero to lose and everything to gain. If she denies you, you're no worse off than you were before you approach. And if she engages you, you are.

I reach the point where I really want to talk to them but I just don't know what to say and I'm afraid of looking stupid.

Approach like a motherfucker. It will burn the 'fear' out of you. Decide you will approach 1 or 2 or 3 women in a given day (whether at SBUX elsewhere).

Some women will be what I call 'tampons' (i.e. they're stuck up cunts) and other will be receptive. Some will be not be receptive but will be polite about it (many women understand that it takes balls to approach and risk rejection).

throwaway-aa2 · 2015-09-10T05:37:25+00:00

The only thing you need to realize is this:

if you approach 1,000 girls in starbucks, when it came for attempt 1,001 you'd know what to say, how to act, what to do, and you'd be pretty good at it by then. The only thing you're scared of is failure but failure in the sense you're talking about is a prerequisite for success.

trpftw · 2015-09-09T19:05:22+00:00

Prioritize context-specific:

oh what you reading? (if reading a book)
hey is that the new <e.g. smores latte (if it looks like a whitish frap)> drink?
(since you're a regular) hey I haven't seen you in this starbucks before, are you new around here?
(if you don't have a drink yet) hey quick question, I haven't tried any of the teas of starbucks I thought you might know a good flavor.
Hi I'm <name>, (do I know you?) | (what's your name?) ----> (if questioning: "You seemed friendly, just wanted to meet you") (if not: "May I sit down?")

Make sure you smile when approaching etc. Anyway, I'm sure someone else has better ideas than me though. I don't always go to coffee stores.

There's also books on day game too that could be helpful.

throwawaycomedian95 · 2015-09-09T22:10:56+00:00

If there are regular people who visit it, be careful of developing a reputation

malignantbacon · 2015-09-09T22:35:25+00:00

There is no perspective in here that only TRP can give. Just don't offer to buy a girl a drink at starbucks and as long as you're talking to them, you're good.

Metalgear222 · 2015-09-10T06:06:52+00:00

Taken from another thread.

"TBH bros, I think that talking about "avoiding approach anxiety" is completely missing the point. That's like trying to put a band-aid on top of a cancerous tumor (the tumor = the subconscious belief that you do not deserve to talk to people, which stems from the subconscious desire to TAKE something from people instead of GIVE them something)."

[deleted] · 2015-09-10T06:46:11+00:00

Sub to all the RSD guys, and watch thier video. Those guys are smart and don't rely on old school pickup-tactics which are expired(negging/peacoking). RSD is the best rescrse for pickup, trust me redpill is not the place, all though the concepts still are there.

Pickup lines don't work, ask something innocent, then tell her she's kinda cute and you want to see her again.

DevilishRogue · 2015-09-10T10:44:14+00:00

"I've got writers block. You look like a clever girl, how would you distract someone from their work for a few minutes?"

It's a neutral, non-sexually aggressive opener, gets her to qualify herself to you and works as a conversation starter.

Kittenswithwhiskers · 2015-09-10T19:58:39+00:00

Read Roosh V's Daybang.

He talks about this specific scenario, using something called the "elderly opener". It makes sence in context.

You can find a PDF of the book online. He talks about it in one of the first few chapters.

Solitary_Wolf · 2015-09-09T21:16:30+00:00

i was sat in costa coffee a few weeks ago with my laptop waiting for a friend.

there was a girl sat adjacent to me so i leaned over and asked if she knew the wi-fi password, despite being connected to the internet, she said she didnt so i asked if she'd watch my stuff while i asked up front. came back, told her how to connect and then took it from there.

Title	Approaching at Starbucks
Author	TinderMeWithNutella
Upvotes	29
Comments	33
Date	September 9, 2015 6:24 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3k9yo0/approaching_at_starbucks/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/approaching-at-starbucks.153595 https://theredarchive.com/post/153595

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