My two older daughters ride horses. My ex has consistently either actively opposed or just expressed opposition to them riding, or at least be involved in riding to the degree that they are. They each take lessons once a week (which are on my days and I get them to), they show (which my ex claims is too expensive and has sent letters from her attorney proposing that I alone be responsible for the cost), and they love to go to the barn to work, exercise the horses and hang with their friends.

My ex goes on and on about the cost, the time, the fact that shows are too early and too long (I handle shows whether it’s my weekend or not), that it’s dangerous, and that supposedly our daughters are being “exploited” for “free labor” by the owner of the barn. She really started staying away when she had a run-in with the owners daughter who is a high level semi-pro rider who also trains my girls. As usual, she felt like she was “disrespected” (everyone else is the problem) and then tried to pull me into a text argument with the barn owner. The barn owner shut her down immediately and has no time for her bullshit. I didn’t respond at all in the text thread and later apologized to the owner who shrugged it off because she loves my kids and sees them as promising riders-she just wants nothing to do with my ex.

Fast forward to today I hear from my oldest daughter “FYI mom is coming to the Christmas party and the barn fundraiser the day before!” She of course is happy because normally her mother shits all over anything to do with horses. The only reason she’s inserting herself is because I’ve been greyrocking the shit out of her and cutting off her means of control. Now I’m torn as I just want to go and relax and have a good time with the barn owners and other parents who I have formed friendships with over the last five years. Many of them barely know my ex and the ones that do don’t like her. She will be super fake and in everyone’s face acting as though they are old friends though. I don’t think anyone will be outwardly hostile to her out of respect for my girls but I’m struggling with how to handle the situation or whether to just stay away.