Do you feel like you're competing with men who are taller, richer, or better-looking, and still struggling to stand out? Many men focus on traditional traits - wealth, looks, and status - but these are crowded "categories," making it hard to differentiate yourself.

In The 22 Immutable Laws of Marketing (coined as one of the best marketing books of all time), one of the key lessons is: If you can’t be first in a category, create a new one. For example, Red Bull didn’t compete with Coca-Cola as a soft drink but instead pioneered the energy drink category.

Most men overlook this idea in dating. They compete in areas dominated by outliers: millionaires, extremely fit guys, or genetically blessed men. These "traditional metrics" are oversaturated, and success in them is often out of reach for the average man. Even then, being in the top percentile doesn’t guarantee meaningful connections. For example, Jeff Bezos has clearly won the wealth category but most guys wouldn’t even want to date his new girlfriend (no offence, Jeff).

Take Pete Davidson. Despite not being traditionally handsome, he’s dated sought-after women like Ariana Grande and Kim Kardashian. Why? He stood out in his category: humor and confidence. Similarly, Russell Brand leveraged quick wit and unapologetic charm to date high-profile women who were way more famous than him.

Pete and Russell could never compete with much bigger celebrities like Cristiano Ronaldo or Chris Hemsworth in terms of money, looks or fame, so they created a category of their own using their unique social skills and style.

The dating scene is oversaturated with men trying to get attention based on wealth or looks, but few focus on developing standout social skills like confidence, humor, or charisma. These are areas with far less competition - and they’re learnable. Yet, many avoid them because:

  1. Social conditioning emphasizes external traits over interpersonal skills.
  2. Fear of discomfort prevents men from stepping into challenging situations like striking up conversations or facing rejection.
  3. Lack of frameworks makes it harder to measure or systematically improve soft skills compared to, say, fitness or finances.

But these skills have transformative potential. Unlike fixed traits like height, they can be developed and tailored to your personality. For instance, I’ve cultivated my unique category that combines playful teasing with deep conversations and vulnerability. This mix creates a memorable and compelling dynamic, that women have almost never encountered before.

The bottom line? Competing in less crowded categories like confidence, humor, and charm can yield better results. These areas are where you can shine and create a unique "category" of your own.

So if you have trouble standing out from others, ask yourself which metrics you're trying to focus on.