Not sure why I couldn’t form lasting friendships in recent years

Equivalent-Ad5449 · 2025-01-25T07:47:42+00:00

Honestly this is normal as an adult. Most really intense friendships are from school/uni years. Following that it’s rather rare, people make work friends that if changed jobs would prob have no contact with. As get older people have more serious relationships that take much of time, their families children etc and are busy. To make friends is not simply being nice and social as can be all that but if the people around you aren’t in the market for more friends then is pretty pointless much of the time. Time is short so if someone his busy with work, dating/married, kids maybe or family and has friends then just don’t have time if inclination for new friends as what free time have would rather spend with those already in their lives so when do meet someone like yourself it prob only goes so far not because of your personally but that they aren’t looking for close friends.

PreciousMuffn · 2025-01-25T17:26:41+00:00

It's definitely harder once you leave school, but I've found some of my closest friends in my 30s and now early 40s. I've also noticed that the majority, if not all, of my friends are extremely introverted. I fall about 50/50 for introversion and extroversion.

I've also reconnected with friends I went to school with after a gap of several years of not speaking. That has been wonderful.

My BFF in town I met nearly 7 years ago at Burning Man as we camped together and she and my husband were involved in the same non-profit art group. It took a few years for her to really warm up to me. But we really started connecting when she went through a divorce and I let her rent my townhouse I was vacating to move in with my husband in the beginning of 2020. Since then we've become each other's main supports and generally quarterly try to have a "girls slumber party" at her new house etc. I also invite her over for casual dinners with the family etc.

Another good friend in town I met at a local playground when my daughter (2 at the time) said hello to her. Her son is 2 months younger and while sometimes it's hard to coordinate our schedules, we still aim to see each other at our houses or at parks etc. We've managed to do a double date even, but it's more difficult for them with sitters since they don't have any local family. They now have their 4 yr old son and almost 2 yr old daughter. A couple months ago her mom was visiting in town and got super sick and needed to go to the hospital while her husband was out of state for work. She wasn't going to ask me because she didn't want to burden me, but I offered to go watch her 2 kids for the day while mine was at PreK so she could focus on her mom. I also straightened up things and tried to make life easier for her since she was so stressed out.

Another friend who I see less often as she's 30 min away, but talk to via text I met through donating breastmilk to her daughter.

Some friends I've met through work and they've moved to various places. I'm going to Indiana over Halloween this year for one of my girlfriend's weddings because the ONE night I dragged her out to be social she ironically met the guy she ultimately moved away with and is now married to, lol. We used to joke that she'd have to trip over someone at the grocery store, because other than work she'd just be at home cross stitching.

What's interesting to me is they all say the same thing about me.... that I was persistent, genuine, and my BFF says "I wore her down" (in a good way) and wiggled my way in. Many of these gals are guarded and it started slow, but once the trust is built they start opening up and the deeper friendships were able to flourish. I love having gatherings a couple times a year and bringing many of them together too because we all mesh well and love each other's energy.

My recommendation is if there's someone who you're interested in deepening a friendship with... keep showing up. Ask about her day, struggles... offer to help with whatever. Show her you genuinely care. Good luck!

Consistent-Citron513 · 2025-01-25T08:05:59+00:00

33F here. I have found it more difficult to form lasting friendships since I was in my late 20s. I had friends from college and we still keep in touch on social media, but we have all moved to different parts of the country. At that point in your late 20s/early 30s, I think fewer people are looking for friends because they have their own established friend groups and life routines. You meet some good acquaintances, but not many people you're willing to modify your circle for. I have made two lasting (hopefully) friends in adulthood. One of them, I've known for 5 years & the other for 3. Both are women I work/used to work with.

I wasn't looking to make friends, but we just happened to talk and see that we had a lot in common outside of career stuff and just began to hang out more. I think one thing that made a difference was that neither had friends. The one I've been friends with longer is very introverted, as am I. The other one has lots of friends, but she had recently moved to our state and didn't really know anyone yet. Have you tried inviting them to do more 1:1 things?

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-01-25T14:20:45+00:00

Friends and The New Girl lied to us. That's not what adulthood looks like. It's just that simple. Sure, some people have friends from high school or college that are still around, but in lieu of that, you might make a friend in a mom's group when you have kids. Maybe there's someone from church you'll click with and text periodically. You might even find a neighbor who likes to walk with you.

Joey and Chandler haven't seen each other since the last episode. Nick and Jess are divorced and their friend group is in shambles. Life just isn't a sitcom. We're all too busy with our own families and lives to cultivate big friend groups after a certain age.

Visible-Roll-5801 · 2025-01-25T15:40:19+00:00

I think it’s just how adult friendships are :/ having one or two close friends and then social friends seems to be how it is. It was shocking to me too

2025-01-25T23:31:31+00:00

idk sometimes i feel like super far left ideologies turn us away from regular folk or push people away.. In my college rn, literally everyone has these extreme views which kinda pulls me away from forming relationships with people my age.

throwaway_lalaland · 2025-01-28T23:33:57+00:00

I've formed very close, long-lasting friendships + the majority of my friends are women so I think I'm qualified to answer here!

The first thing that I would recommend is to stop being generous to people that you don't know very well. You will inadvertently attract users and set yourself up for failure when you realize they don't share the same values as you. I'd also recommend avoiding talking about heavy/traumatic subjects when you first meet people to avoid attracting people who are unstable or that have a lot of drama in their lives.

Secondly, diversify the places you meet people and keep showing up to those same places over a long period of time. After awhile, people will start to recognize you and invite you to other stuff and vice-versa. When people invite you to stuff, make sure that you are saying yes more often than you are saying no (especially in the beginning). After you arrive to an event, make it a goal to talk to as many new people as possible and follow up with every single person that you've already met before. Don't make the mistake of waiting for people to approach you or sticking by one person's side the whole time. Eventually, you will meet folks that you're closer to or they will introduce you to other people that you can become friends with.

Lastly, remember that you can vet folks for friendship too... you can meet someone a few times and decide that you are not really a good fit friendship-wise and that is okay. Decide what your values are and go from there. Good luck! :)

VasiliyZaitzev · 2025-01-25T08:11:15+00:00

Yeah, welcome to 2025, where everyone has massive social anxiety, FOMO, and are glued to their phones. Most people don’t interact with other people all that much. One of the things that the interns are assigned to do at work is to watch me do a negotiation on the phone because they don’t have that skill set.

we are also more rootless. we don’t live in the same place as we grew up, and we don’t live with relatives usually after we move out of our birth family’s home. The advent of dating apps made everything worse for everybody so most guys don’t get any responses, and most women get flooded to the point where they run up against the “tyranny of choice.” - “but if I pick this guy, what will happen if I meet an even better guy tomorrow?” A man always has to be his girl’s best ootion because if he isn’t, they’re only 1400 guys in her DM’s hoping to be that number one draft pick. Even for girls who dislike that sort of thing, the attention can inflate their egos, even though most of those dudes just want to rail them. The other problem for women is that, while they have a lot of optional at sex, they don’t have the same optional for love, but the former can cause the illusion of the latter. But I digress.

I have a number of friendships that are 40 and 50 years old. Like all the way back to first grade. Of course I grew up in a time before cell phones and the Internet. I still remember some of my friends childhood phone numbers. I wind up using them as passwords Because I won’t ever forget them.

The thing about friendships, even old friendships, as you have to nurture them. Make sure they get enough food, water, and sunlight. And warmth. Most of them, you will slip right back into like an old pair of jeans. But they still require care.

AutoModerator · 2025-01-25T07:14:02+00:00

Title: Not sure why I couldn’t form lasting friendships in recent years

Author PearlNecklace23

Full text: As titled. I’m 30F, i used to have 15& 20+years lasting friendships. But not sure why I have a hard time forming even close friendships with girls nowadays. I also have a hard time to discover my values for people as my social currency. I am not an introvert, i am genuinely curious about people, and i am pretty talkative. I also have lots of opportunities to meet people, such as parties and events. But i ended up have lots of one off friends but non of them became very close / inner circle friends. I am also generous, i sometimes will give people little gifts and not cheap. I live in an area that i didn’t go to school in, so friends from school option is out in my situation.

What else i could do to maintain friendships and become very close friends with people in my life?

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eazolan · 2025-01-26T03:43:15+00:00

At this stage of your life, people are focused on their love lives and developing their new families.

piotrek13031 · 2025-01-26T12:05:14+00:00

Life before the industrial revolution was much more similar to a sitcom than the modern lifestyle is. People even when they had children worked on the field together and lived in a village next to each other, and formed lifelong friendships.

Now a person is forced to move threw artificial stages like highschool, college, work, often in different locations with different people.

StylishAsparagus · 2025-01-26T13:34:21+00:00

I was in the same boat as you. The only thing I could really do was try to see my friends and organise activities on my end. Even though a lot of the times they didn’t respond or canceled, it eventually paid off. Adulting is hard. All my friends work full time and I don’t work, so I only really get to see them on the weekends…..when they have to catch up on things and prepare for the coming week.

So I realised that the ball really was in my court and although it hurt to always be the one to reach out, it was worth it. My only advice is to put in effort. Reach out constantly, be involved in their lives, be a good support system etc. Friendships fizzle out a lot because friends stop seeing each other and stop prioritising each other. You’ll find a group of women who will be amazing friends if all of you prioritise friendships. Good luck!

blondetrinity · 2025-01-28T17:18:10+00:00

Serious question: you're posting in RPW, how many of your friends share your values about women, men, politics, life, etc? I grew up liberal and have become more conservative (especially with regards to male/female relationships and rejecting feminism) and I found it increasingly hard to have deep friendships with the women I felt I had to hide that side of myself from. It was exhausting and I know it was keeping a wall between us.

When I started looking for more friends that love their husbands, are interested in sexual dynamics, aren't afraid to be HAPPY in this world, etc. the closer those relationships can be because I'm not hiding a vital part of myself. I'm Jewish, but a lot of my close friends are conservative Christians because we just agree on so much and respect each other's faiths and values. I also find that those women VALUE female friendships more than my more progressive acquaintances, you know?

So maybe it's not about "discovering" your values as much as finding people who already value the things you already know about yourself, and not being afraid to reveal things to them that you might keep hidden from others.

Title	Not sure why I couldn’t form lasting friendships in recent years
Author	PearlNecklace23
Upvotes	21
Comments	21
Date	January 25, 2025 7:14 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1i9hlqe/not_sure_why_i_couldnt_form_lasting_friendships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/not-sure-why-i-couldnt-form-lasting-friendships-in.1542100 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542100

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