How to conquer my approach anxiety once and for all?

norwegiandoggo · 2025-03-04T19:53:02+00:00

You will never get rid of it. Stop drinking alcohol. Just feel the fear and approach anyway.

Well, let me clarify, i know some people who did get rid of it. But they did like 50 approaches per day for a whole month. That's an insane undertaking. And they could not sustain it. Once they took a break from approaching, the anxiety came back just as it was before. Not like as high as when you're a noob, but it's not gone forever.

DrinksAreOnTheHouse · 2025-03-04T21:10:26+00:00

Do the approach. Once ice is broken, anxiety melts away. Do this enough time, you just realize that little leap is nothing

yourcousinrafa · 2025-03-05T03:26:38+00:00

At the core this anxiety is rooted in a lower self worth so that's where I'd start. To drive the point, imagine you approaching a fat sloppy woman with a mustache, would you feel anxious? My guess is probably not because subcounsiously you value yourself higher than her ( sorry nothing against mustached women). You see my point? Remember, your personality is your personal reality. The world around you changes, including all the pretty women in it, when yuo change how you see yourself. It's a journey and it's called life. You're young and it's normal to feel what you feel, but it's time to change it. I have some posts that might help. Go out there and have fun young man.

IamRocksteady · 2025-03-04T20:13:50+00:00

You think that the issue is the fear itself. No. The issue is the fact that you base your whole identity and happiness on the outcome of the approach. Don't try to get rid of the fear. Embrace it instead and reframe it as excitement (both exctiement and anxiety have the exact same physiological response in the body). Feel the fear and do it anyway!

After you have done several hundred approaches, the fear will almost go away completely.

fireman_sam89 · 2025-03-04T20:19:57+00:00

Don’t go in with the thought of picking up. The mind always overthinks things when you have that mindset. Think of something that makes you comfortable that relates to the environment I.e. in the gym “excuse me could you let me know when you are finished with that machine or weight etc I’d like to use it next”

HomelessMilkman · 2025-03-04T20:25:44+00:00

To not have anxiety at all is to be completely oblivious and unaware; which ends in you being socially uncalibrated and alienating people.

You have anxiety for a reason, in which you should care about the affect you have on others. That also goes too far in which you become too sensitive to others to the point you're completely self-conscious and stifled.

It's a balance. You don't want to be anxious but you do want to be considerate and responsible. In general, guys could do with loosening up but there's obviously a point you understand that 'rules' and boundaries are something to be cautious of. That will always be the case.

DaygameCode · 2025-03-04T23:02:52+00:00

Anxiety won’t go away until you don’t listen to it. Anxiety is trying to communicate with you trying to protect you, trying to get you to listen to it. But you keep ignoring anxiety. What anxiety is saying is:

“Hey dude, you seriously gonna approach that girl? What if she isn’t interested in you? Besides she seems to be busy, what if you just annoy her and she ends up scolding you? Everyone knows approaching in a gym is what creeps do, remember the viral tiktok videos from women complaining, you don’t want to be that guy… So unless you know how to avoid bad reactions i’m not letting you approach, let’s just get out of here”

Notice the last part “unless you know how to avoid bad reactions…” What if we focused on that? What if instead of avoiding the situation completely we actually took the time to figure out how to do an approach in the gym without making women upset and react badly?

Your anxiety might then say:

“It’s impossible!! Women won’t accept any approach no matter how it is done, the only thing they all want is for us to leave them alone in the gym!!“

And fair enough, some women might not want men to approach them in the gym, but that doesn’t mean your approach has to inevitably lead to those women overreacting to you if you approach them with respect and social intelligence.

You just have to learn how to read social cues for example women who don’t want to be approached usually have headphones on, in those cases maybe it’s true that you don’t want to interrupt their workouts. But many other women will not have headphones.

And if some women you are not sure whether they want to be approached or not, you might wanna wait until they are resting between sets to politely ask them for a tío or to spot you while you lift as a way to get the conversation started indirectly.

That means their defences won’t be triggered right away, as you are not actually hitting on them, just having an appropriate short interactions related to the gym. You are just engaging in a normal, context appropriate conversation.

If she responds positively, then you have a better tras on whether she is open to a longer conversation, maybe not right in that moment but in future encounters the following days to make it seem more natural and organic in order to avoid triggering defensive responses from them.

This is how you can act despite anxiety, by giving anxiety a! action plan to avoid the catastrophic outcomes it predicts will happen.

MysteryLiezer · 2025-03-05T00:21:29+00:00

Should the alcohol make it easier for you to say all the RIGHT things, if saying all the WRONG things is what keeps you from approaching?

OR

Should the alcohol make it easier for you to say all the WRONG things, if saying all the WRONG things is what keeps you from approaching?

Last_Consequence2760 · 2025-03-05T06:03:23+00:00

I just think of I have nothing to lose. If they say no, fuck it.

I only live one life, if I find a girl once in and a while that is worth going up to or after speaking with her, I like her vibe I will ask her out.

unless it is my workplace because I need to make a living and keep a differnet sort of setting there, lol.

Successful_Engine191 · 2025-03-05T06:11:48+00:00

Rejection (exposure)therapy helps, look for chances to ask something from people that’s unlikely for people to say yes to. This way you get exposure to rejection and more comfortable with people turning you down. Asking a crazy favor from a friend or even stranger, free (blank) on top of what you’re already buying, whatever comes to mind

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2025-03-05T09:15:32+00:00

It's a state change. You can do the same with self hypnosis.

CoachSlyDating · 2025-03-04T19:44:07+00:00

You need to baby step. First get comfortable talking to strangers in general. Then work your way up in uncomfortableness until you are directly approaching the hottest girls. I will DM you.

l1ght- · 2025-03-04T20:47:42+00:00

Progressive desensitisation

Scared_Tap2977 · 2025-03-04T19:52:00+00:00

Listen to the Unapologetic Man’s Podcast with Mark Sing. Upped my game 10 fold. You can find it on Spotify and all podcast platforms

Title	How to conquer my approach anxiety once and for all?
Author	No-Needleworker-374
Upvotes	12
Comments	17
Date	March 4, 2025 7:36 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1j3jeb7/how_to_conquer_my_approach_anxiety_once_and_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-conquer-my-approach-anxiety-once-and-for.1545611 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545611

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