Going through divorce

Not sure where to start. I've been spiraling down Reddit and ended up reading some divorce posts and thought why not I'll share and see what the internet has to say about my situation... at the same time I wonder how anonymous this can be.

Anyway - I'm in the military. My soon-to-be ex and I have been going through the divorce process since early December 2024. She filed a protection order against me for sexual abuse against her (saying I tried to have sex with her while she was sleeping…) and child abuse. The protection order was dismissed at trial - thank God, because that would have ruined my career and life. There were no truth to her allegations and she just wanted to make my life more difficult which I assume she got advice from free divorce attorneys working at the court. This was one of the most stressful times of my life writing my defense during the holiday season as my 2 toddler boys were taken away from me along with my vehicle and property taken out of the house. I spent countless hours way past midnight having to write my defense. On the date of the trial when she heard that the court was going to dismiss the protection order she cried uncontrollably probably in disbelief.

I lost friends and neighbors because of this divorce. She has gone around to my neighbors and friends spreading false narratives about me and posting on Facebook about the divorce as well.

Anyway long story short we are still going through the divorce and she sent a 2-page letter handwritten to me through the boys during the drop-off today. The reason for this method of communication is because she also brought the civil protection order which got dismissed, but before it got dismissed to the military authorities so I have a military protection order as well. I'll just say that it's been a process and I've been put through the wringer. I read about stories where people who went through divorce/separation get back together somewhere down the road, but I don't think I can reconcile this relationship. I'll probably forgive her and forget about it and move on in my life, but I don't think reconciliation of the relationship is ever possible. I'm also a Christian at that too... but it is what it is.

The handwritten letter says that she is having a hard time and wants to save money and stress and wants to find a way to finalize the divorce in a more cost-effective way. She also wrote at the very bottom of the letter that if I was willing to work something out with her then she'd consider removing the military protection order. Reading that made me so angry because she knows that I'm a harmless guy and she is just using whatever tools she can to make my life as miserable as possible and putting my career in jeopardy. It's also probably custody battle and she is enjoying the child support she's getting. For me, I think of it as rent I pay for less stress.

The biggest thing she wants to work out is the child custody situation. Based off of current temporary parenting plan right now I have about 30% of the kids and she has 70%. She is getting burnt out and tired from taking care of the kids who are toddler boys and very energetic. Well, if I'm the monster that she alleges I am I don't know why she would want to send me the handwritten letter to get me to work out a custody situation. There's no way that she is proposing that I give up more custody of the kids based on the letter she wrote right? She wants to work out a deal where I can have more custody of the kids. Before the divorce filed, she wanted to do a 50/50, so she knows that I'm not a bad/horrible father.

I'm not going to lie that a divorce is very stressful, time-consuming and money-draining, but after reading the letter and how she is saying that she is willing to consider removing the military protection order if I was to work something out with her makes me want to use up all my saving just to see the divorce until the end and I won't even feel sorry for the money I have to spend seeing the divorce until the end through the legal process.

I'm sick and tired of her thinking she can manipulate the system and people for her gain. I want to know what's the best way to fortify myself from her manipulative tactics. I feel bad for my boys who are going to grow up with her seeing how she will manipulate and influence them as well.

Just venting and if you have any tips, advice, or best practices, I'm all ears.