My SO and I have been pretty disconnected since I started my new job this year. About a year ago, I left a pretty demanding job and ending up having most of the year off from “office work” - but still technically working full time at a job (I worked in the evenings so I still had time in the morning and it was work I loved doing) and working on our rental property. This allowed me to spend a lot of time and energy on him and our home.

I loved the job I had during that time, but for personal reasons, he asked me to leave it and I did. Our relationship was really great, but I completely drained my savings still paying for my half of our living expenses and needed to find a job.

So this year I started a new job. I was careful to find one that would be restricted to working hours and I don’t take any work home with me. That being said, he feels like my priorities are conflicted and my work is in competition with the time, energy, and passion that I should be devoting to him and our home.

In the first few weeks of my work, I brought up the conversation about how I want to be proactive on how my time and energy is changing with the new role, and asked if he could help me with things a little more around the house. This didn’t go well, he said I was selfish for asking. I want to be what he desires - a feminine, soft, doting, peaceful wife. But feel like things are very imbalanced and I’m starting to flounder.

In the beginning of our relationship, he took a more traditional provider role - but would say things like “whoever makes the money, makes the decisions”, etc which led me to ask to pay for half of our living. I don’t feel comfortable not contributing for those reasons, and he hasn’t offered anything otherwise - but I’m really struggling to balance his needs and my responsibilities. Any tips or tricks to do so?