I’m going to start this post my saying I’m a gay transgender man (This is relevant later)

Every time you see a feminist bring up the male loneliness epidemic they will only talk about it terms of sex which is problematic for several reasons. First of all you’re assuming that the only form of companionship that men seek is sex which further reinforces the stereotypes you claim to denounce. But secondly, and more importantly, that’s just…not what we’re talking about when we’re talking about loneliness

Now yes, it’s true that a lot of men aren’t great partners and need to work on themselves. It’s also true that women are more independent and some men need to realize that them bringing home a paycheck isn’t enough to be seen as a good husband/partner. It’s absolutely true that values are shifting and some men need to do some internal work. I’m not denying any of that

But here’s the thing-

One- too many women assume that the way that they handle relationships is the only “right” way, and that their needs are the only needs that are important. They want to be seen and heard by their partners but won’t give their male partners the same respect. For example, if they are anxious and clingy they will expect their boyfriend to accommodate them- text and check in multiple times a day, reassure her constantly, spend more time with her, share his location, etc etc. but if he’s clingy and asks for more texts, or to stay home instead of hang with her friends, or share her location, then he’s seen as toxic and manipulative. She will be encouraged by society to leave him, and he will be expected to work on his issues alone.

that is what we mean by male loneliness epidemic. It’s not that we want more sex, it’s that we are expected to tackle all of our problems by ourselves, and are told we aren’t deserving of relationships until we do so.

And it’s not just romantic relationships either. It’s friendships too. This is why I mentioned being gay and trans earlier. I have no romantic interest in women, but have had a lot of female friends both pre and post transition. The reality that I have had to accept is that no matter how good of a man you are, most women will never, ever, view you as equal to them or their female friends

Before I transitioned I could act like a normal human. I could be upset, complain about work, snap once in a while when I’m overstimulated, be honest to a friend who had hurt me. I could be a human with thoughts and feelings and imperfections. When you are a man, imperfections are no longer acceptable. My rants are viewed as unjustified anger, my snaps as aggression, my moments of sharing feelings viewed as unresolved issues that I shouldn’t burden friends with. But though my gender has changed, the person that I am has not. I act the same way I always have, and my gender alone is what determines if those actions are acceptable or not.

The reality is that a lot of the “toxic” men are exhibiting the exact same behaviors that women are- these behaviors are just viewed as wildly different. men are expected to tackle all of their problems alone and mask all of their feelings or else risk being viewed as toxic.

I have learned that even when I have female friends, I can never really be close with them. I’ve found I can be my true and honest self around other men much more easily. The reality is that no matter how many girlfriends or girl friends we may have, a lot of us men will still feel alone, and that is what we mean when we talk about the male loneliness epidemic