If I where a construction dude, farmer, rancher, mechanic, maybe even an engineer, I would really feel competent because I would have a good ability to manipulate the world around me. Tying down a load on truck or trailer for instance, using tools and fixing things. You get the idea. As for me, I rolled in the IT world for the first half of my career. The second half I ended up in some strange procurement accouting-ish role, which actually doesn't suit me at all, but I have an ability to handle chaos and complexity, so I get paid. Through the years I have had a creative lean and an intense love for photography, writing music and some time with creative programming outside of day job duties.

I'm more of a middle aged guy at this point, but I'm thankfully healthy, fit and strong as a priority, financially fine though I live lean by choice, and my interests are not those of many of my peers at this stage. As an example, I'm sort of trying to get into motorcycling. That's cool and all, but that's a task should've been completed at least 20 years ago. While the idea is to hoon around on a gsxr in the evenings, I'm probably better suited to a 3-wheel pedal bike with a safety flag attached to the basket, skill-wise.

With all that said, I don't feel competent. I have things that may be competency, but not anything real world. I'm feeling as a good portion of life lived that I collected nothing in competence.

Whatever it is that is different in my life now, some attractive women are showing themselves available to me, but I don't know how to proceed. I'm pretty much neutral in confidence. I've had plenty of guy friends that display high confidence and bravado over the years, but since I know them well, I could never do what they do. The come off as idiots to me as if they switch personas when a woman appears. Blowhard, loud, conversation controlling, look at me types, always trying to be the leader in all situations, and I cannot be that. Years past I've lost opportunities to these same friends because I can't out compete the overt social aggression. I always chalked it up to "I ain't got it", because I couldn't act that way. And the outcome always seemed like: they didn't succeed, but sure as hell no one else could either.

To reiterate, I feel as though I have no competence and I don't know what to do about that. I've done a lot and I've gone deep on a lot of things, but none of them are relevant in a social conversation with a woman. Can I take what I have and make it interesting or attractive? Am I spinnable, do I need to spin myself, or do I need to quickly double down and attain more man's man competence?