[serious] I'm a woman looking for a LTR, and I'm honestly wondering if a Red Pill guy is what I'm looking for.

TopTRP · 2015-11-04T17:22:05+00:00

It's a two way street.

A lot of what you complained about in your previous relationship are problems you could have solved yourself, but you're playing the victim card and avoid accepting any responsibility.

Part of /r/redpillwomen's philosophy is that they are acutely aware of their own role in allowing their man to be the captain rather than impeding his ability to do so.

So first off, reflect on yourself. Hang out in RPW, a lot of them can help you.

In your current form, you don't have much value to an RP guy.

Secondly it needs to be said that RP guys do not all have the same goals.

So if you go hunting for an RP guy to LTR, but you find one who is only interested in sex (which he probably won't tell you before you fuck him), then what?

Are you going to assume all RP guys are not what you need?

The real answer is, every woman who wants a fulfilling LTR NEEDS a guy who's value is higher than hers and never lets that dynamic change.

Once his value drops below hers, the attraction is gone. The shit tests come and both people are unhappy.

The woman is unhappy with her low value mate and the man is unhappy with his cunt of a girlfriend.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2015-11-04T18:25:24+00:00

'll admit that I have numerous insecurities, and the main one is that I do not have value to men. That is terrifying to me, because more than anything I want love with someone who wants to build a family and a future with me.

Out of curiosity, what were you doing in your 20s, which were your prime time fertility window?

You're probably going to get cuffed around a bit here, b/c you're a female astronaut exploring male space, but you're also going to get the Truth, however cold and hard it might be.

I will give you a few of pieces of advice:

First, if you have a list of 3,497 things that your man "must have", crumple it up and light it on fire. The thing that matters in a husband--the ONLY thing that matters--is CHARACTER. Go looking for that. Really, I think your ceiling is a high functioning beta.

Second, be open to dating men older than you. Like in his forties. You're going to look younger to him, comparatively. Don't like it? Tough. I'm 48, and I wouldn't date you based on your age. Why? Because despite all the bullshit you read about in pop culture, etc., fundamentals of biology have remained unchanged: Men are attracted to young, beautiful women b/c both of those things imply fertility, and our biological imperative is to have sex with such women and drive our DNA into the future. Of the plates I would consider promoting to LTR, they're all in their early 20s. They are willing to give me their prime time years. Girls who ride the cock carousel and spend their best years banging bros, outlaw bikers and bartenders wind up waking up at 35 and wondering why nobody will marry them.

Third, lose any sense of entitlement you may have. Don't expect a guy to be grateful. Disconnect yourself from "Sluts in the City", anything related to 'Cougars' (which only exists as a creation of Hollywood) and that awful Sheryl Sandberg book that tells women to go fuck everything with a dick, until your odometer turns over and then go find some schlub. All that bullshit you've been fed about GRRRRRL POWERRRR!!! and how women can do everything and a man can do, only better, men suck and F>M? That was just bullshit. Women are Strong! Proud! Independent!...until things get the teensiest bit difficult. And we know it, too.

Fourth, do you know how to cook? If you don't, then learn. Put a pot on a stove every day at 5pm. Not some days, EVERY day. Eventually, a man will show up at that pot at 6pm. (Hat Tip: Chris Rock)

Fifth, do everything you can to improve your appearance. That's what men like. Don't want to? Then you don't really want to get married. As it turns out, in the World of Men, what MEN want matters, too. Women are taught to treat us like accessories and servants. We're not stupid, you know. "That law degree looks so sexy on you!" said no man, ever.

So, sorry not sorry for the tough love. What you really need to do is wander over to RP Women. They'll be able to help more. If you want to catch a fish, you ask a fisherman, etc.

Best of luck.

Uncle Vasya

Whisper · 2015-11-04T21:49:51+00:00

Is a red pill guy what I'm looking for?

Perhaps. But are you what a red pill man is looking for? What is it that you have to offer?

IVIaskerade · 2015-11-04T19:35:41+00:00

/r/RedPillWomen

In short, no you don't. A “red pill" man wouldn't be interested in marrying you.

What you want is a traditionally masculine man, not a “red pill" one.

Frdl · 2015-11-04T17:01:26+00:00

Masculinity is a guy paying for stuff instead of you?

[deleted] · 2015-11-04T19:29:13+00:00

31 years old is a bit ripe for this sub's standards (and the reason for that is that a quality man can easily swoon a 22 year old girl in her physical prime for the same "price" he would have to "pay" to LTR you - kinda like having the option of getting a 2015 car vs. a 2005 car for the same price - you would always choose a 2015 car, right?). The fact that you don't have kids help, as well as the fact that you were in a LTR for 10 years (so you probably didn't fuck around and proved you can stay loyal for years to a man), which I would consider pluses.

With that said, the reason a 22 year old girl has an advantage over you is basically looks - she's at her prime and that's what men care about mainly - looks. We're not evil for it, we're just different - women have their own primary interests too (money, security, etc) and that doesn't make you evil gold-diggers either, it's just how we all evolved.

So if you want to be considered worthy of a LTR with a quality man, you gotta be a quality woman BY MEN'S STANDARDS, not what Cosmo tells you men really want. So, what does every man want?

a great looking girl: a pretty face with a stunning body. so even if you don't have a pretty face, a great body goes a long way, so you need to start working out if you haven't already. don't just do treadmills, focus on weight lifting. great bodies and nice asses come from weight lifting, not running like a hamster. sometimes you can't help your face but you can help your body, and it helps a lot. hip-to-waist ratio is what you should be looking for, not just not being fat.
great sex that doesn't diminish over time: this depends a lot on how attracted you are to the guy, so you need someone desirable that turns you on, so a redpill-minded guy would help a lot here.
submissive: if you want a take-charge guy, of course you gotta be submissive, since a ship with two captains is bound to sink. sounds like what you're looking for anyways.
takes care of your man and the house: seems you got this nailed.
personality: that depends on the person, but in general you need to be fun, easy going, drama-free, a direct and clear communicator (although this is not women's preferred way of communicating), etc. Smarts is good but overrated - we have our own mates for smart/intelligent conversations that we already rely on so don't worry about coming across as super-smart - as long as you're not stupid, we're good.

From what you explained, I would guess that your main problem is in the looks department. A pic would help, but my guess would be that you have an OK face with a regular body. If you can turn this regular body into a great in-shape body, you'll strike gold. You should begin as soon as possible though, since you're already 31 and it can take you a year or two to get a nice tight body, depending on your actual state. I can help you with lifting advice if you decide to go this route. A "cute" girl with a nice body goes a long way.

With that nailed down, you need to work on your game - how do you know when a guy just want to fuck you for a while and leave? how does sex enter the equation - if you fuck around too much too early hoping to nail a LTR you just end up used for sex - hold it too tight and men will go elsewhere to get the sex - etc. You should refer to /r/redpillwomen for that.

With all that said, keep in mind that it's an uphill battle because traditional family and marriage has become a huge liability for men with very little reward - thank your local feminist for it, specially if you live in Florida, so you might not get a ring, ever - at least not with a quality men, someone you wouldn't have to settle for. It might be entirely possible though to have a meaningful LTR that looks a lot like marriage but without the legally-binding parts that fuck men over.

sweetngeeky · 2015-11-04T18:56:09+00:00

[deleted]

What is this?

floppymammarygland · 2015-11-05T04:57:33+00:00

Oh, dear god. I just ate the biggest bowl of chili and now I have the worst gas. It's terrible. My dog won't even come near me and the cats just sprayed me.

It was so good though. Tons of cheese and sour cream. Def gonna be a 2-pounder in the morning.

With that out of the way I have this to offer up...

Sounds like you're a doormat that refuse to make and ACT on decisions that will improve your life. You need to learn to take agency for your life and begin acting on the world as opposed to allowing it to always act on you.

Do you wanna be happy? Then stop fucking around and grab the damn reins, woman.

Is this man or that man right for you? Who the fuck knows or cares? NO man will be right for you until you, yourself, are doing right by, and for, yourself.

Here is the advice we kick out to most around here. It applies to you as well:

Take agency over your life
Start working out and get your nutrition in order (go visit the fitness subreddit and read their FAQ about nutrition - emphasis on macros)
Work on improving yourself (career, health, fitness, nutrition, mind, spirit, education, etc...)
Repeat steps 2 & 3

Become the mirror image of the guy you want. Not necessarily in terms of being "alpha" or a super-aggro, take-charge kind of bitch. But be the healthy, well-balanced, successful person you want to be with.

And as far as the relationship advice goes, learn to move on and be less co-dependent. So you find yourself dating a douche-bag? Move the fuck on with your life and go back to steps 2 & 3 and look for a better man.

It's the same shit we're doing. Improving ourselves and not settling for sub-par behavior out of people.

Edit: Seriously... when you start reflecting on the way you handled/handle things, ask yourself if you are the victim allowing the world to act on you or are you acting on the world. Playing an active role in the story of your life is fucking huge.

BluntMFer · 2015-11-04T17:10:12+00:00

Everything you typed is a complete dislike for a TRP. Is what I'm saying. You need a beta to control. Because a red pill guy would not LTR you. Just being blunt.

verify_account · 2015-11-04T18:15:05+00:00

Better question: why would an red pill guy LTR a 31 year old woman?

joshsoowong · 2015-11-04T17:13:51+00:00

It seems like you were dating a guy of lower value. Instead of looking for a red pill guy. Try looking for a decent guy with a higher value than you. I believe the cue word is hypergamy.

sweetngeeky · 2015-11-04T17:32:16+00:00

Sounds like the guy was of higher SMV than you. Since you are 31 and not married...you are automatically of a low SMV. You can see this from the SMV chart created by Roosh. This is furthered by him just being able to do nothing and still have you paying and doing everything. Essentially, you were paying him for his time. IMO, this dude was extremely alpha in your eyes and he knew it. He took care of himself and didn't care about you. And this is why you describe him as a LTR. He clearly didn't see you as a LTR. My bet is that he understands that you have a extremely low SMV and therefore made you pay him for his time. He understands, at his SMV level, that he could easily get a higher quality woman (22 and hott) before he would be required to "take charge and pay" as you say.

Summary:

It is my belief that you are a post-wall ex CC rider who is on my Red Pill whining about an Alpha not committing to you. The fact is that you are hitting the end of your fertility window and are scrambling to find someone to lock down as a provider because you didn't do this when your SMV (17-21 years old) was the highest. Sucks for you. You can either cry about it or actually help prevent other women in their peak SMV period from doing the same thing.

sweetngeeky · 2015-11-04T17:37:23+00:00

someone who will step up and take the lead.

Yeah you're looking for an RP mentality guy.

InscrutablePUA · 2015-11-04T18:32:55+00:00

It sounds like you stayed loyal to a guy for 10 years in the sexual prime of your life but also that you weren't really attracted to him on a primal level and that you couldn't get him to commit and marry you.

To be very blunt, he won that game. He got sex from you in your prime years, you took care of domestic duties, you put money into the long term fund.

By Red Pill standards, a 31 yo woman is inherently of lower SMV than a girl who's 22. It's not just about looks, but also about the innocence and vulnerability of youth and (generally) a lower number of sexual partners.

Since you are now looking for a high value man who will take charge, you will need to modify your strategy. You cannot rely on looks alone like a 21 y.o. You will need to really flex your feminine qualities by doing domestic duties, being submissive or at least not loud and argumentative, and keeping yourself in good shape. It will be difficult in a big city where a high value man can fuck girls in their 20s without commitment so a small to mid size town will be better for you.

RPAlternate42 · 2015-11-04T19:50:34+00:00

There are no "RP guys" (though everyone in here would disagree. RP is a praxeology; a study of human behavior and standards and an action plan to capitalize on that behavior.

I hate to break it to you, but your ex sounds pretty RP (whether or not he was a part of these subreddits); you are describing a man who saw your SMV as lower than his (he knew he could get hotter) but you paid for everything... so why should he go looking further?

I'd have to ask: how was the sex life? I'm guessing it wasn't great (for you.) Men don't stick around with a woman who doesn't fuck him regularly unless she is satisfying him in other ways, but he wouldn't be living with you unless he was having sex. I wouldn't put it past reality that he was banging other women from time to time.

I'm sure you perceived him as a man with high SMV (read: your alpha) because of the way he acted and treated you. My guess is that I would probably see him as a piece of shit. If I don't find a woman attractive enough to fuck or date, I probably won't be living with her as a girlfriend (my time and energy are valuable) and insulting her at the same time. I would simply just not associate with her.

I'm. going to go out on a limb and say that you actually are of a higher SMV than him, but he needed to convince you that you weren't. this is a man of low character.

Basically you were some kind of very high-level female orbiter for him. Much in the same way girls will keep men who do things and buy things for her while she's dating better men, he was doing the same for you: dating you, treating you like a low-value woman, and still getting sex and

Don't look for RP men (as in, the men you will find in here) because it's pretty impossible: the statistics say that's highly improbable... and locating one by sight is impossible because we are all pretty anonymous in here.

Instead, look for men where high value men congregate. But what makes a high value man? Wealth, career, house? Nope. A high value man is one of character. The "good" character will defined by you, and redefined as you progress through life. You seemed to think your ex was of high character... until you didn't. Now you at least know what not to look for.

TRP is a male-centric locale; our insights are male-centric and our attitudes are male-centric. The reality is that while we discuss the SMP, and AWALT, and the rest, relationships are basically exchanges of one commodity for another. Laid bare, it becomes sex for attention. Most "RP Guys" in here are basically in this realm: She gives me sex (the attention I want from her) and I give there my time and commitment (the attention she wants from me).

I spend time and energy on my wife because she is a high value woman whose presence I find valuable. She respects my space and my time, she has sex with me when I want, and most importantly, she values my attention and energy. My marriage isn't great because she cooks and cleans, and all the rest of the traditional domestic duties; my marriage is great because those things are a product of the high esteem she hold me in; I am worth the time, energy, and effort, and she demonstrates that by doing those things and having sex with me, the ultimate show of acceptance of my high value.

If she didn't value me, she wouldn't fuck me when I want, she would do it when she felt like it's enough to keep her beta bucks around. I am not him, I am the oak; the alpha-provider.

I demonstrate her value to me by basically rewarding her good behavior: I converse with her, I make things for her, I buy her gifts, flowers, etc. on and off occasions, I smile and joke with her, I take her places, I lead her and my family towards a solid future.

If she suddenly decided to not have sex with me, and I know I'm still the man I was yesterday, I'd re-evaluate the relationship; a woman who won't fuck me is a woman who doesn't value me and I'd demonstrate my value by withholding it from her and bringing it to other (women). If she suddenly decided to stop cooking, cleaning, and doing the things she otherwise does, I'd re-evaluate her still, as her reluctance to suddenly stop these things is a reflection of her character and ultimately her perception of the value of this relationship.

More succinctly: a wife who fucks me but is otherwise lazy is "plate" material. A wife who doesn't fuck me (read, fucks rarely and boringly) but does the other stuff is "orbiter" material. A woman who does it all is probably high-value LTR material.

You, my dear, were orbiter material, it seems.

We say, in here, that "men are the prize." So your job is to go out and win the best prize and you can only do that as long as you are a winner. Stop moping, get attractive, get fit, dress better (advertise your availability and sexuality) and learn how to see good men and not just "feel" alpha men; Don't react to your pussy tingles, know that the man causes them and then look for other high-value traits.

MightyTaint · 2015-11-05T01:16:57+00:00

my question was not whether I would be attractive to a red pill guy

A lot of the guys here? No. A red pill guy your age or older, probably. Especially if he's 5+ years older. I'm older than you, and I can and have pulled 20 year olds. And while they can be fun, there isn't much hope for anything long term with them. Right now I'm seeing someone a bit younger than you.

The key is that you have not run around screwing guys for the past decade having your fun, then roll up and want to settle down and leech some man. A lot of red pill guys will be quick to reject you because there are so many in your age range trying to do that. You will have to make it clear you are worthy of dating a red pill man, because a truly red pill man is quite desirous amongst women; despite what feminists and SJWs may claim.

BluntMFer · 2015-11-04T17:00:59+00:00

Your just looking for a rebound. A red pill guy would just use you.

So in other words. Yes you need a TRP guy in your life.

-The-Pussy-Whisperer · 2015-11-04T20:08:01+00:00

Your questions might be best posed in /r/RedPillWomen.

That being said, most women would benefit from an LTR with a male who has become a man, so to speak.

As far as attacking you goes, ignore them. Anger phase.

MeatCurtainRod · 2015-11-04T17:04:09+00:00

Honestly, you just answered your own question. You just asked "Where have all the good men gone?" Well, there is plenty of documentation and evidence online through even things like youtube explaining just where the good men have gone, and why the vast majority of men who remain around, are the way they are.

Theredpill is all about men bettering themselves before entering into a relationship. A concept that is always shunned upon in modern society. Win-win for everyone.

WeTheAwakened · 2015-11-04T18:50:50+00:00

Not to be an asshole, but what was the draw of this guy? What attracted you to him? The core attraction, you can probably find in other men, redpill or not... minus the shitty parts your ex had. It sounds like you may have been attracted to x attribute, then settled, because hey "at least he has x".

[deleted] · 2015-11-04T21:35:43+00:00

No, an RP guy would not be best for you. You will never be anything more than a plate to a TRP man.

You want a traditional masculine man. Most of these men will be Christians, and devoutly so. Most will also be divorced and might have children of their own.

I suspect from your answers in the thread that you want to get married and have kids. You have absolutely NO time whatsoever to waste. It is already very, very late. You need to marry within the next two years if you are to have any hope at all of having one child. You need to get very serious NOW about finding a husband. You need to show humility, that you have great domestic skills, that you have your shit together, and that for the right man, you are willing to do just about anything to get and keep him. That includes sex on demand, whenever and wherever and however he wants it.

The best you'll be able to do is high beta bucks provider. To snag him, you'll need to do a very delicate sexual dance. Too soon and he'll pump and dump you. Too late, and he'll correctly conclude you're not all that sexually attracted to him, and go elsewhere.

Your physical appearance needs to be in tip top shape. You need to fix any problems you have there. (The bottom line is that if you're serious about it, you'll find a man willing to marry you. It's just that he won't be anywhere close to as attractive as the guy who you broke up with.)

My concern is that the pool of men available to you at 31 is going to consist of men who probably will not be all that appealing to you. For the love of God, DO NOT marry a man just to "get married". This is the number one mistake women make. And they make that mistake because they hurry hurry hurry to get married to check off that box. You will make yourself - and him - miserable, and you will torpedo your marriage because of it.

You will need to look for men who are quite a bit older than you are, willing to father children, and who are willing to marry a woman in her early 30s who had a past before. You will not be attracted to most of those men. And there are exceedingly few of those men.

Most of the men who will be attractive to you are going to fall into two categories:

1) Men who will never commit to you, and if they do, they will never marry you; and if they are willing to get married, do not want children. Most of these men will be fit, good looking for their age, well off, financially secure, men in their late 30s to 50s, usually divorced or never married. If they have children, those kids are grown or close to it.

These men have options out the ass. Women like you are a dime a dozen to them, because all of you are vying with each other to lock one of them down. You all race each other to see who can put out the fastest or the best for these men. These men get more sex and more offers from 30-something lonely hearts than they can shake a dick at.

2) Players looking to pump and dump you; and TRP men looking to plate you.

I suggest that you go to Dalrock's site and read the top posts on his sidebar. I would also suggest you read the following post at Dalrock's:

"Advice to a woman in her 30s looking to marry" dalrock.wordpress.com

Good luck. You're going to need it.

huzaifa96 · 2015-11-04T19:04:36+00:00

Hang out in RPW. Like others said, you sound like a good fit.

Title	[serious] I'm a woman looking for a LTR, and I'm honestly wondering if a Red Pill guy is what I'm looking for.
Author	sweetngeeky
Upvotes	21
Comments	85
Date	November 4, 2015 4:57 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3rifyk/serious_im_a_woman_looking_for_a_ltr_and_im/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/serious-im-a-woman-looking-for-a-ltr-and-im.156091 https://theredarchive.com/post/156091

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