How do I cope with my situation? (Read below)

Abrocama · 2025-09-10T21:07:57+00:00

Sorry to hear about all the hate you experience brother. Don't let it drag you down, and never stoop to their level.

Consider going to the middle rather than an extreme. It's very helpful to not use black and white thinking. Furthermore, I'd highly recommend finding friend groups rather than simply looking for someone to date. What we really crave is connection. And yes, with time, you will find the love you are looking for.

Much love my friend.

evacygre · 2025-09-11T00:15:15+00:00

I think a lot of the issues that you mentioned would be vastly improved through therapy. Did you ever have therapy? The issues with your upbringing, the isolation you feel, even the fact that you basically grew up in a culture where you were the "outsider", the self esteem issues... For all the answer is therapy, with a GOOD therapist. Not all women from South East Asian origin are what you mention. You make big assumptions and generalizations which is ironic because you don't like the assumptions that you said other people would make about you based on pure stereotypes (ie creepy). Many South East Asian women that grew up in Western countries, want to date freely and live the same lives as Western women and feel oppressed by the same restrictions you dislike in your community. Also, most Western women do NOT care about the things you think they care (ie white muscular guys). Most of them don't care about that. You again put them in a superficial box just like you did with south East asian women. These have nothing to do with the average woman, it says more about your priorities that this is where you choose to focus on. You choose to focus on things you can't control, blaming those that they are the problem and source of your loneliness. They are not. You are projecting your insecurities to women thinking that they are the ones that have these superficial priorities. You need to approach this more with a problem solving mindset.

I am a woman and I know and I am close with plenty of women. None of my friends who are beautiful, successful etc date tall, muscular white guys. All of us just wanted a GOOD guy, who is not sexist, is generous, doesn't have a ton of insecurities etc. physical attraction is important for everyone but honestly women are MUCH more realistic on that aspect. Men in the redpill community think that something like 80% of women chase the top 10% of men, which is SO FUNNY. Because they just see the top 10% of women who look like models that THEY chase. Because men do tend to overestimate what type of woman they should be chasing. Women are much more realistic in that regard than men to be honest. A woman who looks like a model, obviously will want a man in that caliber (rich, good looking). Try to be realistic, go after someone that you find good looking enough but most importantly that you are compatible with and is a nice and loyal person. Relationships take time and investment. And also, work on yourself to become the type of person who will attract a loyal person. Learn to be generous with feelings, time but also with material things (you don't have to be rich, you have to be generous with what you have), learn to communicate openly, learn to admit when you are wrong and to communicate clearly when you are right. These are the things that build good lasting relationships. And you can only deal with those through therapy. There are no shortcuts. You can become a good man that any woman would be lucky to have. Especially because you are SOOO young. Approach it with a problem solving mindset. There is something that bothers you in your life and you can't exactly break out of that cycle? Then the method that works is therapy. To gain the self esteem to realize that the things that make someone a desirable partner are not the ones that you ve been focusing on. And therapy works better the earlier you start. If you are in your early 20s and start therapy now, by your late 20s you will be unstoppable. I usually avoid replying to these subreddit but given how young you are, I wanted to tell you there is a way to get out of this and you can do it.

LolliaSabina · 2025-09-11T17:01:17+00:00

Are you living on campus or at home still? I would highly encourage you to live on campus if you're not, because it will make it 1000 times easier to both meet new people and to assert some independence from your parents.

I'm guessing from your post that you are in the US now or another western country, so I'm going to proceed as if you are, but I apologize if I'm wrong.

First off, yes, there is a lot of Islamophobia and racism here still, sadly. Hopefully there is less of it on campuses than in other places, but I imagine that also probably depends heavily on where your school is. And certainly not every single woman you will be interested is going to be racist or Islamaphobic. I know multiple western women who are dating or married to Indian men. In fact, I have a very sweet, very handsome 20-something Pakistani neighbor who I would very happily set up with a friend if I knew anyone single his age!

For me, the biggest issue with seriously dating a South Asian or Muslim guy would be wondering if his family would accept me, or if he would have cultural or religious expectations that might not be compatible with mine. If you're not extremely conservative and religious, then you should be upfront about that so women know that that won't be an issue.

Also, there are certainly at least SOME girls from your country (or whose families are) who are not super conservative and religious, even if they are in the minority. Does your school have a south Asian student association or anything similar that you could get involved in? Even if you don't meet any girls there, you'll get out of the house and make some friends, and perhaps some of them will have sisters or friends that they could introduce you to.

What will absolutely NOT help is going down a red pill rabbit hole that's going to make you bitter and misogynistic. I have never heard a woman say, "I was never interested in that guy at work until he started referring to women as females and saying they should all be at home having babies" or "my husband started watching red pill videos and wow am I glad"

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2025-09-11T01:10:30+00:00

metoo was way back in 2017/2018. It's over now. It blew over. Get on with life.

Racism happens, especially on dating apps. But it is not going to be solved with the redpill or manosphere, both being sources of constantly online white guy angst. The redpill and manosphere do not even see racism as a problem; have you noticed that redpill teachings never address racism against nonwhite guys, instead trying to teach a one-size-fits-all angst fest?

I am not white. I have my hurdles. A challenge is making a good impression and overcoming stereotyped expectations early. I get it.

Also, you are only 20. Do not put pressure on yourself.

Look, the redpill will make a bunch of promises to get you in. Then once you are in, it just feeds you angst and rage bait to keep you around. Doesn't it seem weird that you came in the get laid, but all you get are things to keep you pissed off?

DecentIntention4753 · 2025-09-10T21:12:36+00:00

First of all, you are not unlovable, God did not put billions of people on the planet for you to end up alone. That being said, you have to put yourself out there in order to meet people. You must be willing to risk rejection. Likely many times. But so what? You will survive and in the process, learn and become stronger. Are there some women who are prejudiced against “brown” people? Sure. But who cares, they are not for you obviously, and it’s their loss. Do your best to be attractive! Dress nicely, Have good hygiene, (not be smelly) Be friendly. Try to have a magnetic personality. Be fun, funny, outgoing and interesting. Laugh at yourself. Try new things and you will meet new people. You are only 20 years old. This is the time of your life to be taking risks and failing at things. Go sign up for something today. Some examples: an Irish dance class, a book club, a cooking class, a comedy show, a hiking meetup… You will meet interesting and interested people. I promise

BrotherEuuugh · 2025-09-11T14:23:43+00:00

If you’re not living in a western country, I don’t see any reason to be concerned with the dating lives of western women. Keep in mind that all the current hate directed to South Asian people in the west is rooted in xenophobia first and foremost. It’s not from misogynistic cultural practices. It’s not from economic pressures. Those are just secondary reasons tacked on to rationalize the xenophobia. If South Asia became a bastion of women’s rights overnight, the same people hating South Asians in the west would still hate them, they’d just find another reason to.

If anyone thinks you’re creepy because of your skin color, do yourself a favor and avoid them. Don’t listen to their rationalizations. The creep stereotype is rooted in colonial era prejudices and given the violence against brown people in Ireland and Australia, is stochastic terrorism at this point. Nobody who accuses you of being a creep has anything of value to say.

rando755 · 2025-09-11T01:51:11+00:00

I want to start by highly commending you for majoring in computer engineering. With so many worthless degrees being churned out of today's universities, it's great to see someone learning how to do something valuable that can help you, your family, your country, and other countries. If you can perform well in your degree program, and then go on to be a successful engineer, then I believe that having that career will help your personal life more in the long run than anything that you can do while an undergraduate.

Part of your challenge might be the fact that engineering programs require more time and work than a lot of other degree programs. You don't have enough time to party your way through undergraduate studies. I completed 100% of the requirements of the math major, in addition to my official major at my university. I did not have any time for the parties of the students who major in communications and ethnic studies. Maybe you should lower your expectations, compared to the kind of personal lives that communications majors have during undergraduate studies.

The belief that all women want tall muscular white guys is one that I do not personally believe.

One recommendation that I would make is to find published academic research about the claims that you find online, including in the manosphere. For example, there has been research about what percentage of men of different ethnic background are single or celibate. Are white men a lot more likely to get sex and relationships than other groups of men? Find that research through Google Scholar. A lot of it might surprise you. There are people in the psychology and sociology departments of today's universities who have published research about all kinds of claims about dating, relationships, and sex. I am amazed by some of the conclusions that I have found.

I don't mean this as an insult to any subreddit, because reddit is much better than a lot of online sources, but even reddit is not a substitute for the kind of work that appears in academic journals.

I wish you the best in your computer engineering program, your career, and your personal life. When women judge you, if you are over about age 22 or so, then your career is one of the things that most of them will judge.

tristesse_blanche · 2025-09-11T14:05:54+00:00

Yes there is something wrong with you - you believed what the internet and social media told you to believe. That's your only problem. You believed you are hated and persecuted when that's just not true at all. You are not a Jew in Nazi Germany. Get off the internet. Touch grass

Title	How do I cope with my situation? (Read below)
Author	HistoricalBeyond6814
Upvotes	5
Comments	9
Date	September 10, 2025 6:39 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1ndmkaf/how_do_i_cope_with_my_situation_read_below/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-i-cope-with-my-situation-read-below.1561738 https://theredarchive.com/post/1561738

Comments