Coffee date etiquette?

hunterpua · 2025-09-15T17:58:39+00:00

Forget expectations or official dates or whatever. The only girl I've went out on "official" dates with in the past 10 years is my girlfriend.

Before she became my girlfriend, I also never went out with her on things that were clearly dates.

And most of the time, when I went out with girls as a single guy, it was always with a group, and there were often multiple girls that I was flirting with in that group.

Making someone understand that something is a date won't magically make them feel an emotional connection and sexual chemistry with you.

Its much better to just be hanging out with a girl in a situation that feels farthest away from an "official date" as possible but you two are getting along really well, flirting a lot with each other, and getting touchy, than being on the most romantic date you can imagine but you guys aren't really getting along.

Don't lose sight of what's actually important.

When I was in college I didn't even have to go out with girls, I pulled just from flirting with them in class or whenever I'd bump into them on campus.

An "official date" is just noise.

Doesn't matter what the setting is, if you can talk to her, you can flirt with her. That's what really matters.

So whenever you see her and when you do go out for coffee, forget letting her understand how you feel or clarifying your expectations, just get to know her better, tease her, playfully mess with her, playfully challenge her, make flirty remarks, and escalate and if you go through all of that successfully, you two will end up getting intimate. It's that simple.

Chaos_Walking_001 · 2025-09-16T04:53:55+00:00

Let’s normalise understanding that dates don’t mean an obligation of emotional or sexual connection. They are for getting to know each other to see if there can eventually be those things

SeamoreB00bz · 2025-09-16T00:38:18+00:00

coffee meetups arent dates.

its coffee. dont overthink it.

DreamShort3109 · 2025-09-17T01:51:45+00:00

Yeah, assume you completely understand what the girl says even though god knows that nobody knows what women mean.

Klutzy-Painting885 · 2025-09-17T11:05:39+00:00

You can set expectations to some extent by doing small things like opening doors for her and buying her coffee. Show her how you’ll treat her if you’re in a relationship. You can also go for an extended hug after the date.

Otherwise yeah it’s just an initial “get to know you” type of deal.

RubenAndJavi · 2025-09-15T17:35:10+00:00

Don't go to the date with the intention of making a good impression and getting a second date.

Sure, be engaging, fun, try to connect with her. But your main intention should be finding out whether you find her attractive on a personal level. This will prevent you from spending time with someone you don't really like, and shift the frame in your favor.

Illustrious_Size610 · 2025-09-15T18:09:38+00:00

- I don't know what the expactations on her part will be.

It doesn't matter, what matters is what intention you have and then act and frame the whole thing based on that intention. You don't act like a friend and then hope she tells you if you can or cannot act like a lover or a guy who hits on her.

You hit on her on the date because you feel like it period. You do it no matter the outcome and you don't apologize for hitting on her and you don't shift into acting strictly platonic if she tells you she would prefer that.

Because you are not there to do what she prefers like a good obedient puppy og. You are there to be honest with what you intent and if she is not in your page then you let her go calmly.

- hopefully I make a good enough impression she'll agree to go on a second outing/official date

You are already going with the wrong mindset just by reading this part. It's not your job to "make a good or bad impression", that type of line suggests you are there to score points, to seek approval, to make sure you don't fumble, to hope that she rewards you for being a good dog. This is anti seductive and needy behaviour, as well as manipulative too.

Becuase rather than being yoruself without filters, without giving a shit if she likes you or not, you would go there hoping to say the right things, making sure that your jokes or comments don't upset her, making sure she likes what she hears from you and basing your entire behaviour based on what will get you closer to getting somethign from her in the end.

It's the equicalent of acting like a politician who wants someone's vote, the politician is always trying to say what he thinks the voter wants to hear, not what he actually believes in, because what he might believe in might not be what the voter wants to hear at all and so he'd risk losing the vote. Hence he filters himself, and says things he doesn't mean, hoping to trick the voter to get his vote no matter what.

That's being fake, dishonest, manipulative and women tend to feel that even if they can't articulate exactly the fele the overly safe vibe, and then when they turn you down they say it as "you are a really nice guy, but i just didn't feel the spark". Which is code for "you said or did exactly everything you are supposed to according to "etiquette", i felt so safe with you, and you did nothign to upset me or annoy me, and that is exactly why i feel nothing for you and don't want to pursue anything romantic or sexual with you".

You are not there to be mister correct guy, or adhere to norms, or to be what you think she will reward. You are not there to adapt to what she tells you she wants. Women don't respect you when you do that.

Women can give their opinions over how you behave with them, question whether you should want sex, objecting to any of your actions, but it's not your job to then shift your behaviour and adapt to her so that she approves.

Instead you need to double down calmly on eveyrthing she critisizes or objects to and show her that you are willing to let her go, that you won't change who you are, what you say, what you express or what you want just to be with her or to get a second date. That is being true to yoruself, that's being honest and authentic and real.

But when you base your behaviour on "oh no i must hide this or i must do what she tells me or else she is gonna reject me" that's ironically what turns off women the most and cuases rejection way more often.

Title	Coffee date etiquette?
Author	DanteHolmes3605
Upvotes	6
Comments	10
Date	September 15, 2025 5:29 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1nhs9nq/coffee_date_etiquette/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/coffee-date-etiquette.1562057 https://theredarchive.com/post/1562057

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