Scared of not finding another girlfriend due to luck or fate – if they exist

hufflepuff-is-best · 2025-10-16T06:17:08+00:00

You are 25, you are still very young! You are not going to spend your life alone. Your desperation to find someone is actually driving women away. You really need time to be single and learn to appreciate yourself before bringing someone else into the picture.

Healthy relationships are made by two well-rounded and confident people who love themselves as much as they love each other

HLMaiBalsychofKorse · 2025-10-14T11:49:13+00:00

No to all of that.

No woman who has solid self esteem wants to date a guy whose whole worldview depends on her (you have NO social outlet except her), and constantly soothing his ego (giving into his “irresistible neediness”).

No healthy woman wants to date someone who can’t handle basic socialization (even in a social environment), so he puts women he doesn’t know at all on the spot by hitting on them in inappropriate settings (meditation class, yoga).

No healthy woman wants to date a guy who hits on her only because he’s scared of being alone, and immediately bombards her with his neediness, claiming it’s some immutable characteristic (it’s not).

That’s all you walking up to women saying, “hey lady, I am socially withdrawn and miserable, now what are you going to do for ME?”

Why would that go well?

rando755 · 2025-10-14T16:48:28+00:00

I can't advise you based on experience. But I notice that you did not mention dating apps. What are your thoughts about trying a dating app?

trah34 · 2025-10-21T16:38:10+00:00

I concur with everyone else here, and with you, that it would be best for you to move past this extreme neediness because it's giving you problems. It also sounds like you need a good distraction from the whole looking for a girlfriend thing because it's driving you crazy, you need somewhere else to put that energy. Best thing I can recommend it to find a job or a hobby that is fun, challenging, confidence building and all consuming. If you have the flexibility and would be interested in it, try getting a job on a fishing boat, or WOOFing, or as a waiter at a vacation colony, or try volunteering at a soup kitchen or political action campaign. The first three jobs pay you in housing and food as well as normal pay, so if you don't have alot of money but are flexible they can be good options. The second two always need volunteers, so if you like them you have the opportunity to get a leadership role in the future. Most importantly all of these things can be very time consuming and involve contributing to a small well-knit community driving towards the same goal, which I have found is the most confidence building and satisfying sort of thing anyone can do.

Once you feel that your life is satisfying on it's own, and you are useful and important, you will have less of a strong need or feeling like you will die alone, and it will be easier for you to approach dating.

Ok_Assistance5440 · 2025-10-22T00:15:01+00:00

also if there’s one thing i can say to give you hope and encouragement on your journey, red pill pick up tactics will NEVER work unless you are a shallow guy who wants to be used by a shallow girl. if you aren’t using those sexist tactics you’re already better off because they genuinely revolt women. you’re pretty new to this so just try different things and experiment to find what works for you, don’t take rejection to heart. and again, have female friends!! it really helps to have women’s perspectives in your life so you can understand us better.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2025-10-14T19:03:19+00:00

Also, I can’t resist the urge of neediness. For instance, when that urge comes, I can’t resist texting her needily.

What exactly does this urge feel like? Is it need for sex? Cuddling? Conversation?

This makes sense but how can I be outcome independent on this kind of an important humane thing?

Again. What does this “important human thing” mean to you? You dated for a year and a half. What was your daily interaction with her? What did you get out of it?

How can I accept that I might be single for the rest of my life?

Why is that so bad? Are you afraid of loneliness? Or something else?

Fluffy_Split3397 · 2025-10-14T20:10:00+00:00

It’s all about luck. So you definitely should try to learn being happy alone forever. Focus your life only on your goals. That’s the harsh truth. And trust me, having a girl can be hell. So even if you find one. It’s no sunshine and rainbows

Open_Championship756 · 2025-10-16T20:01:30+00:00

Don’t give up 🌸 at my cities they do free event and paid event for people around young adult age group to meet. Show up nice and smell nice look nice and make friends , talk about your hobbies and see if there’s connection. Also go to therapy… a women might not be what ur looking for. But also do hobbies u actually like and u will naturally meet people that align with y value. Other place to go as well is young people’s church ahhaha their parents will be begging u to marry them.

Odd-Loan-3999 · 2025-10-22T02:10:35+00:00

Don’t give up!! I am a woman, and all throughout college I thought something was wrong with me too. I’m not cocky, but I do know I am a very pretty woman. But I was constantly ghosted by men. I grew up a bit nerdy and was a bit of a tomboy, so I think it just took a certain type of man to enjoy that for a long term relationship. Anyway, I got to a point where I was being ghosted left and right, and I decided to just let it go. As cliche as it sounds, I started doing things I enjoyed, and started getting more into certain hobbies. Until one day, I did meet a man. And wow am I thankful for each and every man that ghosted me before. It takes time to find a good person, and I believe it isn’t just something you find right away especially if you are searching for it. Find yourself, pick up some hobbies that get you outside. You will start glowing (seriously) and the right woman will pick up on that. Keep being vulnerable and kind, and yourself. You seem like a great guy with lots of self awareness and that is something a lot of women look for

IllInteraction6867 · 2025-10-22T08:35:04+00:00

realistically you need therapy, at the very least try to talk through your own beliefs in a critical way with somebody. try to dismantle them. damn even as a last resort use ChatGPT and ask it to respond from a lens of helping you dismantle unhealthy beliefs/thought processes so you can build up healthier and sustainable ones

ObligationAble899 · 2025-10-22T07:39:34+00:00

Hey! I know you’ve mentioned that the majority of people you see on the street are in relationships - but as someone (a woman) that was single until 26, I had a lot of the same feelings as you. I felt so angry that everyone else had partners and I was lonely and it felt like everyone was rubbing it in my face.

I think remembering that not everyone is happy in a relationship is what really helped me. Lots of people rush into a relationship for the sake of it rather than their bond with another person. Lots of people you see on the street might be arguing at home or be cheating on each other or hate each other. People on social media (ESPECIALLY unhappy couples) exaggerate good moments between themselves and their partners. I’ve seen this firsthand with friends who have had a horrible time and posted on Instagram like everything was amazing.

Of course the prospect of staying single forever scares you - we go our whole lives being told this is terrible. Not everybody has the same journey or finds someone in the same time other people do.

Something that really helped me was to work on the self love stuff. I wasn’t coming across well to people I was trying to date because I HAAAATED myself. Joining clubs and finding hobbies you love is a priority - not just because you’ll meet women there. Find something to get your mind off this for a little while and help it stop hurting. The more confident you actually feel, the more success you’re likely to have with dates. It’s not a prerequisite to love but it will help spur you on into talking to people more :)

Also, I didn’t try dating apps until later on because I was scared everyone would hate me and it wouldn’t work. I promise this is not the case. Top tips are humour, sharing your interests and showing you have a full life (i.e. the hobbies!). It’s actually easier because it’s formulaic and you have more time to respond. I’d really recommend it. You also have sure fire knowledge that the person you’re talking to is interested in you.

Sorry this was long but I really wanted to help!

offputtingangel · 2025-10-22T08:50:58+00:00

i want to start by saying that being alone isn’t a bad thing, it’s certainly better then being with the wrong person and i think it’s rather beautiful to enjoy your own company. personally i haven’t found it scary to imagine living my life alone in a long time but that’s because there are so many other things to value besides just having a romantic partner. platonic relationships are just as important, those with friends and family are real life savers whether you’re in a relationship or not. my best friend has been there with my since grade four but we don’t see each other everyday or even talk every week as we have long since moved far away from each other. but she’s still there and i hope we will always be there for each other. i’m also always excited to add new friends into my life and get especially excited when i find a potential new friend that i feel a strong connection to, like i’ll literally lay in my bed daydreaming about inviting them to a dinner party and plotting (that word sounds sinister but i swear it’s not meant in the evil villain way) on how to become besties.

hobbies/passions are another important factor to focus on maintaining in your life. what do you like to do? do you have any dreams/goals? what would you like to try/experience? get rid of the pressure to only do something if you’re amazing at it and do the things you enjoy or think you will enjoy. i take pottery classes and i’m totally and completely shit at it but i enjoy tf out of it so i keep doing it. it’s a fun activity and i get to learn something + meet people. try to see the fun in doing something just for yourself, something you want to do because you’ve always wanted to or because it just seems cool. do you genuinely want to take yoga classes or are you just going to meet women? because it sounds a little like the latter option. build your life up around yourself instead of around this hypothetical mate that may or may not be at xyz place. finding a partner should not be your only/main goal when creating your life. the other parts are just as important. it’s those other parts that will be there if your relationship fails but it’s also those other parts that you will turn to when the relationship newness/puppy love stage wears off. you will want to have some things that are just for you! my grandparents were the two most in love people i’ve ever had the pleasure to witness, their love story is beautiful yet even they had things that were just for them and they valued those parts of their lives too.

this next one sounds a little bit lame but money/financial security is another big one. personally i find it harder to focus on my career goals when i’m in a relationship so when i’m not is when it’s easiest for me to put my all into work and advance myself. then when i am in a relationship i thank myself because i’m able to afford to do the things i enjoy, focus on my partner and decentre work a little bit. nobody likes having to pull longer hours, working weekends, taking on extra responsibilities and it sucks an extra lot when you have a loving partner waiting for you in your cozy home. so build that up now for future you or just for your future in general.

these are all important factors whether you’re in a relationship or not, but trust me when i tell you that you will value the above when you’re in a relationship because no matter how great your partner is they cannot and should not be everything/the only thing in your life. these things are important to have because in order to have a healthy relationship you also have to have a strong sense of self and a life of your own.

this might sound cliche but try not to be so scared of being alone, or at least try to make that less scary for yourself by putting effort into building up a life for just yourself that you truly love. when the right person comes along (and they will because you’re only 25 and have plenty of time left) you will find it much easier to make space for them in your life vs centring your entire world around them.

as for being needy, you might just find yourself a needy partner who feels reassurance via the way you express that you need/love them an extra lot. however if you build your life up to the point that you love yourself and your own life that neediness will decrease because you will feel assured that the world doesn’t end when you’re without a romantic partner. funnily enough one of my close friends is a very needy guy. shortly after i first met him he was dating a very non needy girl who was pushed away by his neediness and eventually she cheated on him with her ex. his next girlfriend was very much the opposite. i only met her once because i moved ten hours away but they came down to visit for a weekend. she got very attached to me very quickly. apparently she expected me to be a bitch or maybe one of those boundary crossing girl best friends that thrive off male attention. i have a fiancé so i wasn’t sure why she would think that but she explained it was essentially because i’m pretty, live in a big city, and have followers on social media? she was very insecure but very forthcoming about it so i tried my best to make her feel comfortable and build up her confidence while being made increasingly uncomfortable as time went on. she would burst into the bathroom without knocking, ask to use my makeup, ask to wear my clothes, used my hairbrush, i woke up one morning to her crawling into bed with me and my partner, she tried to follow me to bed after i got up to go pee at 3am in the morning, etc. she was non stop complimenting me but in the way where she very clearly expected compliments back and was also convinced i had a nose job? she was a lot. apparently she didn’t have many women friends and was just excited so i continued to be nice to her but i definitely felt it was over the top as i had only just met her and she was acting like we were best friends of 10 years. i like my personal space unless i’m very close with someone, i don’t like peeing around people, i don’t like people wearing my clothes and i have ocd so i definitely am not sharing my makeup or hairbrush!

i didn’t say anything to my friend who was dating her but a few months later i found out he had ended the relationship… because she was too clingy and acted the same way towards him. i hadn’t seen as much of that during their visit because she had latched onto me instead but he couldn’t even go on lunch break at work without her expecting to be on facetime with him the entire time. he felt boxed in, he never had time to play video games anymore because she took every moment he wasn’t focused on her as a slight and would pout/make him feel bad. he couldn’t go to car meets anymore without her accompanying him, hell he couldn’t even go to the mechanic without her by his side. she expected his every waking moment and thought to be about her. he had a hard time ending the relationship because he thought that was what he had wanted, someone who was all about him. but he quickly realized just how important those other aspects of his life were to him and that a relationship isn’t going to fill every hole in his life. so just be mindful, your relationship/partner can absolutely be your priority but it can’t be everything.

polimore99 · 2025-10-22T09:13:12+00:00

i got taught when i was younger and afraid of making friends on the playground that i should start having fun, with my parents or my sibling, and other kids will want to join in, and everytime we started playing a game or started having fun some other kids would always join in. i think thats exactly what adult life and relationships are like but people dont notice. if you start feeling better and appreciating your own company more, people will want to be apart of that. and this is way easier said than done but at least give yourself a break from all the pressure to find a girlfiriend immediately. why is your company nice company to be in? what are your hobbies? what do you like doing? do you do that stuff often enough? dont join a yoga class unless you actually like yoga. doing inauthentic things to find a partner will unfortunately never yield great results because either they wont like you or they will but you wont actually mesh well with them because they're not compatible with your true self. you're 100% going to find someone to be with, i would put money on that, but try and see if you can be kinder to yourself first, you're not needy, you just value true honest connection. youre already reflective and considerate, find out more about why youre a nice person.

Bubbly_Analyst6057 · 2025-10-29T04:42:36+00:00

It seems to me you need to stop and think to yourself why do you want a girlfriend. Companionship and love can be achieved through friendship without ever dating, sex too doesn't need strictly dating. I think love is not something you look for but something that finds you. And a lot of times we as a society chase this picture perfect idea of a couple that represent "one's other half" or who will give us a "perfect family". Those things don't exist and trying to get actual people and relationships to fit the boxes can destroy you.

You can look for people tho, look for common interests. It makes no sense to try to find someone on a gym if you don't like doing exercise, right? So look for things you enjoy and just look for friends (regardless of gender) to share what you enjoy with. Love will appear in all it shapes eventually. Just remember we are all complex humans, put yourself in the other's shoes and be compassionate. I hope the best of lucks to you

jett04 · 2025-10-22T08:50:49+00:00

seriously an extremely big phrase i’ve heard hundredssss of women say is: you always get a partner when you aren’t looking for one. that’s an experience that i think goes for everyone. if you want to be in a relationship, you need to be at a point in your life where someone wants to join you. You need to have real passions, hobbies, goals, wants. you need to have personal goals and plans that aren’t relationship focused. you don’t need success! that’s not what i’m saying. but if someone meets you and they don’t really understand what you do with your life or time they won’t see where a relationship will fit into your life.

it’s very very common to see someone getting in a relationship when they decide to swear off dating. Because no one is more attractive than the person who is truly focused on working to make themselves better.

Title	Scared of not finding another girlfriend due to luck or fate – if they exist
Author	Barry_2699
Upvotes	5
Comments	40
Date	October 14, 2025 9:00 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1o6addz/scared_of_not_finding_another_girlfriend_due_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/scared-of-not-finding-another-girlfriend-due-to.1564087 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564087

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