Like the title says, my first Christmas alone. I don't have any kids with my stbx but helped raised her sisters that are twins. I'm back in my hometown in a small apartment, bought a car that I love but just feels like I'm missing something. Every year with my ex we went to see Christmas lights, party's, and watching all the classics. Now I have been to the parties we normally went to and bought myself some gifts/gifts for my family, but just feeling like as my family grows and are getting married, having more kids, upgrading lives, it's almost a reminder that I'm sinking further from what my dreams were. I'm doing everything I can to make myself healthier and better than I was, I'm about 7 months sober and don't have my urge to drink or smoke down. At the same time I miss being with my ex, just having a great and amazing time, talking about our future and how excited we both were about all of it. It's just hard waking up everyday and knowing I have to have me, there is no team anymore. I'm still young (29) but still feels like this could be my forever. I don't know maybe I'm just depressed. It'll get better. Thank you all for reading this and I appreciate any and all insights. You guys are awesome!