Had our final judgment last week, lawyer sent me the finalized documents and congratulated me on being officially divorced. Casualness of it isn't upsetting since we casually got married in the first place. We also have already settled into a co-parenting schedule that works so it was all about waiting for it to be official.

I haven't cried as much as I have the last seven days. Not over her, but my mom. I had to keep my grief inside for an entire year because of what this woman did to me especially while my mom was dying and it finally came out all at once.

I'm not going to be okay for a very long time. I have to relearn how to be alone instead of just feeling alone first. Then I'll figure everything else out. I have emotional trauma from all this. For example I'm financially independent now and I feel guilty if I spend money on myself. I still get gripped by the anxiety I had when I needed her for everything and only having a pittance from oddjobs. I make more now than when I left the workforce years ago, and I always feel like any moment the other shoe is going to drop.

It's a long road ahead. I'm looking into EMDR therapy just to try and stop the physiological reactions I'm still having