I’m really struggling with guilt and resentment after my divorce and I don’t know what’s reasonable anymore.

I have 50/50 care of my son. I work full time, school runs can take up to an hour each way, work is demanding, and I’m doing everything on my own now cooking, cleaning, washing, life admin. I can’t afford a cleaner. It’s feels like there is no slack anywhere.

My mum lives about 1.5 hours away. My dad passed away 5 years ago and he did most things for her. Since then she’s not really independent. Her confidence is low, she doesn’t drive, and she doesn’t speak English well. She doesn’t really go out or have much of a life outside of me and seeing my daughter.

Before the divorce, I lived closer and would go there every Friday and still have time with my daughter.

Because of that, if I don’t take my son to her, she won’t see him. I have him every other weekend, and those weekends are almost always spent at my mum’s. If I don’t go, she won’t see him for a month, will be on her own, unless one of my brothers or sisters go which is rare (I have tried to get them

To go more, but it’s a non starter) and that feels brutal and cruel.

But it also means I never really get proper weekends with my son at home. Where I live, I want to take him places, do normal things, build routines, just exist together. Instead, weekends feel like long drives, someone else’s house, someone else’s rules. It doesn’t feel like our life. In the week the time I get with him is limited due to the school runs, food, bath and work, so not proper time.

She adores him and he loves his nanny, but when we’re there he gets loads of sweets, constant toys, and used to sit watching YouTube all day. I’ve pushed back on the screen time and this weekend we went out both days, which helped, but the underlying feeling hasn’t gone away.

I hate that I feel resentful towards my Mum and family. I hate that I get snappy over small things. I hate that I feel like a bad son if I don’t go, and a bad dad when I do. I didn’t choose this life, and it feels relentless.

How do people balance caring for parents who aren’t independent without sacrificing their own relationship with their child?

I feel stuck between duty and burnout, and I don’t know where the line should be.

In some ways, I wish I just accepted my ex wife cheating and absorbed that for a better life for me, my son and my Mum.

I don’t have much money, enjoyment for life and feel unbelievably guilty for my Mum.

I really hope karma is real for my ex.