It was my fault. I feel so much guilt.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2026-03-17T09:18:13+00:00

She’s desperately clinging to a fantasy. You’re needlessly torturing a woman you don’t want to be with. You both need massive amounts of therapy and a quick divorce.

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2026-03-15T11:15:32+00:00

No. It’s too painful to “constantly “ go back. And be in a relationship that none want to be in. The resentments are already engraved into the relationship. You can pretend, create a facade, whatever. But do you want to live the rest of your life unhappy…..and ANGRY?.

darksubhuti · 2026-03-15T01:14:04+00:00

Oh no, divorce , separation. Good for you both. Sharp pain better than long toxic poisoning.

SuspectAwareness · 2026-03-13T22:46:09+00:00

This sounds like a case for mixedorientation or straightspouses.

Is she right that you don't want to be there? If not, is her anxiety well-founded-- that is, did you cheat physically or emotionally or register for hookup apps?

If it is for your kids, because you think you and your wife will be able to provide them a loving and stable home that would be better for them than separate households, I'd really suggest looking at mixedorientation and seeing the wide range of situations that such marriages can take with negotiation and mutual love.

But for her sake, are you gay or bisexual?

I'm a bisexual man. If you are bisexual rather than gay, I fail to see the issue.

As a group, we have been telling people for decades that being bi doesn't mean one has to be with both men and women. We don't need poly and we don't need to cheat. We are unfairly targeted with suspicion that we will leave our partners for someone of the other sex, regardless of what sex we are with. And a big part of that bias-- and the hurtful assumption of "Bi now, Gay later"-- comes from folks who use bisexuality as a temporary identity on their road to homosexuality.

So if you are gay, tell her that. Leaving her under a mask of bisexuality will only confuse and hurt her more, because bisexuality is not a reason to leave a partner. If you are capable of romantic and sexual attraction to women, even if less frequently or less strongly than attraction to men, then the issue isn't your sexuality, but some of those other issues.

a_day_at_a_timee · 2026-03-13T22:24:37+00:00

she doesn’t want you back… she wants the idea of you back. it’s going to be painful for her for a while but ultimately she will see that it wasn’t the right fit and hopefully you can be friends.

just fyi… i spend a lot of time in palm springs and the gays are living their best life out there. as a straight guy i think it’s crazy how much fun they are having. they run that town and it’s pretty incredible.

TimeCycle3000 · 2026-03-13T21:39:35+00:00

Hi. I understand this VERY deeply.

I’m the same as you. I’m bi.

And I’m about to tell my wife I want a divorce. Not because of my sexuality, though her approach to it hasn’t helped.

My wife has hurt my feelings being comprehension previously, and I MUST - for my own sanity - not be married to her anymore. She will continue to hurt me. I’ve seen her patterns and they’ve been solid for so many years. She told me in the last couple of years, multiple times, that she’s changed. And then a couple months ago she told be she’s just been quiet, not changed. Her reality of truth is whatever suits her in the moment.

I’ve tried to make it work. So many years, I’ve tried. And I tried to leave once and had to come back. I am not doing that again.

twiggyRamirez11 · 2026-03-13T21:37:06+00:00

I am sorry but you can’t be gay and committed to a woman. That wouldn’t be fair to neither of you, life is too short to spend your best years begging for something the other person can’t offer

Title	It was my fault. I feel so much guilt.
Author	SquigglyCow225
Upvotes	1
Comments	10
Date	March 13, 2026 9:31 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1rt0f5x/it_was_my_fault_i_feel_so_much_guilt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/it-was-my-fault-i-feel-so-much-guilt.1575433 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575433

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