Advice for someone whose spouse has become a redpiller?

watsername · 2026-03-24T06:01:07+00:00

Leave him.

J-hophop · 2026-03-24T12:35:53+00:00

Legit in any case where someone very close changes dramatically in a relatively short amount of time, I recommend checking for brain tumours. My Dad was always a bit of an AH, poser (for all the right reasons though - get a haircut and get a real job type thing), and king of BS (Leos 🤷‍♀️) but there was a weird period in which he seemed to start buying his own BS that we really should've noticed better before he deteriorated to the point of watching TV static and we took him in and found the tumours. Behaviour changes are reasonable to get checked out - and loving family should be supportive if you aren't too confrontational about it. Personally, I'd start there.

OstrichAlone2069 · 2026-03-24T04:46:27+00:00

You might seek out deprogrqmming resources that they typically use with cult members.

https://youtu.be/2y33WOlIM2M?si=geUMYwFuvtq0YKnt

This site also has some suggestions

https://apricityexpattherapy.com/healing-from-red-pill-expat-guide-to-trust-and-connection/

This gentleman also has a long post on the topic

https://www.retroactivejealousy.com/how-to-escape-the-red-pill/

palibard · 2026-03-24T16:28:06+00:00

I went into and back out of the red pill / alt right rabbit holes myself to some extent. In my experience, I found it interesting to consider and discuss those ideas in theory, but when I thought through the implications of those worldviews, I realized I didn’t really want to put any of it into practice. I didn’t want to actually legally reinstate white nationalism and male dominance and commit discrimination or violence against other groups. I had already had healthy relationships with women and friendships with people of all backgrounds and I would not want them mistreated. I think a lot of people who get into this stuff might not have those. But maybe talk to him about what changes he actually wants to implement. Hopefully it points out the cruelty in those worldviews. Of course many people are legitimately fine with that cruelty.

xvszero · 2026-03-24T10:06:34+00:00

How different has he become? What were his beliefs before? What were his politics?

Odd-Luck7658 · 2026-03-30T11:38:36+00:00

Tell him exactly how his behavior is affecting you. He has changed the relationship and you may need to leave. You could suggest he meet with a therapist to find out why he has changed so dramatically.

RoutineNo3701 · 2026-03-26T17:52:33+00:00

Tell him you do not agree at all with his ideas. Patiently hear him out, and then tell him "okay I'm going to do my own research and form my own opinions on these things", then straight up prepare a debate document. Try to counter his views, and tell him if he truly loves you he can not spout his views while you receptively listen while he refuses to hear out your rebuttles.

Personal_Dirt3089 · 2026-03-28T06:58:49+00:00

Two years ago, did he seem to only follow politics that had to do with hurting or "owning" other people with zero benefit to himself?

OneSaltyNut33 · 2026-03-29T17:26:58+00:00

Firstly, I’m sorry for what you’re going through, as it must be pretty concerning and result in this ball of anxiety and unease in your gut (at least, it would for me). Despite his externally prickly attitude, I also feel for your husband, too, as consuming and becoming increasingly hooked on content that engenders anger, mistrust, covert hate, and disconnection is also damaging to him and his relationships. It’s a lonely path.

I don’t think the suggestion of “leaving him” is what you’re looking for, and frankly, having a built a life with someone doesn’t make that an easily viable initial option. If they are your partner, I respect your desire to help him, and this obviously affects your life and relationship too. This, my suggestions will come from that place.

I don’t want this post to get too crazy long, but I’m afraid it will be. My first suggestion is that you get curious, and try to connect with the feelings underneath his externally espoused views. The arguments and worldview are obviously pretty off and harmful, but if you can connect and validate the feelings underneath, such as anger, hurt, disempowerment, perhaps feeling emasculated, or a desire for change and agency, you might be able to start connecting and siding with him emotionally, while gently but consistently suggesting that his feelings are valid, while the framework may be off, incomplete, one-sided, or harmful to you as a partner.

The other thing you could do is try to gently explore the historical or developmental wound that is often at the root (or at least seems to co-occur a lot) of this redpill stuff. If you can explore what experiences in his early life, parenting, schooling, and maybe early dating life hurt him or caused him to become resentful, you may help him create a little bit of an opening to consider that his current draw towards this is based on that, and request that he take a look at that with a therapist if he’s open to it. This is admittedly very tricky territory, as you will likely be met with defensiveness and hostility if he picks up that you’re trying to play therapist, so I suggest that this conversation happen in increments and installments, and not one shot. Break it up over 6-7 convos.

Additionally, as much as it may be abhorrent and anathema to you, you could consider listening or reading some of the content he’s listening to, and try to find something (even if it’s tiny) that you can see the validity in (even crazy lies and distortions has fragments of truth - it’s what sells them), and discuss it with him. He probably knows that you won’t agree with this content or views, and like many redpill dudes, they are unconsciously seeking a fight and have an aggressive stance. Showing curiosity, putting time into reading or listening to what he’s listening to, and sharing the slivers of what you see the validity in may disarm him some, and create an opening for discussion.

Lastly, you could try finding the things about that you like that aren’t redpill-aligned, and reinforce those things, and let him know that that’s what you love, respect, and value about him.

Honestly, this is a tough deal, and it may get worse before it gets better, and he may need some kind of bottom with it, but I hope these things help a bit, and know that others feel your pain.

For context, I’m a dude, and work with guys with some of these leanings, and have seen some of these things work some. Good luck!

No_Sense_5018 · 2026-03-29T23:32:29+00:00

I an so sorry. My husband has done the same to me. The time he’s wasted on being brainwashed. The podcasts. The videos. He forces me to watch the videos. Jordan Petersen. He forced me to take Karyn Seitz’s Happiness and Happy Wife programs ($3800)- teach that wife is ALWAYS wrong. Accusations. Natural woman ways (hypergamy). The things that come out of left field that have nothing to do with me or with our relationship or with our lives are astonishing. The alpha males. The beta males. His insistence that I have to be the one to change to make our lives better (why does anyone need to change anyway?). He resents me. He hates me. Red pill is a sickening outlook on life.

Title	Advice for someone whose spouse has become a redpiller?
Author	Inevitable-Move-508
Upvotes	7
Comments	19
Date	March 24, 2026 4:23 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1s23z3x/advice_for_someone_whose_spouse_has_become_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/advice-for-someone-whose-spouse-has-become-a.1576258 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576258

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