Let me paint you a situation - you’re in your teens or early 20s, you’re out at night hanging out with your friends, shooting the shit, maybe getting drunk - and another group of guys starts approaching you.

Something about them feels off. Maybe they dress different. Maybe they’re a different ethnicity. Maybe you just don’t like the way they look in general.

I’m assuming a lot of us have had a similar experience at one point or another, so how did you respond?

Maybe you tense up. Maybe you huddle together and try to make yourself look bigger. Maybe you put on serious expressions and try to make yourself look as intimidating as possible.

Usually this other group will pass by without incident (or maybe a few awkward, suspicious looks) but the fact remains, why do we treat each other like this?

Obviously, I am a man. Obviously I’m aware of the world we live in how easy it is to fall victim to some crazy crackhead, or a guy having a really bad day, or whatever other threats are out there. I’m not saying it’s not good to have a sense of self-preservation.

But at the same time, let’s ask ourselves, *why* do we do this? Whilst you were tensing up with the other group of guys approaching, odds are they were doing exactly the same.

Do you do it because of biology? You could argue that in a sense, but people have made similar claims about slavery or pederasty, yet we have transcended those. Is it for the women? Perhaps, but is acting like a bunch of tough-guy wannabes really the only way to attract a girl? Is it poverty and boredom? That’s another factor, but would getting into pointless arguments, fights, preening contests with our fellow men really solve that?

And look, I get the awkwardness. I get the desire to want to feel masculine and accepted and like “one of the guys” with your friends. Risk-taking and assertiveness are common male behaviours.

But again, why? It’s one thing to dare your mate to climb a tree and jump into your neighbours pool at 2am on a Friday night. It’s another to try and belittle, demean, ignore or fight your fellow man because you didn’t like his hat (and end up in the hospital with three broken ribs because of it.)

Is it really because we’re all emotionally stunted and feel like we cant express our true selves for fear of looking “weak” or “gay?” Is it because we only think we can be honest and chill when a woman is in the picture? Do we fear turning into the femboy catgirls being lusted over by big, sweaty bears?

So much of this feels self-inflicted, if I think about it. And so much of it feels increasingly outdated, destructive, violent and unnecessary as the world moves on.

A Ukrainian and a Russian man going at each other’s throats today may have been best counter-strike buddies just a few years ago. And now I hear you arguing that that’s to do with politics and ideology, but what is a war if not a glorified street fight with deadlier results?

Why do white men fear black men? Why do black men fear white men? Why do men fear other men at all?

Again, I’m not saying to give up looking out for yourself. I’m not saying to give that homeless guy $200 because “he really needs to send a present to his wife.” I’m just saying, surely there’s gotta be a better way right? I don’t know all the answers, but I know the problems when I see it.

What do y’all think?