I’ve been thinking about cold approach vs. warm approach, and I feel like the issue with cold approaching is that your looks do most of the heavy lifting. Since the girl doesn’t know anything about you yet, there isn’t much else for her to judge you on in that moment.

In places like the gym, work, school, a club, etc., you can show value in other ways. You can be known, competent, social, respected, good at something, or just have a strong presence. I feel like that increases attraction a lot more naturally.

Personally, I prefer that kind of “warm” approach because it feels like the odds are better. You can attract girls who might be above your looks level because they’ve seen other sides of you.

For example, at my gym I started talking to a girl by casually asking why she was doing a certain exercise. We chatted, then kept seeing each other there, talked more each time, and things slowly escalated until she eventually found me on Instagram. It never really felt like there was a hard rejection point because it happened naturally.

So my question is: does cold approaching help you get better at approaching girls you’re actually attracted to, especially the ones you see regularly?

I’m asking because I feel like as men we should use the environments where we have an edge. For example, I used to be a very strong chess player, and that made dating a lot easier for me because it gave me status in that world. Now I’m in really good shape, I’m social at my gym, and I’m pretty well known there, so I feel like I have an advantage in that environment too.

My issue is that I can easily talk to girls I’m not that attracted to, and they often end up liking me. But with the girls I’m actually into, even if there’s repeated eye contact, I hesitate and don’t make a move.

Looks-wise, I’m 21 and I take care of myself. I’ve had women approach me in public and ask if I’m single, and I do get looks fairly often. The problem is usually the girls who show obvious interest aren’t the ones I want, and when I do like someone, I struggle to be proactive.

That’s why I’m considering cold approach. Not necessarily because I think it’s the best way to meet women, but because I think it might help me get over that hesitation and become more comfortable making the first move with girls I actually want.

Curious to hear from guys who have done both: did cold approach make it easier to approach women in your regular environments too?