I’ve posted on here a few times, mostly when I was heavily spiraling. I am a little more stable now but I am having trouble breaking the toxic cycle I’m in.

We have been teetering on the brink of divorce for more than half a year. Every time I say I’m done I’ve had enough, she comes back wanting to make it work. I have been with this woman for 14 years, I still love her and don’t want to lose what we have so I let her talk me back.

Each time is the same, we are ok for a while then she suddenly flips and starts on her tirades against me. We fight, I say I’m done, take another step towards divorce and the cycle continues.

I have gotten as far as filing, I have not have her served yet, but after yesterday’s blowup I am once again finished.

I just can’t get up the nerve to send the email to have her served. The amount of stress I have been carrying is starting to take its toll on my health. I know I need to get out so I can start to move on but I’m scared of losing the usual,mostly losing time with my kids. Don’t care much about the money side of it, she can take it all for all I care. I know by my state laws, everything is split 50/50 including custody, but she will drag everything out and just make my life hell.

I just want to get this started so I can rebuild my life