Two days after she said she wants divorce:

I am barely holding it together emotionally, while I know this is the best path forward for everyone, I’m grieving what I’m going to lose. My first thoughts are to turn to drinking and going out to ”blow off steam” Even though I know that will be extremely detrimental to both my healing process and my upcoming divorce proceedings. The temptation is real, but I need to stay strong for my kids. They need to see me handle this maturely and calmly and not go off the deep end.

For now all I can do is bury my head in work and spending as much time with my family as I can to keep myself from spiraling. Wish me luck I guess