Is it unreasonable to want to be seen as physically attractive and get validation in that way?

xvszero · 2026-06-01T23:29:07+00:00

No it's not unreasonable. But for most men it doesn't come from strangers.

smileycat007 · 2026-06-02T13:59:29+00:00

I just had this conversation on another sub. Many consider it rude to compliment someone on their basic looks. It is safer to compliment them on their choices (e.g. clothing or new hair style, nail polish, weight loss). Those are things over which they have control.

Expecting validation on your looks in general might be something you desire, but don't expect to get it. That's not really how social interactions go. You might (or might not) get that inside a relationship more than you will from the general public.

Flourescendrama · 2026-06-02T20:07:02+00:00

Nunca pongas tu valor personal afuera, eres tú el que se debe dar valor y decidir cuánto vale, nadie más.

Instigated- · 2026-06-02T02:33:07+00:00

It seems to me an odd phenomenon that so many young men today want external validation about looks compared to previous eras.

When I was young, my female friends and I did not have much respect for men who spent too much time in the gym working out, checking themselves out in the mirrors. These men were focusing on the wrong things. Yes they had lots of muscles, but women care more about personality and how a man treats them and makes them feel. The men who spent hours in the gym working on their muscles tended to not make good boyfriends for a range of reasons.

The combination of social media, movies, and redpill influencers seem to have created a lot more anxiety in men to look a certain way, and to have low self esteem.

My personal opinion is that you are spending too much energy caring about appearances, and this is what causes you to feel this way. You already have friends and family telling you that you are “good looking”, but you expect others to also say it randomly? That doesn’t sound realistic to me.

If a woman who is not in a relationship with a guy thinks he good looking, she generally won’t say it to him - because they don’t have a relationship. She might say something privately to a friend (that guy is so hot), but the guy would likely be unaware. It is not like the movies where it all seems obvious.

I’ve been in a relationship over 20 years, and I can’t remember either one of us complimenting appearances except maybe a bit in our early relationship, I’m sure there have been a few times, however it is not a regular thing to say even in a long term committed relationship.

I think you would feel better if you were less fixated on external appearances and external validation. Work on your own self esteem, focus on being a good person that you respect and are proud of, become engaged/skilled in your interests and work, be a good friend and family member, etc.

And absolutely do not do looksmaxxing.

Afraid_Fondant_7903 · 2026-06-01T23:08:43+00:00

it is the most human thing of all , men caring about their looks when the world clearly does too is not unreasonable in anyway

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AssistTemporary8422 · 2026-06-04T22:45:48+00:00

Its not unreasonable to want validation and be seen as attractive because obviously there are a ton of benefits. The problem is when this desire is so great that you make yourself miserable when you can't get it. Like there is a difference between feeling that something is desirable and going about your day if you can't have it, and absolutely yearning for it when its not possible. Even guys with those looks eventually lose them as they age many in their 30s. Its not best to be overly attached to something you and most people can't have and will be lost by everyone anyway. Getting validation should be the cherry on top in life not the absolute essential to living. And even if you did get that validation you might wonder if they only like you for your looks and not who you are on the inside.

Title	Is it unreasonable to want to be seen as physically attractive and get validation in that way?
Author	Vereity123
Upvotes	0
Comments	30
Date	June 1, 2026 10:59 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1tu8ukv/is_it_unreasonable_to_want_to_be_seen_as/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/is-it-unreasonable-to-want-to-be-seen-as.1581857 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581857

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