Wife's new big salary job: will this be an issue? [I'm the wife.]

bittr_n_swt · 2016-03-23T17:03:42+00:00

he's fucking beta as you say, the dynamics won't change

Maldek007 · 2016-03-23T18:47:50+00:00

EssexMum my child. You did well to ask TRP for advice. But you are confused. Lets look at your situation.

You are 15 years married with 2 kids: Good Both parents working, both of you make good money: BAD Children AND husbands need your time as a mother and wife. The more you pursue your career the less time for them. Ugly, I know. You came here for the truth and thats what i give you, the truth and nothing else.

Here is the test - all you ever need to check if you are not so sure about the status of your marriage. Just one simple question.

How often did you have sex in the last 3 months?

a) 12 weeks x 2.5/week = 30 times or more Your marriage is ok and your man will be ok with your career. Make sure the sex stays good and he will be at loyal your side. Natural roles reversed but hey - can work! Sometimes. Your kids might still not like it.

b) 12 weeks x 1/week = 12 times total at least Your marriage has seen better times. Once a week is just enough to get by. Your man nor you will be truely happy. Your career option might be the straw that breaks it. If you want to save your marriage and the happiness of your children you may want to consider part-time work instead. You have been warned.

c) 12 weeks x 0.25/week (1/month) = 3 times or less In this zone I would advice you to take your new job! Yes you hear me lady! Your marriage is dead and the wise man says to stop riding a dead horse. Get the new job and chances are you will end up with a new man soon enough.

Rasalom72 · 2016-03-23T19:32:59+00:00

Just don't start (or continue) thinking that his money is "our" money, but your money is "your" money. You can keep it light, and not a big deal... like he can be your "kept" man, as long as he hold up his end of the deal... (sex regularly, keeps you satisfied, he's your "manly man")... just make sure he still feels like you desire him.... you're paycheck won't make a bit of difference to him if YOU don't change how you treat him.

Sir_Distic · 2016-03-24T00:17:59+00:00

What kind of woman are you for your husband? What kind of woman do you want to be for him?

What kind of man is he for you? You said "more beta than Alpha" but really what kind of man is he for you? I don't mean as a father to your kids. I mean to YOU? What kind of man do you want him to be? If you want him more muscular or fit could you buy gym memberships for both of you? Of course let him know how sexy he is the more he works out. Incentive.

War2kali · 2016-03-24T04:08:23+00:00

It's not emasculating unless he's insecure. Never remind him of it or use it in an argument. It's all joint money anyways, not your money or his money. If you think it will bother him and you want to bend over backwards to reassure him, ask him what you guys should do with it - does he think you guys should invest it and retire earlier? Does he think you guys should use it to go on a family vacation or a new car? Leave it up to him and agree with what he says if you want to be careful about it. That way he can't possibly get resentful.

oldredder · 2016-03-24T10:29:49+00:00

Depends how you act. If you start treating your husband like shit because he makes less, or start seeking other men because they make more, then that's a problem and that's how most women act.

The source of the dynamic change is entirely based on how you act, not him, because men never flip out over women making more or less money.

We don't care. We want reliable sex and loyalty.

7Fig · 2016-03-23T17:00:21+00:00

Let him continue to lead the family. The biggest mix ups come when a women becomes the top earner and then feels pressured to lead the family. Stay in your role and leave him in his. He may feel intimidated by it, however you can do a lot to manage the impact. Don't bring it up, even in the worst of fights. Continue to support him in his role; he may just surprise you and find that healthy competitive alpha side and match you. Next watch out for "the bitchy" side of you coming out. I have seen women get weird about paying more of the house costs when they start making more. Remember that you two are a team and that your victories should also be his. Making more will only be weird if you let it be. Enjoy the extra income and build a stronger future for your family. Lastly, congratulations!

SigmaPUA_111 · 2016-03-23T17:56:57+00:00

Yes, it'll be an issue. I guarantee you'll turn on your husband sooner or later. He'll start to change, you'll start to change. It'll become your household, not his. You'll be the leader and he'll be the follower. You're headed for misery, divorce, or both.

If you have kids, you're going to ruin them. Not worth it.

RPshade · 2016-03-23T16:57:13+00:00

what the fuck are you asking us for?

You dont mention anything other than you make more money than him.

"Anything I could/should be doing?" no. do you want us to give you instructions on how to be a good wife?

Title	Wife's new big salary job: will this be an issue? [I'm the wife.]
Author	EssexMum
Upvotes	0
Comments	32
Date	March 23, 2016 4:45 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4bnaqq/wifes_new_big_salary_job_will_this_be_an_issue_im/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/wifes-new-big-salary-job-will-this-be-an-issue-im.162403 https://theredarchive.com/post/162403

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