I fell into a mild depression and have been thinking about reaching out to my ex. The last time I saw him was on my birthday and he really pissed me off and the following weekend I told him how I felt. My birthday was on a Friday so I had to work for 4 hours later in the day until 7. He slept over Thursday and we spent the day together until I had to go to work then he stayed and waited for me to be done. He lives two hours away so he typically stays over Friday and Saturday. I made him a gorgeous breakfast on MY birthday and the special coffee that we like. Then we slept all day + woke up to have sex and then I went to work for four hours. I texted him around 6PM, an hour before I was done work to talk to him about our plans. I was hungry and was hoping that he was planning something while I was gone. He never texted me back so I leave work and come home to him still sleeping. We slept ALL DAY and then he slept the entire time I was at work. I had to wake him up several times until he finally woke up but never actually got up. I laid down because I honestly felt so defeated and heartbroken that he wasn't excitedly awaiting for me to come home so we could celebrate my birthday. Every 5 minutes he'd ask me what I wanted to eat for dinner and that he wanted to buy me dinner blah blah blah, but at that point I was frozen and didn't want to get out of bed and just fell asleep. He fell back asleep too which I'm not fucking surprised of.

He woke me up in the middle of the night because he was hungry and I was STARVING. He told me that he would go to Wawa for us. I was pissed and told him I just wanted my leftover chicken cheesesteak from downstairs. He got it for me and I ate some of it and then gave the rest to him. He ate it and he stayed up for another three hours and I went to bed.

I'm so fucking pissed off as I'm replaying this memory because what the fuck. He also didn't get me anything for my birthday but told me he'd pay for me to get a massage. I still haven't gotten one because I've been too busy with school to make an appointment and go.

Anyway, I told him that I was worried about him because of his sleeping habits, that I want him to get a therapist, etc etc. And I told him I can't be with someone who doesn't take care of themselves. He proceeded to gaslight me and minimize what happened, saying things like "What was I suppose to do while you were at work?" and, "You're making a big deal out of me sleeping in one time."

But this isn't a one time thing. His sleeping habits ARE AWFUL. I literally lose so much sleep when him and I are together. We will stay up all night and sleep until 3 during the day and then finally get up at 6pm, EVERY TIME. I used to think this was so cute because he would just want to cuddle me all day and and talk. We would just stay in bed and talk for literally hours and I did enjoy it. But after awhile I would've loved for us to get up early and get breakfast somewhere and then DO SOMETHING else besides lay in bed all day. I am a workaholic so I just figure I just wasn't used to something like this and thought it might be good for me to take a day off and do nothing.

So he got pissed off on the phone and hung on me. He called me later and one of the first things he said was "Why do you have to be so fucking difficult??" I said, "How am I being difficult?" And he said, "It's just you get this tone and you completely change."

He then apologized several times and we talked and he said, "I know you want me to get a therapist so I was looking up details of that and you're not wrong, I do minimize things and didn't realize how depressed I've been."

After that there was no more conversation about that. No follow up. He just acted like everything was back to normal. Nothing about actually getting a therapist, nothing. And that pissed me the fuck off.

I feel gaslit by him. I'm pissed he called me difficult for simply stating my needs and not being the sweet girl he's used to all the time. I told him he doesn't get to have me in one way all the time, and he said, "Yeah, me too."

Anyway, I really need some support. I am afraid I will go back to him and I know deep down I can't keep doing this with him. I'm struggling and need someone to put some sense into me. I have a therapy appointment today but truthfully I don't find this therapist to be able to help me with what I'm going through so I think today I'm going to search for some new therapists. She's great but not one to give me tough love and I really need that right now.

If you're curious about the other red flags he's shown, go to my post history. I'm talking about the same guy in every one of my posts.

The sex is good and that's what's also hard to leave. I've never met a man who has wanted to give me so much pleasure and do it humbly. He bought me vibrator and literally goes down on me for as long as it takes, and tells me all the time that he fantasizes about me sitting on his face. (Sorry for TMI, but he really enjoys eating me out. It actually makes him hard every time.) I'm afraid I won't get that again so I've been holding onto him.

Thank you for taking the time to read if you've made this far. I am so so grateful for FDS.

EDIT: Typos