Curious for Perspective on "Complaining" v. "Sharing"

cats_or_get_out · 2015-07-20T02:44:40+00:00

Scenario: 1) not a serious (loss of life or limb) accident 2) boyfriend on vacation

Haha I was in this situation. I dinged up one of our cars when my husband was in Iraq (circa 2003).

We didn't have frequent communication (no email, maybe one call every 6 weeks for a few minutes, old fashioned letters). I dealt with the insurance, got the car repaired, etc. I only told him about it after everything was fixed. Reason being? He didn't need any more stress. It was like, hey, just got the car fixed because I got into an accident. Everything's okay.

I have learned to get the sharing/support stuff I need from friends and family when he's gone. A lot of wives bring up stupid shit on the phone during deployments. My husband and I were bewildered about the amount of phone bickering that happens. His advice to the gents? "Don't hang up angry. Hold your tongue. She is surrounded by dick there, many of whom would be happy to console your wife."

I tried to make our phone conversations less business-y and more about us enjoying that moment. Maybe the two scenarios are too drastically different, but I think I would do the same in her scenario.

olympiaa · 2015-07-20T11:27:38+00:00

I would go with option #3. My husband travels frequently for work and if I had a minor accident or problem while he was away, I would wait to tell him until it was solved. He has enough stress from work and I wouldn't want to burden him with more problems he would feel like he had to fix from far away. However, if it was serious or I wasn't able to solve it immediately, then I would absolutely tell him.

This is just from my personal experience and obviously every relationship is different.

TempestTcup · 2015-07-20T13:01:56+00:00

There isn't anything in your description of your friend that isn't RPW approved. He was on vacation and she wasn't hurt; there's plenty of time to tell him when he gets back. I don't understand why you think that, by not spoiling his vacation, she is not being vulnerable. That's a pretty big stretch of imagination on your part.

but as her friend, it makes me a little sad that she doesn't share stuff like this with him

Why is her relationship any of your business? Get your nose out of her relationship; perhaps you should pay more attention to your own.

aZombieKitten · 2015-07-20T13:27:15+00:00

I would like to remind you that this is your friend's relationship, not yours. They don't seem to have had any problems with her not complaining/sharing bad things with him. Why are you trying to change how she's reacting to and handling the situation (because it sounds like you think she's wrong for not reacting the same way you would to the situation)?

There's not a problem with waiting to share it with him after he gets back from his vacation, and if there is, that's her issue to find out, not you trying to push it on her (because it sounds like you probably will try to show her these comments, since I doubt you're doing this out of your own personal curiosity anyway).

Focus on you and your own relationships, not someone else's. It's not your business.

(Edit: grammar)

sugarcrush · 2015-07-20T02:07:13+00:00

I can't imagine not telling my serious boyfriend I was in an accident. Even if it's minor. In fact, I was in a minor accident when my husband and I were dating, as I was on the way over to visit him. I told him when I got there and cried on his shoulder for a minute since it was my first accident and I was all freaked out.

I would personally find it concerning that she never shares anything negative or cries in front of her boyfriend. I think it's good to be open and vulnerable- see one of the many excellent posts on vulnerability here! Yeah complaining and being overly negative is bad, but hiding the harder stuff in life also kinda seems like lying to me. Feels overly Stepford Wife-y, in the bad, "she's secretly a robot" way.

AGirlsJourney · 2015-07-20T18:11:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

RealRational · 2015-07-20T04:03:42+00:00

If this is a serious relationship, where you both have mutual goals and are sharing and building a life together, I would expect to be told about this.

If the relationship is at any level under this, very high level, then I wouldn't need to know and would rather just hear about it after the fact. "Oh, so a couple weeks ago I had this minor fender bender and insurance ... blah blah blah".

If you don't bring it up at all and someone else tells me you were in an accident you're going immediately back to plate status. I should never hear about anything meaningful to you from anyone but you.

jasonclews · 2015-07-20T12:06:42+00:00

I would be concerned if my girl felt she couldn't tell me when shes been in danger. I believe its built in to guys to be protective of their partner and we can feel frustrated & depressed if we can't help so I can understand why she didn't tell him. For me option 2 on your list - I want to know & I want her to be honest if she needs me i'm there, if shes ok then don't test and let me think the worst - games are a quick way to lose a guy.

Title	Curious for Perspective on "Complaining" v. "Sharing"
Author	AGirlsJourney
Upvotes	9
Comments	33
Date	July 20, 2015 1:33 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3dw8x2/curious_for_perspective_on_complaining_v_sharing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/curious-for-perspective-on-complaining-v-sharing.166374 https://theredarchive.com/post/166374

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