So on my previous post I basically discuss how I want to settle down in my 20’s even if it seems so “taboo”.

I (19F) want to enjoy dating and the dating process but for some reason I feel like I want to rush things. I want to rush getting into a serious relationship, getting engaged, and getting married. I started to have a panic attack because after my social media hiatus I chose to go on I went back onto Instagram and were seeing couples my age getting engaged. And some of these couples haven’t even dated for a year for as far as I know. Like I haven’t even gotten a boyfriend but I already think about marriage and having a beautiful ring on my finger.

I also just found out my tinder fling who I got rejected by also just got engaged to his gf of 9 months (a mutual friend posted pictures of them congratulating them on their engagement). I’ve had a rough time dealing with this rejected because I thought he was the “perfect guy”. He also does so many “relationship goals” things for his gf such on his social media from really cute icon pics with each other, to a bio with only her name, fb status, and unfollowing every other girl. All their friends adore their relationship and think they are “perfect” for each other. I did something VERY unfeminine and reached out to him/getting very obsessive which lead to her friend publicly attacking me telling me how “loving and committed” their relationship is. It’s no surprise they are engaged, it was obvious she was the one and I was the very short fling before it.

The urge to check their social media is gone now (along with the fact that they blocked me off everything for obvious reasons). But I feel so weird for stressing about this. I feel like my timeline is off and I should be doing at these things at so and so age. I’m still hanging out with my friends, watching movies, and focusing on my studies and retail job. I don’t even feel 19. I feel like a 30 year old desperate single.

My biggest worry is that if I do get into a relationship, I’ll stress if they haven’t proposed in so and so time. I look up to my “ex” and his gf’s relationship because they both have such an amazing relationship and life and I feel like if I don’t have a relationship like theirs then in my head, it will be a bad one.