who am i proving myself to? and when can i stop?

AnarchoNAP · 2020-09-01T17:26:28+00:00

I will say to not cut your hours until you are married. You are single until you aren't single.

It is normal to be repulsed by submitting if you've never seen anything worth submitting to. Until I straight moved across the country (which, I'm not saying that there weren't good places in between where I left and where I went, but where I left wasn't one of them) I was always disturbed by the idea of having to rely on someone else (man or woman to be fair). I had never seen it go well. So my attitude basically was "ok, clearly I can't have this; I'll have a career instead." So I went and got a graduate degree and started working. I met my husband six months after moving. I now have a one year old. This is better FOR ME. It is also more efficient because it makes more sense to have one person do x and one person do y than to have two people do half of x and half of y.

pixxi- · 2020-09-01T17:31:37+00:00

[deleted]

rukmini23 · 2020-09-01T16:18:24+00:00

I can relate..I m still a student nd always taught to be financially independent strong woman.I m not a feminist, I m not a career woman either.My parents r traditional nd my mom is a housewife,my father is resentful bcz my mother doesn't not contribute anything to our family..My parents want me to have a career but I don't know what to do..I live in India where 50/50 relationship is very common now a days, if a woman doesn't have a career people call her 'gold digger','lazy','just a housewife'..

sunny2weather · 2020-09-01T16:56:24+00:00

It sounds like you're doing what you like. You want to be successful and independent, and you're doing a great job at it. I think bending to a more traditional female role will come naturally and with time. Don't try to be someone you're not. It's great to be successful and independent, but it's also great to be a stay at home mom with a good partner. Neither is wrong.

squeekzzz · 2020-09-01T19:44:22+00:00

I’m in the exact same position! (But I’m married & a couple of years older)

My husband and I are high school sweethearts, we’ve been together for 15 years total, married for almost 5. For most of our relationship I have been completely financially independent. And the primary bread winner. I was a hair stylist for 10 years, took night classes for 5 of those years, and now I’m a BCBA and I work with children with disabilities. I love my career. I love my financial freedom. I’m proud of myself. I was raised by two very strong willed, career minded women (my mom and my grandmother- who were also excellent mothers and homemakers- I don’t know how they did it all!) They taught me that education and independence were my most important responsibility above all else.

But, I value a traditional relationship. I also desire to submit to my husband and live a more traditional lifestyle. I want to be a stay at home wife and mother, but it’s hard to give up a career that I love and worked so hard for. Should also mention that we’re trying for a baby! (Yay!!)

I’ve recently decided that I need to trust my husband (he’s currently making a better salary than I am for the first time in our relationship!) and we are going to try me being a SAHM for a few years after we get pregnant and see how it goes. I figure I always have not only my cosmetology license, but my degree to fall back on if I ever need to rejoin the work force. Everything will work out how it’s supposed to!

Congrats on finding what sounds like a wonderful man!

anothergoodbook · 2020-09-01T17:34:54+00:00

I think it is wise to not depend on a man who is not yet your husband. If, when you get married, you’d like to cut back your hours that would be fine.

If you look beyond what modern society sees as useful (being a wage earner) and see that you would be equally contributing if you made the meals, did the grocery shopping, managed the budget, did the laundry, cleaning, and eventually child rearing - you would be equally contributing to the marriage and family.

Who are you worried about labeling you as a gold digger? Is that your insecurity or is there someone in your life that is actively saying these things to you?

Evening_Coffee_2607 · 2020-09-01T21:37:58+00:00

Have to have conversations about what it means to be equally contributing. How does doing housework and taking care of husband and kids equal to the income that husband brings in?

We have to start looking at housework as being equivalent to income from external work.

L6Fd77i6E · 2020-09-02T04:43:01+00:00

This is difficult because some man need to feel like their contributing more to the relationship than just money, they want to be the protector and balancing that out can be difficult because that’s a moral value which is in our biology. The most important thing is to keep the conversation going and try different ways where you feel secure enough not about money but that no matter what happens you two will figure things out.

fairydust91 · 2020-09-02T12:57:53+00:00

I feel you there. I was also fiercely independent before meeting my Captain. For the first time ever I'm happy to submit to my man. I think first and foremost, stop thinking in terms of labels and boxes. As long as the two of you are on the same page and happy with your choices,you can do whatever you want to do. You're obviously fairly established professionally so if you submit and fall into a more traditional role and the relationship fails then you can always re enter the workforce. Granted it won't be easy to reintegrate but it's possible.

Also I think you're trying to prove something to yourself. To prove you CAN be independent and support yourself. You know this now. You're there. So what do you actually WANT to do?!

My parents had a similar dynamic - is it possible your mum really WASNT doing enough? When I stopped thinking from a feminist perspective I realised she really wasn't. Parenting and being a SAHM is more than ensuring kids are fed and clothes are washed. She even did that half assed. I love my mum to bits, but it's true. Realise that you and your partner are NOT your parents. Try to think more from a "what do I WANT" rather than "what I DON'T want."

LateralThinker13 · 2020-09-02T14:44:55+00:00

who am i proving myself to? and when can i stop?

Men already know the answer to this. Don't believe me? Go over to ask TRP and ask this. Or do a google search on the concept of Duty. Here's what they'll tell you:

Never. You are proving yourself to YOU, first and foremost. And you have to re-prove yourself Every. Single. Day. Because you can't quit, can't coast, can't slack off, or you start to die. Like a fish that can't stop swimming. You power forward, or you start to decay - something weightlifters (predominantly male) know all too well.

Death is light as a feather. Duty is heavy as a mountain.

now that i’ve found the partner of my dreams, i’m getting these urges to surrender to him

The problem is that you don't value homemaking. You don't see being a full time housewife and mother as being as hard or as valuable as a career/job. You have a fixed value on both.

So ask your fiance. What does HE think of the two? Will HE respect you if you become a SAHM? Will you?

And if money/effort is the bar, then practice a side job/gig when not maintaining things at home. If there isn't a mansion or kids, maintaining a house ISN'T a full time job. So work away. But get HIS thoughts on the subject - and truly listen and take them to heart, because he is going to be your life partner.

if i take step back and let him take the lead am i less of a woman, or less of a “feminist”?

Let go of that association. Feminist =/= woman. That's one of the biggest lies feminism teaches. Do what makes you and your fiance happy; all else is secondary. Furthermore, most feminists are not very feminine. They're insecure, power-mad marxists with male power envy and supremicist aims. Don't be like that. Be an egalitarian.

Title	who am i proving myself to? and when can i stop?
Author	pixxi-
Upvotes	44
Comments	16
Date	September 1, 2020 3:50 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ikmrmv/who_am_i_proving_myself_to_and_when_can_i_stop/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/who-am-i-proving-myself-to-and-when-can-i-stop.172717 https://theredarchive.com/post/172717

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