How to deal with girls that say "sex was too rough" the next day? And what do they really mean?

wont_tell_i_refuse · 2016-11-16T04:37:36+00:00

It's not a comfort test. You are literally hurting them too much.

Hone your ability to inflict pain. Make it exquisite. Scalpel, not hammer.

TL:DR; You probably bite too hard.

SexySmexxy · 2016-11-16T04:11:38+00:00

How to deal with girls that say "sex was too rough" the next day? And what do they really mean?

They mean the sex was too rough.

stickfiguresk · 2016-11-16T03:04:03+00:00

It's probably a combination of these three:

They have cognitive dissonance regarding being turned on by feeling like a submissive slut but seeing themselves as progressive feminists

More like, it was just too early for her to be thuroughly demeaned so quickly.

They see rough sex as a marker of a man who isn't looking for "romance"/commitment

It's harder to hamster away being a cum dumpster when you get fucked like a $5 hooker that owes you change.

It triggers past memories of uncomfortable sexual situations when they were younger

I had a girl flip the fuck out because I grabbed her by the mouth once. Breaking into a girl's psyche and crawling around a bit while you're fucking her is intense. I AM into that BDSM shit, and if she's not a well adjusted, secure woman, she's not going to be comfortable with shit getting too intense. The most submissive girls are secure and generally happy.

[deleted] · 2016-11-16T05:44:42+00:00

Don't know why.

I avoid this by escalating during sex and reading them to find their line of comfort and nudge at it, so long as I'm comfortable.

War2kali · 2016-11-16T07:56:16+00:00

It means you need to find a criminal defense attorney and go over your initial responses and plan of action when you are arrested. No, not kidding.

SetConsumes · 2016-11-16T19:02:43+00:00

Her saying she wasn't comfortable to me is rather literal. She didn't trust you enough and wasn't comfortable enough with you to be fucked so roughly and so degradingly.

Try building more comfort and trust with these girls, try adding in more of the opposite of rough sex during sex, some interludes of romantic and gentle sex. Perhaps too they would feel better from more cuddling after a rough session, let her build feelings of safety and comfort in your arms once more.

Some people are saying it's the pain, I don't think that's the case as they're not expressing being hurt or in pain, and they said they liked it.

redhazardlights · 2016-11-16T21:26:45+00:00

You're almost certainly crossing the line from making them play-afraid to really afraid. They dealt with it in the moment because that's how women roll, but after they leave they dislike that ambiguity and become uncertain if they want to allow it again. They apparently want to want keep having sex with you (hence the text instead of never hearing from them again), which is a pretty good sign though.

Most women want to feel like you could hurt them without ever thinking you really will. There's the exquisite sexual tension for them. It doesn't need to ever be more than that.

2cingle · 2016-11-16T04:06:20+00:00

"wasn't comfortable with how rough sex was, even though I really enjoyed it"

For better or worse, I try not to spend time trying to decode womanese, I only speak masculine english. If that's really what they said, albeit paraphrased, I'd say they want to do it again, but not exactly that again. Like, can you leave the steamroller at home, next time? I'd need to know more about what you did and what they did, but then, that'd be too much information.

TheRedStoic · 2016-11-16T20:54:47+00:00

This isn't a comfort test. You did too much damage physically.

Keep it in control. I love dominating a good woman but she's worthless if she can't fuck again within a day or two.

A side note, if you actually are statistically very well endowed, use lube. Too much is almost enough.

TLDR, you actually are being too rough, or not prepping enough.

[deleted] · 2016-11-16T13:45:39+00:00

I had "my nipples are still hurting" a few weeks ago. She just wanted me to be a bit more sensitive with them and now she loves me twisting and teasing her nips.

For me at least, it is usually a slow build with regards to dominating. Go into it too fast and it is common to be rejected. I start slowly, the first few times just being generally good in bed and making sure I dont do anything stupid (cumming without a condom, actually hurting her, cumming in her eye, sticking a finger up her ass without asking). Then I'll know what she likes, and use it to tease her a bit (eg- twisting those nips whilst fingering, but edging her over an extended period). Then increase the physical domination, giving orders and holding her down and shit. After a good while of this, she is already submissive so receptive to more ideas.

It can be a tricky choice as to whether you want to make it all explicit though, sometimes it isnt a good idea. But if you start talking dirty, this is about the right time to signal you want to go more towards BDSM.

It might be much too slow for some, but this is generally what works for moi. Another Im seeing though, said after the first night she liked how dominant I was (and I wasnt trying at all) so that was straight into it.

IkilledJarJar · 2016-11-16T05:31:03+00:00

Yes, there is such a thing as being too big.

Title	How to deal with girls that say "sex was too rough" the next day? And what do they really mean?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	10
Comments	14
Date	November 16, 2016 2:41 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5d6tq0/how_to_deal_with_girls_that_say_sex_was_too_rough/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-deal-with-girls-that-say-sex-was-too-rough.183186 https://theredarchive.com/post/183186

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