LTR is playing up. What do?

mksu · 2016-04-22T14:02:58+00:00

I would drop any girl who brought up the word rape in the context of our relationship.

Late30sMasculist · 2016-04-22T14:34:59+00:00

I'm thinking of sitting her down and spelling out the situation for her, that for this relationship to exist, sex must be on demand, but I'm also thinking that might be too direct.

Yes this is too direct. Scratch this off the list of options immediately.

Stop doing whatever beta behavior that you think lead you here. Introduce dread, figure out your own motivations like /u/longerdistance suggested. Consider a soft next / avoiding her for a while. If she asks why, then hint in vague terms at the problem you have with her. Something like, "The last time we were together you seemed like you needed some space, so I'm giving it to you. Besides, I have exams this week and also wanted to spend some time hanging out with the guys. I'll call you on Wednesday."

For god's sake, though, don't "Sit her down and spell out the situation for her" unless you like drama and arguments.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2016-04-22T14:31:05+00:00

What would you do?

You mean after she says, "my answer is no. Denying my answer would be rape"?

There are a couple of ways to go there.

A. "Not if I seduce you." You might still get shot down, but I don't like this "RAPE!" business in an LTR. Is it ok for her not to want to have sex with you on a given night? Sure. But being cunty about it is just rude.

B. "Ehhhh. I'm sorry you said that", and walked her out the door. The state has been weaponized against men. She's using that language. This doesn't end well.

Nucka574 · 2016-04-22T15:22:57+00:00

cancel plans on Saturday, ghost, let the hamster do its work

InformalCriticism · 2016-04-22T15:27:44+00:00

It's a red flag, man. You have to know this. You let yourself slip, so you should be threatened with a felony? She has no class and no business in your life.

Women like to be pleasant on the front end, but she got a chance to show her true colors and showed them. And they're red.

abdada · 2016-04-22T13:15:16+00:00

Back up and google 12 levels of dread and start instituting them progressively over time.

Don't do it all at once, bring it in over time. You can't fix this shit overnight.

longerdistance · 2016-04-22T14:09:39+00:00

The most important thing is that you clarify for yourself why you are hesitating about dropping her.

My first instinct in reading this was "fuck that, I'd drop her in a heartbeat". Nothing is worth it to put up with that shit for me. But you should not take that as advice. What you have to do is get to a point where you have the mental independence to be able to make that choice though. When you do, the appropriate behavior follows naturally.

frequentlywrong · 2016-04-22T14:55:50+00:00

I'm thinking of sitting her down and spelling out the situation for her

You have a long way to go in your RP path if you're even considering doing something as stupid as this. Read more.

fnordsnord · 2016-04-22T18:10:39+00:00

You've been threatened with a rape charge. You have no alternative but to ghost her. Seriously. Drop out of her life without confronting her.

nastynickdr · 2016-04-22T14:55:08+00:00

Wow, you are one step away from a false rape accusation. Even if it doesnt end now, when it ends, theres a good chance she will say you tried to rape her, beat her up, or something like that. I wouldnt even try to fix that. Next it is.

quicklogaccount · 2016-04-22T17:09:17+00:00

There are a few ways to work this through.

If you plan to try to keep her, cut down the beta and bring up the dread immediately, don't meet on Saturday, tell her you need to study and you shouldn't lose focus or some decent excuse. Later, express your disapproval about her behavior.

If you will break up with her, which is recommended if you're in one of those places where rape accusations carry heavy consequences, you might as well allow her to be aware that you're doing it because RAPE isn't something to be toyed with nor said in the heat of a discussion, she can think better before saying it with her next boyfriend.

MattyAnon · 2016-04-22T18:52:52+00:00

Acting like she felt insulted that my attitude was basically "We're going to have sex" without asking for her permission.

= Not attracted, at least at that moment.

Do you guys think tightening up my game again will be enough to turn her around?

Also make her jealous, flirt with other girls... perhaps fuck a few. You can't control another person, but you can control your options.

I'm thinking of sitting her down and spelling out the situation for he

Absolutely fucking terrible idea. She'll feel threatened, you'll look entitled, she'll hate you for reducing her options, and you'll look demanding and unattractive. Talking about shit like this in the way you outlines is blue pill as all hell.

What you do is NOT talk about it. Tell her that you totally understand, and that your relationship shouldn't be about sex. In fact you are going to STOP having sex with her.

Say it like that... "I am going to stop having sex with you". Imply it might be with other people.

And work on getting more options... this girl feels she's "got you", she needs to learn she hasn't.

This is what commitment does to women - reduce your commitment to her.

Dr_Shakalu22 · 2016-04-23T05:38:55+00:00

You need to get out.

SoRedSuchAlpha · 2016-04-23T09:39:13+00:00

She was all "my answer is no. Denying my answer would be rape"

Your story is super light on detail. What did you say that initially pissed her off, when/how did she say "no," and what were yo doing when she said "rape"?

Title	LTR is playing up. What do?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	25
Date	April 22, 2016 1:06 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4fycpg/ltr_is_playing_up_what_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltr-is-playing-up-what-do.185966 https://theredarchive.com/post/185966

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