"What are you thinking about?"

"Are you feeling okay?"

These questions are not necessarily a shit test or a comfort test. But they are a test.

Any variation of her questions regarding your thoughts and feelings are based completely on self-interest. She doesn't want to know what you are thinking. She doesn't want to know how you are feeling. She wants to know if you are thinking of her. She wants to know how you feel about her. The moment you open your mouth and say "I'm thinking about changing the oil in the car" she tunes you out. She's only truly interested in your response if it has something to do with her.

Where does that leave you? How do you respond?

  1. Learn how to translate these types of questions.
  • "What are you thinking about?" = "Are you thinking about me?"
  • "Are you okay?" = "Are you okay with me?"
  • "Are you angry?" = "Are you angry with me?"

  1. If your thoughts are unrelated to her, STFU. She's not interested. Say something like "Come here and give me a kiss" or "Lets go do something".

  2. If your thoughts are related to her, STFU. You might be angry, confused, or sad. Maybe you have been thinking about her positively or negatively all day or all year. Say something like "Come here and give me a kiss" or "Lets go do something".

The important thing is to understand what's happening and recognize it when it happens. You gain mastery over your own frame when you are in this position. You STFU because Acta, Non Verba. There may be a time to talk about your thoughts and your feelings. But usually not in the heat of the moment and not without forethought. You can't win in a verbal debate about feelings with a woman and there is no purpose to start one. Your feelings are your responsibility. No one else can carry the responsibility. It just doesn't work that way.

What about positive thoughts regarding her? If your response is "I'm thinking how nice it would be take a trip to the beach with you" then you should just STFU. If that's what you are thinking then Acta, Non Verba. Make the plans (maybe don't financially book) and then let her know, "I want to go the beach with you. I made arrangements at this hotel for this time. It's going to be fun!"