My wife is looking at apartments behind my back. I need an action plan quick.

bogeyd6 · 2015-09-15T00:15:30+00:00

People look at a lot of shit on the internet, I'd be careful before going full barrage on a history search.

Not sure how far 'in' you are to all of this, but stopping mid foreplay because she hard no'ed oral...but not sex just seems like dickish overkill.

Then you make her wait in the car, but then beta appease with humor lightening once you get in? That feel like anything but crazy? And then take her out to eat?

What am I missing here?

abdada · 2015-09-14T22:31:49+00:00

Why would you pay her rent?

Talk to a divorce attorney but her bailing is usually a good thing when it comes to financial support and home ownership.

She's checked out and you're still wanting to try to save her. I hope you split your financials already. If not, do so immediately.

I can't imagine talking to her is going to help you.

[deleted] · 2015-09-15T01:28:50+00:00

Either your writing is hard to understand, or everything there is in her frame.

But I kind of agree, she sounds checked out somewhat.

In the future, you shouldn't be doing whatever whim comes to mind. Don't leave when she wants to leave, give her the keys. Don't stay when she wants to stay, if you decided to go home, then go home.

Question. Had your newfound frame come with an increased Smv? Because if not, you may be nuking this.

Is hard to tell, everything in your post was about her.

bogeyd6 · 2015-09-15T00:15:00+00:00

Let her go. Pretend not to care. It's a bold strategy, see how it plays out. She is probably playing a fantasy in her head.

alphabeta49 · 2015-09-14T23:08:08+00:00

I rolled over and said, "Ok, another time."

I'm in full "stern" mode

I remained detached for the whole exchange, trying to lighten with humor and tease her

You took yourself too seriously. You say you tried to tease her, but it was too little, too late. You were butthurt because she shut down oral. No wonder things didn't go like you would have wanted.

(This is the problem with posting things on the internet. We can't tell your tone, didn't see your facial expression, and don't know your personality. These things would tell us if your wife is a shrill harpy or if you fucked up.)

All this being said, I don't know if your wife is serious with this apartment thing... but why should that matter to you? If she is going to let a little power struggle during sex push her to move out, then so be it. That's not the type of woman you want to be married to anyway.

Keep improving, STFU more, and for god's sake, don't pay ANY extra expenses that come with her moving out. Does she make money?

FearDearg2015 · 2015-09-15T11:25:24+00:00

I remained detached for the whole exchange, trying to lighten with humor and tease her but she was fully hurt.

Your frame is wrong here. You are not trying to lighten the mood, or tease her because of her mood. What you are demonstrating is that to u can weather her storm. She's upset with you for what you did. That's fine, because you did what you wanted to do. Trying to appease her mood is essentially the same as apologising. And you have nothing to apologise for. You remain upbeat and lighthearted, because you are living for you. Your happiness is internal to you, and not provided by her. She's an adult, and if she wants to be miserable, that's up to her. It's not up to you to stop that. But it is up to you to demonstrate that her misery has not caused you to change your behaviour. Flip flopping between your frame and her frame makes you look totally schizophrenic. Maintain your own frame, be the oak.

So we went and had a shitty time for the next 48 hours, with zero communication.

Why did you have a shitty time? I mean, why did YOU have a shitty time? The answer is because you spent 48 hours in her frame. The answer is because you let yourself have a shitty time. She didn't cause you to have a shitty time. You did that all by yourself by not focusing on making that 48 hours fun for you.

I don't want to deal with rent and a mortgage

Then don't. You can't control her behaviour, you can only control your own. Your child is threatening to run away from home, maybe. Maybe it's just the hamster running in its wheel. Let her look. You can't stop her looking. Plan your next moves accordingly.

[deleted] · 2015-09-15T12:09:58+00:00

Question for you. Little late, I know.

What would be your response to all this? I know you're asking everyone for their thoughts, but never really mentionned what you wanted to do. Might be helpful to post your plan

[deleted] · 2015-09-15T13:14:39+00:00

First, go back and format that wall of text.

Second, just don't give a fuck. Tell her to go ahead. But shes paying for her own place, and the kids are staying with you. Don't give her any support, and go radio silent.

If you can't handle taking care of your own kids without her, then you kinda deserved her leaving in the first place.

Kidterrific · 2015-09-15T05:48:58+00:00

It's a bluff. The "I will be embarrassed if we go back to your parents early" gave it away. She still respects your parents, and wants to look good in front of them, she has not checked out of the relationship yet. If she's serious about getting the fuck out, she wouldn't give a shit about what your parents think.

chief_slap_ahoe · 2015-09-15T09:27:11+00:00

Ask her how the apartment shopping is going? Tell her to remember her budget when looking cause if she moves out you'll not help. Separate your money now.

fasterpussycatdie · 2015-09-15T10:08:10+00:00

You need to get a handle on your emotions. She's the one who does the emotions, throws the tantrums and gets pissy not you. How old are you if you don't mind my asking.

spexer · 2015-09-15T17:46:25+00:00

I have seen a few posts here lately of men upset that their wives wont let them go down on them. Why?

Is it that it could be a covert contract and she would then go down on you?

If you are trying to make sure she gets off - then dont. just go caveman and enjoy yourself. If she is not being satisfied, she will speak up.

Title	My wife is looking at apartments behind my back. I need an action plan quick.
Author	VictorERink
Upvotes	1
Comments	27
Date	September 14, 2015 10:29 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3kyvqf/my_wife_is_looking_at_apartments_behind_my_back_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/my-wife-is-looking-at-apartments-behind-my-back-i.201042 https://theredarchive.com/post/201042

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