I had an epiphany this morning while doing some running on the treadmill after throwing some weights around. The last couple of days since my wife made the comment about me objectifying her, she has become closed off and restrictive to grandma kisses. It was really clear last night when we went to bed, closed mouth kiss and right back to her book. Things have been getting better up until then. I think I have been doing well with the TRP strategy. I think I finally have some clarity into what is up.

My wife, comes from a family where she was the least important person. Her older sister has always been the super star and gotten all of the attention from her parents. The wife's parents divorced when she was about 10. Fast forward to present day. I always thought that my wife had a good relationship with her sister, but that apparently is not the case.

My wife's mother just up and decided to move 4,000 miles away as her oldest daughter's kid is 16 and she said that they no longer need her help. My wife and I have two young kids and could definitely use some help from her. I know that this has seriously hurt my wife. She has some abandonment issues etc. She really doesn't love herself. I think she came to the realization that I was changing and her emotional support tampon, me, was not going to be able to make her happy anymore.

The thing is, I know now I can't fix this. I have been giving my life to prop her up emotionally. Not a healthy place to be. I can see all of the red flags when we first got together clearly and why I always had this nagging feeling something was missing.

I have enabled this all of these years and I will not go back to that hell. It is a one way ticket to the looney bin. My plan is to focus on me, put energy into the positives of my children, job, and hobbies. It would seem to me that it might be prudent to cutoff affection and interactions with the wife other than the family things. I am guessing, if you are married to toxic, there aren't a lot of options.