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Do you apologize

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December 28, 2018
6 upvotes

Working through the sidebar with NMMNG and MMSLP, but am in a situation where I need an answer on how to move forward with something and am not sure how to proceed?

I messed up and got caught in a lie with my wife over something stupid. I spent money on something for myself and she found the receipt. To make matters worse being the typical nice guy I tried to lie about it.

It basically ruined Christmas, we have not really spoken to each other since Sunday. I don't want to give in and hand her all the power back, honestly I make good money and we are not struggling financially I should be able to spend my money on myself If I want, but the cover-up and lying made the situation worse.

Do I apologize for the lying or just continue to wait her out? I know I was wrong but don't feel sorry. I know thy lying was wrong and not helpful to the situation but I want to avoid losing more face or doing anything further to make her feel in control.

I am sure I will get destroyed posting this but any advice however harsh will be appreciated.


Post Information
Title Do you apologize
Author Madpuffin
Upvotes 6
Comments 55
Date 28 December 2018 04:19 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203714
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/aabo28/do_you_apologize/
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Comments

[–]SeamusAwl[🍰] 22 points23 points  (8 children) | Copy

Do I apologize for the lying or just continue to wait her out? I know I was wrong but don't feel sorry. I know thy lying was wrong and not helpful to the situation but I want to avoid losing more face or doing anything further to make her feel in control.

Here is how you apologize...

"We need to talk. I was wrong to lie about buying XXX. As a result I ruined our Christmas and that is not something I wanted to do."

This signifies that you are a man, you understand you fucked up, and are owning up to it. And it is significantly better in her eyes than...

"I am sorry I am a liar and bought xxx. Can you please forgive me?"

[–]Terminal-Psychosis8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

He in no way ruined Christmas. She did that.

I'd not apologize. At most, say something like "Next time I won't hide it from you." - like how to move forward, not supplicating about the past.

[–]SeamusAwl[🍰] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

He in no way ruined Christmas.

He said he did and I agreed with him. Regardless of her reaction, his Nice Guy white lie led to a different outcome then what he planned on having for Christmas..

I'd not apologize.

Did you see an actual apology in my recommendation? You shouldn't, just an acknowledgement that he fucked up. He doesn't have to tell her that he will do better next time. He should learn this lesson and just do better next time.

[–]Madpuffin2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

thanks i think this is the approach to take. I can follow up afterwards in case anyone is interested. I am sure most don’t give a shit but this ass beating has been helpful.

[–]Madpuffin2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

thats what I will do. Thanks. I am sure she will want to pile on after that but I will sftfu and tell her I am done talking about it.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I will sftfu and tell that will show her I am done talking about it.

FTFY

[–]BostonBrakeJob9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Understand this, she's not mad you lied. She's mad she married a big ol bitch that can't buy himself a box of stogies without feeling like he did something wrong. That's too scared to make some waves by owning it.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I will sftfu and tell her I am done talking about it.

Which one are you going to do?

A) STFU

Or

B) Tell her you are done talking about it

Acta Non Verba... actions, not words

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Of course she will. You need the Red Pill.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do I apologize?

Only if I get it in her hair.

[–]hack3geRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don’t make her say thank you?

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine9 points10 points  (19 children) | Copy

“I should will be able to spend my money on myself If I want..”

“but the cover-up and lying made the situation worse.”

Stop being a bitch.

What’s the root problem here? Don’t want to make mommy mad? Being a nice guy tm all the time? Mommy has you on an allowance?

Are you fucking her?

This should be your wake up call faggot. Do you want to continue living as a bitch your entire life?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red10 points11 points  (8 children) | Copy

Dude, it was a fleshlight. We all know this....

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ha i think you’re right.. I totally missed that. Fleshlights can ruin Christmas.

[–]Madpuffin0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Cigars, lol

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Wow, even more gay than a fleshlight.

[–]SeamusAwl[🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wow, even more gay than a fleshlight.

Depends if his wife is Monica? Then he can enjoy them even more.

[–]wkndatbernardus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My name is Bubba and I approve this message.

[–]Madpuffin0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

ouch, lol.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I dont even know where to fucking start with you.

First, control the finances.

Second, I have socially smoked my fair shit of stuff in my days. Guess what? I got into fitness and realized that 1) tobacco stinks 2) so does weed 3) weed makes you dumb 4) tobacco stinks 5) its addictive in bad ways

If that is your vice, fine. But I wouldn't want to be in a LTR or married to a person who is a full time smoker. I suppose a case could be made of firing up a cigar when you are at the casino or Vegas or something, but otherwise it is kinda gay.

Wanna know who smokes cigars regularly? Overweight neckbeards who also love bourbon as well. I have tons of friends on FB who post up about who has the longest "ash" and what kind of bourbon they are drinking while they proceed to kill themselves and make themselves smell like a trash dumpster.

Sounds to me that you know that smoking is gay, and rather than owning your disgusting habit you lie about it like a little bitch.

Why? I am sure your wife can smell the stench of tobacco on you after you smoke.

Stop being a bitch. If you want to smoke fine. If you want to spend money on yourself fine.

But stop being a fag.

Fag.

[–]Madpuffin3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy

the root problem is my nice guy behavior and giving a fuck about pleasing her. I should have said yeah I bought a box cigars, if you are worried about money than just work full time.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

Sad.. just sad. Cigars ruined Christmas?

Don’t apologize for being a man.

Does she fuck ?

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

Haven't seen a cigar this destructive since the Clinton administration.

[–]Monsieur-Incroyable1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Take my upvote.

[–]Madpuffin1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

you guys are killing me.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Youre being a pussy. Man the fuck up. Read the ===>

[–]Madpuffin0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

she does fuck

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Trust me. I know. 😈🍆💦🤤

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

hahahaha +1

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

if you’re worried about money....

This tit for tat framing is gay as fuck and really shows what a nice guy you are. Correct answer to her questioning your decision is to simply state.

I bought myself cigars. Any further inquisition should be met with fogging , amused mastery, and agree and amplify while sexualizing her criticism.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

How has no one posted the Arnold stogie interview yet?

https://youtu.be/DklAU4GNpxA

[–]mrpthrowa5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

How do grown ass man end up in a situation where spending their own money is a sin?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I don't want to give in and hand her all the power back

Ask yourself: if you had any power in the relationship to hand back, would you be on this sub asking this question?

You're completely in her frame and it's spelled out all over this post...

I spent money on something for myself and she found the receipt.

I should be able to spend my money on myself If I want, but the cover-up and lying made the situation worse.

Do I apologize for the lying or just continue to wait her out?

The common theme across all of this is that you're letting her feels dictate your life. Why? Cigars didn't ruin Christmas, and her bitching about cigars didn't ruin Christmas. Your refusal to own your shit (i.e "I wanted some cigars so I bought some") ruined Christmas. Keep working through the sidebar. WISNIFG is going to be good for you. It's the most tedious book you'll ever read but it will show you exactly how to handle these situations.

[–]Terminal-Psychosis1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

WISNIFG

This is a really excellent book for learning how to ground out manipulation.

Good assessment there too, Mr. Title.

[–]Madpuffin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

that's next going to get the audible version this weekend.

[–]Terminal-Psychosis2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Her making a huge fuss about it ruined X-Mass, not you.

I'd say next time just own up to buying whatever. Your money.

Don't apologize. Next time just be up front and make her deal with it.

Also, don't give in to her terror now. If she can't behave like an adult, she needs a time out.

[–]Madpuffin0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

the more i think about it this might be the way to go, wait her out and make changes moving forward.

I am ok with admitting I was wrong if that will help, but I am not going to apologize. Will have to figure out if I admit I was wrong or just STFU.

[–]jdogworld2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a perfect time to STFU. Move on. Don’t mention it. Light up a cigar on the back patio while she’s home and chill like you don’t have a care in the world.

[–]nantucketghost1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I love cigars. But you need to own up to it.

The short answer is yes. Apologize for the deceit. Tell her you were just trying to avoid a conflict (such as what you're having) and it not only was bad judgement but backfired.

Tell her you won't lie again (and seriously don't, there is absolutely no need to ever do that), but that you ARE going to spend some money on your hobbies you enjoy.

So yes, apologize (it says that you understand you were wrong). That's not giving her power, just stating a fact. Then say that you will be buying things for yourself once in a while - you still have the power and that you don't want to hear any complaining from her.

You only got there because you didn't want to hear her complain. Now, she gets to hear about what you're buying and you won't be hearing her complain.

Wait? Since Sunday? Damn brother. Then tell her you consider this matter over. Her being silent and you letting her is her exerting her power over you. No, she does not get her way on this one.

If she doesn't consider it over, tell her there is the door and go open it.

[–]sars4451 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

When you actually fuck up, you apologize.

[–]red88lobster1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

After you have read the sidebar maybe you should read Jordan Peterson's 12 rules for life. Lying is bad num nuts.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

You’ll get different answers. Generally RP is against apologizing, however I believe you should own your mistakes and if you hurt someone you should apologize. A red pilled man has no reason to lie. You own your actions and it’s up to your wife to accept them. Lying shows you’re weak and need her approval. The damage is done, and you need to own it, own the lie, and show you’re better then that. “Wife, I lied and you deserve better then that. Sorry. It won’t happen again”. Then drop it. Don’t ask for forgiveness, give her time to get over it and don’t do it again.

[–]SeamusAwl[🍰] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Lying about cigars is not something that he should apologize for, instead it should just be an acknowledgement of his mistake.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yes and no. He should not apologize for buying cigars. He should apologize for lying.

[–]SeamusAwl[🍰] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Why? She isn't upset that he lied. She is upset that he couldn't even own up to buying something so small. She is pissed she is married to a pussy.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Lol, truth to that. But lying is what made him a pussy not buying the cigars.

[–]SeamusAwl[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yup. I have never said otherwise.

[–]Madpuffin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

meant tell her i am done then stfu.

either way stfu

[–]Madpuffin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yeah that interview is priceless. Also points out my exact problem.

[–]Madpuffin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

obviously

[–]z2a1-90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't apologize, OYS and move on!!! Man up buttercup!



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