Question Regarding My Husband’s Treatment Of Our Son

Rian_Stone · 2018-02-28T18:08:17+00:00

Alpha_Engineer99 · 2018-02-28T16:28:17+00:00

I wouldn’t pick up my son if he had the flu either.

Parenting styles differ. I’m hard on my boys with homework and taking pride in their work, cleaning their rooms, I horse play, play rough, but also throw in comfort too. Just because I want to give them something I never had.

My dad was tough on me too but gave me my work ethic - which is the main reason I’m successful today. But I always felt I could never make him proud of me, never good enough. So, I’m making sure I let my boys know I’m proud of them and cuddle/comfort them as I see fit.

Stop over thinking it.

rocknrollchuck · 2018-02-28T16:34:17+00:00

I know husband loves him and would give him every single organ in his body if he needed to, but can our son grow up to be a secure and well adjusted young man being raised this way, or will he be resentful later on?

To give perspective, I feel like if it was a baby girl, he would not treat her the same. For example, if I asked him to carry me or to cuddle, he absolutely would. Hence why I’m wondering if this is fair.

Nope, it's not fair. Yep, that's just the way it is. Your husband wants to make sure his son mans up from the beginning. This is the difference between a father and a mother when it comes to parenting styles.

You will also find that as your child gets older, your husband will be more disciplinarian in his parenting style than you will be as the mother. Chances are, your son will do what his father says without question, while he will argue with you - because he will know he can get you to change your mind.

Ask me how I know...

BIG_HUB · 2018-02-28T16:35:49+00:00

Both of you play a very important part of raising your child. Children are like sponges and will learn from you both. Character, strength, right and wrong he will learn from you both. Your son needs your cuddles and his fathers strength. Both in the right balance develop character, compassion and mental toughness. I see no problems here.

justpickanyusername · 2018-02-28T16:41:41+00:00

Coach 'em hard and hug 'em later.

-Bear Bryant (Alabama Crimson Tide)

ex_addict_bro · 2018-02-28T17:14:53+00:00

Get 2 more kids.

1 kid... you all get focused on the single kid. He thinks he's a special snowflake.

2 kids... you get all focused on the younger one, so basically jealousy ensues and all that crap.

3 kids... you're happy when they don't break anything. It's not possible to control and/or helicopter-parent all of them at once. You miss PSAs. Kids have a healthy distance between themselves and the parent, even in today's world of gated communities.

3 kids strongly recommended. You know what to do.

HelloImRIGHT · 2018-02-28T16:56:41+00:00

At 5? I'm not sure I'd carry my son around unless I had to. He's been walking over three years I'm sure he has it under control. I wouldn't worry bout it.

SBIII · 2018-02-28T18:11:34+00:00

I don't think him being a bit of a hardasss on your son is a bad thing, but I don't think a father showing affection to his son is a bad thing either.

Still, if he gets affection from you and discipline from him, there's a good balance there.

I discipline my son more than my wife does and he seeks out affection from her more than he does from me. I ddiscipline my daughter more & controlher emotions better than my wife does and she comes to me more for comfort.

As long as there's a balance and they are getting postive roles to follow, it's all good.

[deleted] · 2018-02-28T18:15:25+00:00

Consider the lesson he may be trying to teach as well. Is the boy constantly being carried? Is he overly cuddly and your husband may want to curb that? If your husband rejects him at every turn, that's one thing (and as long as its not abusive, not entirely "wrong"). If however he sometimes shows a soft side, then there's nothing wrong with also showing a hard side. In fact it would be a disservice to not show him that sometimes people do not want to be emotionally open, or expose him to emotional difficulty and send him into life having never learned to deal with that.

red-sfpplus · 2018-02-28T16:39:17+00:00

Yeah. Flu = stay the fuck away from me.

I think a proper response would have been “bro your sick. I dont wanna get sick, you ok enough to walk?”

This empowers him, but also gives him an out if really needed.

“Are you dying” is something the faux alpha would say.

I do not “cuddle” with my son either. Yeah he will sit next to me a read a book or something. He doesn’t sleep in our bed either, never has. He also doesn’t get kisses at night anymore from me. He gets a high five or a fist bump.

He will cuddle with mom. My daughter cuddles with me. And rarely mom.

Its typical for people to cuddle with the opposite sex.

ReddJive · 2018-02-28T16:42:50+00:00

I would have done the same. Maybe not as "harsh".

Son: Will you carry me?

ME: kneel down I think you can walk. I think you're stronger then me.

Son: No, dad. You're bigger.

Husband: Prove it. carry me.

I get it though. Thing is if you both subscribe to RP theory or your husband is truly the masculine man every guy aspires he innately knows he has to grow his son fast. It's only 13 more years before he can enlist. Before he can live on his own.

Theres a lot of growing in there and boys particularly are encouraged to be "kids" for far longer then is acceptable.

Men and women give affection differently and particularly different for sons/daughters. A man's life isn't easy. It's hero to zero at any point. Being sick isn't an excuse. There is no slack. Not everyone will treat your son as you think he should be treated. He either earns (or commands) it in life or he doesn't get it.

I can give many stories of the things I have had to do despite being sick.

Title	Question Regarding My Husband’s Treatment Of Our Son
Author	alexa_lamb
Upvotes	0
Comments	22
Date	February 28, 2018 4:21 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/80x919/question_regarding_my_husbands_treatment_of_our/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/question-regarding-my-husbands-treatment-of-our.204760 https://theredarchive.com/post/204760

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