MRP is a way of clarifying what your goal really is and distinguishing your goal from your objective.

Think about it this way. The goal is not to “make a million dollars.” That’s the objective. The goal is to become the kind of person who makes a million dollars.

When you spend your time fretting about not having any idea how to get from where you are now to your first million and resenting wealthier people, you actually undermine yourself. Let me say that again. Focusing too much on the objective (the million dollars) distracts you from what you actually should be doing (becoming).

Ask yourself: what kind of person makes and keeps a million dollars? What are the personal qualities of this kind of person? (*I say “and keeps” to distinguish lottery winners and people with natural gifts such as sports figures, prostitutes and porn stars.)

For instance, if you think you might want to invent something that makes you millions, don’t walk around feeling upset that you can’t think of a fantastic new idea for a device to patent. Instead, you should forget about that and work relentlessly on becoming the kind of person who invents things. The idea will follow. Don’t know where to start? How about read a biography of Thomas Edison? You don’t need to go to engineering school. Most inventors haven’t. There is an abundance of self-study materials available--many if not most for free on the internet.

Likewise, the “wrong” goal is to desire to write a bestselling novel and feel frustrated that you don’t have time to take creative writing classes. The “right” goal is to become the kind of person who writes bestselling novels. When you think about it this way, the incremental steps become more clear. How about first studying up on people who are bestselling novelists? Tons of biographies out there.

This question --The Goal-- can be applied to any objective. For example, if networking is important to succeeding at your career, then what kind of person is good at networking? You should be working on becoming that kind of person.

Or, a Christian’s goal is not to “be more generous.” The goal for a Christian is to become the kind of person who is sacrificially generous.

MRP is a detailed plan for becoming the kind of person who has a devoted wife (among other things). The basic formula is, if you want a devoted wife, you become the kind of person who has a devoted wife. Don’t expect your wife to change--you can only control yourself. She’s not going to undertake a huge retooling program to please you. Plus, focusing too much on the object (devoted wife) can be an impediment to the real goal (becoming). Remember: once you you have become that kind of person, you will necessarily attract a devoted wife (the current one or the next).

The advice relentlessly-repeated to newcomers here (diet, read the sidebar, lift, STFU) contains the first baby steps along the path to becoming the kind of person who achieves the objective (devoted wife and flourishing marriage). Newbies are also told to “get out of her frame” which is a more profound way of saying that you need to completely stop being distracted by the objective (her) and put all your energy into the goal (becoming). One implication of practicing to be Outcome Independent is that you release the moment-by-moment distractions that can psychologically undermine your real goal of becoming a better man.

And one nice thing about making -becoming- your goal is that as you achieve each step--even the baby steps--things can happen fast. I can testify to that. My story is train wreck (for decades) to perfectly acceptable in a little over a month. And still not done by a very long shot, because the goal is not to make my marriage perfectly acceptable but to become a different man. And then I will necessarily have a spectacular marriage. Good luck.