Playing with your kids

thunderbeyond · 2017-07-30T09:22:51+00:00

Dad, 2 boys under 10. Kids crave your time. I dont know where I saw it but someone said that "kids spell love T-I-M-E". I.e. it is your presence they want. It is very true.

Having said that... don't just spend all of your time with them. Spend quality time with them. And also let them see you be a positive role-model by owning your shit.

So its... "no daddy can't play, (such and such) needs to be fixed. Once that's done, we can play." Kids need to be shown that work has to be done.

You can reinforce the "work before play" pattern. Which is going to save you a lot of heartache later on.

CrippleSlap · 2017-07-30T04:28:04+00:00

Engage with them daily. But not constantly. Kids need to learn how to play on their own with and without a parent

nooomaam · 2017-07-30T14:36:19+00:00

You set the example.

And anything can be play time.

WHen the kids crowd and "want it now", I calmly tell them what Daddy is busy with, and what could they do to keep themselves busy until it's play time again.

I then ask them what they'd love to do (keeping in mind what I'd love to do later). I steer them in that direction, and then I set a time and an event. From there, it's all about getting the excitement going.

I list out 4 jobs they need to do to get ready for it. And then when they come back, I ask how it's going, how could they make our time together awesome, and I tell them I can't wait.

And I can't. I'm pumped about having something awesome going on later.

ArthurTheAstronaut · 2017-07-30T21:36:37+00:00

Ah, it's nice to see other Dad's thinking about this.

I'm 26, and grew up with great, loving parents. But they were young, broke, and stressed so most of my playing was done alone until I was 4, when my sister when born. Then it was just us doing all the playing.

My mom would spend time with me, and Dad would spend time with me when he got home from work, but for the most part, my own entertainment was my responsibility.

Now that I have 2 kids of my own(8 and 6), I hold the belief that it's not my job to entertain them. Of course I love to play with them and spend time with them, but I don't feel it's my responsibility to keep them occupied every hour of the day.

FlyingSexistPig · 2017-07-30T03:59:56+00:00

I don't feel the need to constantly validate and interact with my kid. I make a point of spending some time each day with her, but it's always centered around a specific activity.

Some times it's going to the park. Sometimes it's a learning activity.

Westernhagen · 2017-07-30T04:25:13+00:00

Certainly not continuously and constantly. But I engage them and play with them every single day. They don't continuously want to play (they were much more like that when they were younger) so at this point when they do come and ask to play, I usually say yes.

Chinchilla_the_Hun · 2017-07-30T14:53:25+00:00

Kids will be gluttons for your attention if you let them and it ought to be moderated just like anything else you allocate with them - like sweets or screen time. As you noted, it's important to spend quality time when possible, and to prioritize important events with them (ball game, dance recital, etc.), though you shouldn't need to be an on-demand source of engagement.

I have 4 under 10yo and it'd be impossible to spend time with all of them in the amount each of them desire, so my wife and I encourage a lot of self play or cooperative play. When my folks come visit...my kids get drunk on attention because grandparents indulge nearly every whim and are radically available. So much so, that there's a noticeable "detox" period for 1-2 days after they leave.

Whether by their reactions or your own internal musings, you'll feel guilty about saying no. But I think there's a resource somewhere around this sub that addresses that....hmmm

Also, as others have mentioned already, it's a great idea to involve them in your projects or chores ("Daddy needs an assistant, who wants to help?") to the degree they're able to feel useful without getting in the way. You get your shit done and they get time with you. This has potential to increase their skill-set and can be a great platform for meaningful discussion.

screechhater · 2017-07-30T16:36:27+00:00

They will stop the craving at about 14 then it is up to you to carve time for the both of you. Done right, you build a man's man with it.

Don't let this time slip away. Yes get your shit done, but most of all, do as you say.

SgtSilverBack · 2017-07-30T21:55:54+00:00

Like what u/thunderbeyond said.

I also add some other stuff in. I try to get them to be with me while I OMS. Most of the stuff you do is a teachable moment to young kids that haven't seen all the things you have seen.

Painting over that one nail holes the wife made? Grab one of the kids and show them how being methodical and organized makes things easier. Show him how to paint and patch Mr. Miagi.

Cleaning the car? Show them that taking care of the things you put your money into extends to keeping things clean not just running.

Make it fun. It might take you longer but there will come a time you wish they would want to come do stuff with Dad.

rocknrollchuck · 2017-07-30T21:44:00+00:00

I agree with thunderbeyond, spend time with your kids AFTER taking care of your responsibilities.

All too soon they will not want to spend time with you anymore as they get older. Listen to the song "Cat's In the Cradle", it will give you some perspective.

stew7000 · 2017-07-31T08:23:51+00:00

Agree with thunderbeyond about quality > quantity. I've taken my son out for a father/son night and spent the 3 hours preoccupied with work, checking my phone, and other nonsense and it's ended up hurting our relationship more than helping it. By contrast, I've set a timer for 10 minutes, put my phone down and focused exclusively on my son (playing ball, wrestling, catching bugs, or whatever) and those 10 minutes end up being the highlight of the day and really strengthen our relationship.

drty_pr · 2017-07-31T22:08:28+00:00

It's BP conditioning that makes you think it's a necessity to constantly engage your children. Of course you spend time with them, but you're also shaping them into adults that know how to get theirs. When they see you hanging out with friends, cooking dinner, building in the garage, etc; they know that you are a man who knows how to get his. You should feel zero guilt for wanting you time.

A good gauge is if you feel you should spend more time, you're spending enough. If you know you should spend more time, you aren't.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-08-01T16:45:00+00:00

Helicopter dads are just as bad as helicopter moms.

Title	Playing with your kids
Author	Throwitaway9293
Upvotes	13
Comments	14
Date	July 30, 2017 2:35 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6qf1g7/playing_with_your_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/playing-with-your-kids.205783 https://theredarchive.com/post/205783

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