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FR plus semi main event from a lurker throwaway.

Reddit View
July 11, 2017
9 upvotes

First I just want to say, this forum is so appreciated. Like many, a light went off when I found it and spent since then consuming it all.

Background: 4 years ago, I met wife while on a work trip in South America (she was a local). We were both 27. We did backwards and forth for a year before an expedited wedding. (Expedited coz her Latino, religious Dad wouldn’t let her move to live with me without being married). I didn’t care, still don’t, I wanted to be with her and was sick of the backwards and forth so we got the wedding done, the visa sorted and she moved here. That was like 3 or 4 years ago.

1st year was good. But I slid to the BP. She's fiery, emotional and very stubborn (Latina). I can still say I slipped into BP because I loved her and wanted to keep her happy and keep the peace, silly me. Sex slowed way down in the 3rd year (and I started all the usual tricks like negotiating, complaining, and coverts). I took us to couples therapy for a year, spent tens of thousands and a lot of time. Got us no where so we stopped. Two good things this entire time, I kept my fitness up. Been lifting for 6 years solid now. She also maintains fitness/body. The second good thing is I always looked after the finances, still do, she wouldn’t have a clue. Spoken about kids many times. One day soon we’ve been saying for the past year or so. I think back to some things I did which were so BP its disgusting.

I'd dote on her like a bitch.

I'd wait for her to wake up on the weekends like a puppy dog.

I'd be the one apologizing and sucking up to her after she'd acted like a lunatic.

I'd argue with her about me wanting her to come to bed at the same time as me or I wouldn’t sleep right.

I'd ask her opinion on every action I took.

I'd say no to beers with the boys coz she'd go nuts at me for asking her if i could go.

She'd threaten to leave me every argument, i'd suck up and beg her not too and it would blow over. Disgusting I know. As I said, she is fiery by nature (Latina) and very emotional, cries over happy shit too. Very loving and nurturing but fiery as fuck (coz i'd allow it).

One year ago I would have said our SMV's were about the same. Both physically fit, her good latina looks and body, but that’s about it.

9 months ago after duty sex was down to once a fortnight, I found and swallowed the pill, currently 70% of side bar, most books are read. At pretty much the exact same time ( months ago), I got offered a huge promotion at work as a refinery manager out in a remote town. 290k per year, car, house, bills etc. We were very happy about the promotion and relocated. We settled well here, both made friends.

Around that time when we moved and I swallowed the pill, I started working on frame and my pathetic neediness. I already lifted so that didn’t need much work. I don’t feel I rambo'd, i just slowly stopped being so needy. Stopped acting like I needed sex, stopped being butthurt, stopped sucking up to her, stopped being pulled into her frame, stopped arguing with her over text. Stopped arguing with her full stop actually. Really built my frame and fogging/aa/am. Started making decisions (even about just little things). Kept busy, even on weekends, fixing the house, lifting etc. Dressed way better, shirts and good watches etc. I’ve kept a lot of the Beta qualities, love letters, buying gifts etc, but increased alpha a bit.

Sex and compliments increased, mainly i think because i pulled back on initiations and acted as if i DNGAF. She even started initiating.

Since then though, I feel my SMV could be overtaking hers, or perhaps already has. Obviously my finances have increased a lot, as has my status, especially in the small town that we are in (150 people). She still has her looks and body, but doesn’t have much else. Shes getting older (30). Small cash job teaching languages, dependant on me for her visa here. Needs me to have kids here too obviously. Since she left home, her immediate family have kinda spread out all over the world, so she only has her friends back where she came from. The one thing at my disadvantage is the remoteness of where we live. There are hardly any females here. Its either male's I work with or retirees. Very very rare to see a women under 30 here, my wifes one of the few. I feel this remoteness almost decreases my Sex market value because there is no Market! I cant just flirt with the girl at the checkout/restaurant and I cant just next my wife, coz there’s no next here. She knows it too.

Despite this, dread has set in a bit. She's mentioned a few times, that I don’t need her, and she absolutely hates when I have to occasionally travel to a city for work, gets dread jealous, wants to come, wonders where I am at the hotel at night etc. Its very rare I get to head to a city though.

So on came a form of main event. Came after a few days worth of small/trivial power struggles in a row which she pretty much couldn’t win (coz I control finances or whatever reason she couldn’t). She basically said i'm sick of making you happy, and that she was leaving me coz I wasn’t making her happy. Called her bluff and said go for it. She didnt. But she really is sulking about this. She wont divorce me, but has been sulking for more than 2 weeks now. Obviously no touching/kissing or worthy conversations. Just being depressed and unhappy. Whenever I question her on it, she just says, you know why, u don’t make me happy. I keep frame and DNGAF.

So question is: Am I on the right path here? Do I just leave her too it for a weeks and see if she gets over it? Will she be a sulky bitch forever? Will she withold the sex now forever? I cant dread her too far coz theres no other women here. I’m still pleasant, give her a peck on the cheek when I leave for work. She’s so angry that I seem unaffected by this. Thought and opinions appreciated. Burn me if I need it.


Post Information
Title FR plus semi main event from a lurker throwaway.
Author classicthrowaway86
Upvotes 9
Comments 22
Date 11 July 2017 07:48 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205889
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6mkrtx/fr_plus_semi_main_event_from_a_lurker_throwaway/
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Comments

[–]The_LitzRed Beret8 points9 points  (13 children) | Copy

She is hitting the wall with nowhere else to turn to so in the back of her mind it is spinning up the hamster wheel because she feels she no longer has total control of the relationship.

She is the one that is pissed off and it is up to her to sort her emotions like an adult. You cannot fold and apologise, that will undo everything you have done. There is in fact, nothing to apologise for. She needs to get over it herself.

I would suggest to make it easier for her. Have you shared your vision with her? Does she know she is on the team? Is she involved with the good running of the ship?

I personally don't know latinas on an intimate level but my guess is to match her fiery temperament you would have to engage with her more than usual. Are you too cold and distant? Are you thinking you are 'stoic' but in fact are just plain autistic? You know her better than us, you will know how much engagement she needs.

And now the BIG RED FLAG that you missed. Your SMV is way way lower than hers. She is one of a handful of hot women in a town consisting almost exclusively of men. Her SMV is through the roof. In a town like that front teeth and a pulse is a HB8.

Don't under estimate her value, she could pull a roughneck Chad in the blink of an eye. The only reason she hasn't is you make more than a decent salary, she wouldn't want to fuck up her golden egg laying goose.

[–]classicthrowaway860 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

Call me naive. But I disagree on her marker value. There are men in town yes. But we are a well known couple, I am the boss. She is the bosses wife. Not saying it's impossible. But the opportunity isn't there as we're all at work at the same time and off work at the same time. Plus someone would be risking losing there job. As well as that. She knows if she ever did anything like that, it's one phone call to immigration saying we're over at she has 72 hours to leave the country.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret13 points14 points  (8 children) | Copy

You're thinking logically, like a man. The other poster is right, her SMV is off the charts in a situation like you're describing. Wether you're the boss or not, if she wanted she could get new dick in that town in seconds.

You really think that your status would keep every other cock out of her in a town where she might literally be the only hot option? You're vastly underestimating the stupidity of men chasing pussy.

If she's not getting any strange in the side, it's only because she chooses not to. Not because those other guys are scared to fuck the bosses wife.

[–]classicthrowaway86-1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy

I don't think my status would completely keep other men away. A big one is, she knows she's outta the country in 72 hours at a phone call. She has built friends and a life here now. Again, not saying it's impossible, but it's difficult, and I monitor her phone/movements. And yes obviously her conscious choice too not to cheat

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

she's outta the country in 72 hours at a phone call.

How does that work? She is married to a U.S. citizen so thinking you can get her deported is a fools venture.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

You're missing the point, which is objectively her SMV is MUCH higher than yours in this circumstance.

She knows she's your best option. You may be able to have her deported but that has no impact on her SMV relative to yours. Something to think about.

[–]classicthrowaway86-2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yeah ok I hear you on her relative SMV. But mines still higher than any other male here, I can tell just by going down to the local pub and looking at the rednecks here. If hers was so much higher than mine then she would have left when I called her bluff.

I think in this town her SMV is higher because of more males, but I don't think it's really a market for her as I can remove her from it very quickly

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Jesus, you defend and argue your rightness a lot. Must be a lot of fun to be married to you.

The Latina thing is big. She expects you to be the latino man, not just a man's man. Man in charge of the house, man's word is the law, etc, even though she'll test twice as hard. So (slowly, eventually) you'll have to crank it up to eleven. Not to please her, but to be able to engage with her as a married man, and culturally her shit tests will also be cranked to eleven.

And while those guys at the pub might not have much more than a lifted pickup to their name, there's a lot of rednecks who aren't afraid to call a spade a spade and who don;t give a fuck what people think of them - that's attractive behaviour.

And town sounds boring - I know the lifestyle too. You need to bring a little fun into it. There might even be stuff like outdoors activity, off-roading, that would be fun to do together.

[–]SgtSilverBack2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn truth. I'm married to a mix Latina and she is a shit testing queen. Made a great sparring partner and really helped me devlop my frame. But OP has to do the work and not be afraid of her to step up his game. On a positive note, Latinas do seem to handle ramboing a bit better since it's close the the MEN they want anyway.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

mines still higher than any other male here,

According to YOU. Women are not attracted to the same things that men are, despite the lies they tell. A rugged, dirty, young free spirit Chad might just hit the spot and contrast nicely with her uptight, controlling husband.

[–]IAintThatGuy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A big one is, she knows she's outta the country in 72 hours at a phone call.

Isn't there an incentive for her to then claim abuse? There is this "domestic violence green card".

Imagine you activate the nuclear option : she has nothing to lose. Either she goes back to her country, and waits on a potential handout from you (and let's be honest : there's no fixing your relationship after that).

Or she cries abuse/rape/whatever (I think claiming "psychological abuse" might even work). She gets her green card. And she might even sue you for part of your assets. What does she have to lose here?

Even if it can be proven she's making shit up, they won't jail her for that, just send her back, which means (at worst for her) the same outcome as not claiming abuse.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow, you are very stupid.

[–]anythingincRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Around that time when we moved and I swallowed the pill,...Dressed way better, shirts and good watches etc. I’ve kept a lot of the Beta qualities, love letters, buying gifts etc, but increased alpha a bit.

Sex and compliments increased, mainly i think because i pulled back on initiations and acted as if i DNGAF. She even started initiating.

I was reading this thinking where is the problem? Sounds good man!

Came after a few days worth of small/trivial power struggles in a row which she pretty much couldn’t win (coz I control finances or whatever reason she couldn’t).

And so now....

She wont divorce me, but has been sulking for more than 2 weeks now. Obviously no touching/kissing or worthy conversations. Just being depressed and unhappy.

I think you are burying the lead here bro, you were doing everything right, everything was working and looking up, and then this 5000 word essay takes a hard corner in one sentence. That usually shows a dude who can't own his shit and/or be objective and introspective. "Power struggles" take "Power moves" and "ultimatums" and all sorts of other unattractive shit.

Whenever I question her on it, she just says, you know why, u don’t make me happy.

Still got that beta in you trying to beg mommy's forgiveness instead of being introspective about that one sentence.

If you fucked up and threatened her citizenship or welfare or something like that it is okay to own that and admit that you shouldn't have said it. Alphas get heated, your fiery latina got her papi riled up or some shit, whatever. Stop being autistic.

[–]rp_findingmyway5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Ok, so new wife is withholding sex and generally being a crank. I think she's bored out of her mind in that tiny town your brought her to. Sounds like you should just get her pregnant!

Making $290k per year really doesn't mean all that much when you're living in that kind of place.

To me this doesn't have much to do with her SMV in that town.

Your SMV is only starting its upward trajectory, although it's naturally capped while you're living in Mayberry. Hers is slowing going down. Why are you married to her? Are the original reasons still intact?

[–]mabden8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think she's bored out of her mind

Bingo!

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Book of Pook 101, don't be boring!

Doesn't matter how much higher your SMV is if you're boring. A woman will forgive anything for a high enough SMV man, except for being boring.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why is she worth keeping?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

i'm sick of making you happy, and that she was leaving me coz I wasn’t making her happy.

This may be YOUR main event but it is an extreme case if it is. Looks to me like a comfort test, not a Main Event.

I know you are flying high now, making big bucks and thinking that makes you more attractive. It doesn't. So let me remind you that your wife still has a LOT of power. She can still divorce you and take half your shit. She can force you to do this good job of yours until you fall over of a heart attack.

you know why, u don’t make me happy.

She is probably right. You know more than her about this issue. So what is it?

I think you have a wife who is isolated, scared, and lonely and that you have greatly compounded what could have been a bonding experience into a contest that you are determined to "win" at all costs.

She’s so angry that I seem unaffected by this.

She is angry so THE WORLD must be angry.

My advice? Take charge of this situation. Treat her like a 7 year old little girl who had a temper tantrum. Take her in your arms and reassure her. When she holds you and finally stops crying you will have "won" your Main Event.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't have any kids, you have more options than her. She is blaming you for her unhappiness? Why? Just be glad you do not have kids and you can ship her ungrateful ass back to the second world. Time for you to make up some good online profiles and get ready to either fly some hotties to you for some fun weekends, or you fly to them.

[–]rocknrollchuck-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

She'd threaten to leave me every argument

She basically said i'm sick of making you happy, and that she was leaving me coz I wasn’t making her happy. Called her bluff and said go for it. She didnt. But she really is sulking about this.

Instead of saying "Go for it", you should've said "Bye, I'll miss you!" said with a wink and a smile. The first statement is a challenge, the second evokes Feelz. Read The Way of the Superior Man, he gives some helpful advice for this kind of thing.

I cant dread her too far coz theres no other women here.

That doesn't matter if she THINKS you have options. The female hamster is your best friend here. Jack10 talks about this here - Passive Dread: Good

[–]TomHicks-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Send her back. Before she accuses you of violence and gets her green card that way.



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