Shit Test?

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May 27, 2017

So, we have 4 kids. I am with my oldest out of state on the other side of the country because she is in a competition. Admittedly, the competition is pretty long. We left Tuesday and won't get back until tomorrow. My wife has had the kids during this time at home while I am chaperoning the oldest.

During our time away two of the kids have been sick 90% of the time and the toddler managed to fall on a toy and gash his head requiring a visit to urgent care. So, it has been an eventful 3 or 4 days.

I just received the following text:

Child #4 still has the stomach flu. I. Am. So. Done. You guys have been gone way too long. I can't have anyone babysit for me because he has the flu. And don't tell me I'm over reacting. Can you catch a red eye flight without it costing a $1,000?

We are scheduled to fly out tomorrow around 2:00 and will arrive at 5:00 where she is supposed to pick me up.

I am thinking of just replying with the following:

Honey, we will be home tomorrow at 5:00. Hang in there.


Update: Ended up calling about 45 minutes after her text. She was much more calm and we talked for about 20 minutes. I think she just needed some moral support. I was able to stay positive, upbeat, and told her she was doing great (which I had done several times already this week). She had already talked herself out of the red eye flight idea before we even talked.

Post Information
Title Shit Test?
Author justpickanyusername
Upvotes 6
Comments 12
Date 27 May 2017 03:04 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
shit test

[–]BobbyPeru15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

She's clearly an emotional mess. This is a comfort test.

Don't text, call.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I gave her a call, but reached her voicemail. When she is at home she rarely has her phone on her.

I still plan on staying here until tomorrow as planned unless she can convince me otherwise. Their awards ceremony is tonight and she has been working on this for months. But, you are right I do need to talk to her and provide comfort.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

She just wants validation for all the work she did taking care of the kids. Tell her she's an awesome mom, let her bitch and moan and reassure her that you'll be home as soon as you can. If you can tease her a little and make her angry-laugh, that won't hurt either, but what she wants is social recognition for doing her job.

But what bobbyperu said is most important, this is a phone call problem, not a texting one, don't text her about it.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great advice. We already had our phone conversation. Fortunately, it went pretty much as you recommended and it ended really well with her upbeat and positive.

We new guys have tendency to go autistic. I'd like to think that I don't act like some of the others on here and then get reminded that I'm not there yet. We sometimes forget the beta comfort because we are trying so hard to up the alpha. Good reminder that both are necessary. At least I managed to get some things right whereas before I would probably have screwed everything up before RP.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Now is a good time to show some leadership.

Are there any family or close friends that you can call to help out? Get people mobilized on your wife's behalf.

Can you at least take care of dinners? "Babe, I'm gonna call and get some pizza delivered so you don't have to worry about dinner. And someone will be bringing you lunch tomorrow."

What other things can you handle long distance?

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good call. I already talked to her parents who are maybe 10 minutes away. She didn't want to get them sick which is why she didn't ask. Their my in laws so I don't care if they get sick, ha ha. Just kidding. They are actually pretty cool 90% of the time.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly this.

I'm sure your in laws are more than thrilled to help out, flu or not. They've raised kids with the flu before. I doubt they're scared of it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like she's legitimately under unanticipated stress and burden and she's put in effort to solve the problem. You might want to acknowledge her good work and provide some comfort, support and encouragement.

Can you catch a red eye flight without it costing a $1,000?

This is logistics, not a shit test.

You could fog it. Or you could check into it. Or tell her you looked into it and it's not possible.

[–]crimson_chris1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

So I will start by saying that I am in anger mode today. I just started reading The Manipulated Man. Part of me says fuck her. If the roles were reversed (wife was the out of town chaperone) OP could not call her bitching about how he can't handle the kids. If he did it would be a major devaluation of his manliness in the eyes of his wife. Par for the course, right?

Mr. Peru is right. Give her a call and try to take a load off for her. She needs her oak.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I just about screwed this one up. Good thing he was the first to comment and with the right answer. Maybe a lesson in how texts can be misread. When she said

And don't tell me I'm over reacting.

It comes off a little bitchy. Others here were able to see the context of the situation as a genuine cry for help. Had a really good talk with her where I felt like I handled things well. It also confirmed that this was a comfort test and she needed an oak.

Hindsight being 20/20, I probably should have been keeping an eye on this from afar. In the past, I have had tendency to get pulled into her bullshit. So, as part of RP I have been trying to stay out of getting pulled into her frame. Ideally, I probably should be leading her even from a distance thru my frame. We have been keeping in touch, but I can't say I've been leading well.

Thank you for the wise insight anonymous internet strangers that have good thoughts and ideas.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you handled it great, good luck with the rest of the competition. Maybe set something up to do when you get back that's relaxing/fun for the both of you.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Puking kids suck but we all know this. As said before this is a comfort test and a phone call is always best. Texting is for logistical purposes for most guys.

Call tell her she's doing well and give her some genuine validation. That's all she needs.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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