I figure it's time I introduce myself.
42, been married for almost 20 years, we have 2 boys. I came here, like so many others because I wasn't happy with my sex life. I would initiate with my wife every night of the week, horny or not so that by the weekend she would feel guilty enough to finally say yes. It was my routine for a long time. Eventually it started to stretch to 10 days, then 2 weeks etc...
She never starfished me however, she always got into it, orgasmed and would remain enthusiastic long enough for me to finish. However it was the same old positions, the same old way, lights off, in bed and we were always done in under 15 minutes.
I've been lifting weights since I was about 20. In high school I was FAT, knew NOTHING about nutrition. Took a class on nutrition in college, started lifting with some friends. It wasn't until I started reading here that I realized the "side benefits" of lifting.
Met my wife in college, 1st woman I met who had her shit together. Held my ground until marriage, that's when I started the beta slide. I was working 7 days a week after college making 6 figures, my wife was making a normal post college salary. We would fight over house chores, I felt that while I was at work on weekends, she should do the laundry, dishes etc.. She would say that she will only do those things when I'm there to do my share! This started my beta slide, I didn't know how to handle this shit test at the time.
I will admit, I went to fast. Had my wife calling lawyers, she was convinced I was having an affair. She was PISSED I would begin withdrawing affection when she would withdraw sex. She is the type to immediately jump to a self destructive reaction instead of trying to fix herself or the situation.
Finally she broke down and somewhat submitted. She was raised by an independent woman and a father who wanted a son. So she has a little tom boy attitude, can do anything a MAN can do etc.. My frame has gotten A LOT better, she tends to say things to bring me down to her level. They hurt, I was pissed and had trouble, even after all the reading, maintaining frame.
Now I see it for what it is, her hamster, feels and lack of filter. It doesn't bother me near as much anymore. I still have some work to do, but I can at least STFU and seem un-phased. Its amazing how quickly her attitude can change when you don't enter her frame. Its also amazing how much more fragile my frame is if I miss a few days in the gym!
I do everything now, I cook 95% of the meals in my home. I do 95% of the shopping in my home. I do about 60-70% of the laundry, dishes and other chores. It drives her crazy that I no longer just sit on the fucking couch and zone out to TV when there is shit to be done! She gets so antsy and nervous caught in my whirlwind of owning shit. She is starting to come around and do things without me asking her. She is also starting to ask for direction or how she can help. She comfort tests me constantly about what value she adds to my life besides a paycheck. She is worried I don't "need her", I just reply, "I don't need you, but I still want you".
Sex is anywhere any time unless the kids or some medical condition gets in the way. I take what I want in the bedroom now, I don't ask, I just do. Some things are still off the table, like anal. And just recently I asked her, during sex, who's pussy is this and she replied "yours". But then after sex, she quickly came back and said "you know its not yours, right". In her mind, I don't own her in any capacity. I just STFU and didn't respond. She can say that shit, but the soaked sheets say otherwise!
I struggle with fathering my boys. My youngest son can really push my buttons. My wife will coddle him and he will play her like he invented the violin. I'm setting boundaries with him and her. I try not to correct her in front of him and only set boundaries with her in private. This is hard when she is trying to discipline my oldest son however who she holds to a different standard. She will berate him until she makes him cry. She doesn't feel like he is respecting her or listening to her or taking her seriously until he shows some type of emotion. I'm not perfect, I loose my cool with my kids as well, but I quickly make up with them and correct myself, where she actually holds grudges. I've actually began to explain to my oldest why women act this way and am trying to get him to understand frame. While I expect him to respect his mother, I've explained that he doesn't have to get emotional or take her non-stop berating seriously.
I struggle with not getting unsolicited blow jobs. I know I don't deserve them and its something she has never really done in the past. I don't ask for them anymore, I take them as a warm up to sex and sometimes I finish with them. I need to internalize why its so important that she want to suck my dick to completion just because....
I struggle with her drinking. I drink maybe 2 nights a week, my drinking puts me in a laid back mood. Her drinking puts her in a shit testing mood. She struggles with a lot of insecurities, she can't even leave the house at 9am to go to one of our kids soccer games without a shot of vodka. Since my SMV is so much higher than hers, she is constantly comfort testing me about her weight, which she cannot lose because she drinks to much. I've approached her a few times about her drinking, she cries and knows its a problem. When she starts complaining about her not losing weight, I simply point out how much she's had to drink in the last week.
I struggle with my weight. While I have a lifters body, my percent body fat fluctuates between 12-18%. I love to cook, I love food. Intermittent fasting has helped with this. I coach both my boys soccer teams, during soccer season my time is very limited. I still lift, but the cardio I normally add to help offset my eating is usually put on hold. It's also hard when my SMV is higher than everyone else in my social circle. I know, not saying much these days given the country we live in! On a side note, my wife constantly complains during soccer season that I'm never home, even though I'm literally coaching her son!
I struggle with initiating and gaming my wife. Mainly because my need for validation from her goes unfulfilled. I still want her to initiate SOME type of affection, my wife doesn't cuddle after sex or any other time really. She rarely initiates any type of intimacy. I know this is MY JOB, but I struggle with the fact that she doesn't pine over me. I feel I deserve this even though I understand I don't. This isn't as bad as it used to be, it has gotten better both on my end of needing and her end of never doing. However I still struggle to game because most of the time she has a shitty attitude, either complaining about work or trying to explain to me why her life sucks. I need to learn how to bring her in my frame with teasing and A&A, but her drama can be relentless.
I am struggling with finding my purpose in life outside my family. What do I fucking want? I have recently started back into one of my long time hobbies and it gets me out of the house 1 night a week. Outside of that, I'm still at a loss! I honestly don't know what makes me happy...
I struggle with the hypocrisy that is feminism! Now that I can see, its hard to keep my mouth shut!
Work I've done
I've read the sidebar and all the recommended reading material. I have to go back and reference quite a bit as I learn more from doing than just reading comprehension. I find that reading MRP and askmrp for a few minutes a day keeps my head in the game so to speak.
Despite my injuries, I maintain a lifting regimen. I can no longer power lift and years of over training chest and not enough back has really taken its toll on me. I'm currently trying to correct this problem.
I used to DEER everything! The understanding of this has been monumental in my ability to handle my wife! Understanding that her words mean shit and her actions mean everything is a game changer.
I flirt more and am more receptive to women's advances. I look for IOI's and I'm overtly friendly with all women, ugly or hot. My wife has taken notice of this...
I upped my wardrobe. I no longer wear t-shirts ever, unless I'm working out or in the yard. I no longer wear tennis shoes EVERY day! Brown shoes and a matching belt for me! My wife comes home and immediately gets into her pj's. I remain looking nice until I go to bed!
I take the lead. Its true, women, despite what they say, really don't want to make decisions. I no longer ask what she wants for dinner, I just make dinner. I handle all the finances, really always have, she hates that shit and wants no part in my investment decisions. I'm fortunate that she isn't a big spender, rarely buys clothes or frivolous things and given her income, I don't feel it necessary to put her on a budget.
Well that's me in a nutshell as it pertains to my MRP journey. I'm lucky to have a friend that was actually learning this before me. Having him to talk to is probably why I haven't posted before. This is my 1st post on reddit. I've done some research into formatting, but without a preview button I have no idea what it's going to look like after i hit submit!