How do you split the bills?

UEMcGill · 2017-01-10T19:14:22+00:00

My wife was a SAHM until recently. I paid all the bills, and gave her cash. She put that into envelops.. We went through a couple of learning cycles, as she had a hard time grasping if you ran out of money you were shit out of luck. She didn't grasp borrowing from another envelope. The other part was I had to sit her down an show her the paper trail. X dollars for mortgage, Y dollars for preschool, etc. She had a hard time understanding why things were tight when I make 6 figures. It was a hard thing for her to grasp that $25 dollars here, $100 dollars there, and pretty soon you're talking $1000's. Plus I have a good savings plan, and retirement plan and some contingencies. After going through all of this she was like, "I had no idea".

Yeah it takes money to run a household of 5 people in one of the most expensive states in the country.

You want to be a caregiver not a caretaker in this situation. In order to be an elite Alpha-Provider you need to build your life so that she can be an active participant, or ejected upon failing follow the Captain. I've built my life to be a system of solutions. The biggest take away from the linked passage: Caretakers worry; caregivers take action and solve problems. Give freely and without expectation of anything in return. If she still brings value to your life, you've done it.

mrpCamper · 2017-01-10T19:24:12+00:00

My wife makes a good income, almost as much as me. I control the bank accounts, investments, loans, etc. She's pretty stingy so I trust her to buy whatever she wants. It's usually little kid stuff or crap for the house. I usually outspend her. I make her pay all of her student loans. I'm not getting stuck with those if things go south.

Most of all, we live way below our means. For a privileged rich girl, she's got a healthy fear of going bankrupt. Keeps things running smoothly

cholomite · 2017-01-10T18:40:54+00:00

I factor bills into the overall well being of our home. I always make sure she puts in half, at the very least. What that half is can be up to you. I pay many of the bills, but I make sure she makes up for it on her end by cleaning and taking care of other stuff. Don't be afraid to have high standards for your woman, remember, you want her to invest in you, not the other way around.

ZimmermannsHammer · 2017-01-10T22:18:41+00:00

Don't be afraid to have high standards for your woman, remember, you want her to invest in you, not the other way around.

Well, what are YOU investing in her well being? One cannot only take you know...

bangorlol · 2017-01-11T02:29:20+00:00

I pay for everything while wife gets her doctorate in the medical field.

moosedildo · 2017-01-11T02:40:52+00:00

Everything is on Mint. I get an alert when >$50 is spent via any method. Give her credit cards and instructions on which to use for what purpose (to max rewards if you're into that thing).

If she is responsible give her more leeway. If you're double income either one or both of you should be maxing out 401k or putting it into a separate account for home downpayment. Money should be working for you. My wife is risk averse and was horrified that I had "so much money" in the market. But i showed her the dividends and how I've made good investments.

Nothing here different from r/personalfinance other than the fact that you need to take big time control of the finance ship.

[deleted] · 2017-01-11T02:58:09+00:00

I suppose this was the only category I was alpha in before marriage:

Give me all your money, I will handle the finances, you will never want for lack of home, money to spend on fun stuff, and economic security. You have X dollars to spend each month and that's it. She actually follows this really well.

screechhater · 2017-01-11T04:28:16+00:00

If you don't see up a budget and stick to it, the cash will run through your fingers. 50/50 if you have no experience.

My mil doesn't have a fucking dime at 71. Guess who learned from her ? My wife makes good money but is Fucking clueless beyond my wildest imagination when it comes to money

drty_pr · 2017-01-11T06:12:21+00:00

Split the bills equally in proportion to your wage differential. This includes savings. You determine these figures by making a black and white budget with no room for error. Make sure she pays out of her own bank account. If she fails, she revokes her responsibility and you become the master of the treasury.

[deleted] · 2017-01-10T18:31:23+00:00

I give her a dollar amount, tell her to put it into the joint account before the 1st.

the more cost I take on, the more inflated sense of financial freedom she has. Women suck at money, give an inch, they take a mile.

money has nothing to do with alpha, alpha is owning your family unit, finance it how you like

Title	How do you split the bills?
Author	wild_deer_man
Upvotes	0
Comments	12
Date	January 10, 2017 6:15 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5n6mk5/how_do_you_split_the_bills/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/how-do-you-split-the-bills.206666 https://theredarchive.com/post/206666