Starfish/sex turn downs

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November 7, 2016

Hey all, I've read most of the sidebar books and am currently in a long term relationship with a woman for the last 3 years.

We have some real good sex sometimes, but it seems every few weeks the excuses happen again. Tonight, she was starfish so I got off her and said "it doesn't seem like your in the mood", and I said I'm going to sleep. She made a few more excuses, and I just said cool, goodnight.

Is there a good way to handle this at bed time? During the day I can just leave, but what about night? Perhaps I said the wrong stuff and looked like a beta as well?

Edit: I played it cool and didn't get upset

Post Information
Title Starfish/sex turn downs
Author cBIGONE
Upvotes 8
Comments 35
Date 07 November 2016 06:24 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betalong term relationship

[–]PersaeusRed Beret7 points8 points  (9 children) | Copy

Give fewer fucks, if she is not in the mood let her own that . You are not required to participate in lame sex and are not responsible for her feelz.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Assuming you did not act butthurt, and approached this as a man with choices and a friendly demeanor, you did fine. The big question is what did she do the next day?

If leaving would be a shitty move, just go to sleep. Many here only initiate when they would be leaving anyway, except at night. Takes all the potential drama out of it and seems like you, again, are a man that has choices and have a friendly charming, not beta, demeanor.

Again, I think you did fine. Keep at it.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Rarely happens, but when she starfish especially on me, I turn her over, fuck her doggy and hard, cum in her, then immediately pull out put my pants on and go eat and watch TV, leaving her to lay alone wondering wtf just happened.

If she wants to act like a despondent hooker, I'll treat her like one.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Finish anyway. I don't think there's a way you could have done that without looking butthurt. When you're done, just get up right away without saying a word and wash up or whatever you normally do.

If you can't finish because you feel like you're fucking a dead fish, just tell her you're not feeling it, and let's revisit it another night. Don't say a word about the starfish though. You can't negotiate desire, and it makes you look weak if you try. Perception of weakness = even less attraction. Her hamster will go to work.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Just use it as exercise to see how long you can last. At some point solid pumping turns the situation around or it's a sign you got some gaming and other work to do

I have never gotten off the horse. I have heard the I'm drying up so I have grabbed the KY and guess what ? I just keep pumping

YMMV I have always thought starfish was duty. I got a duty to me too.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It's not so much "if she is a starfish/hard no, leave", it's "if she is a starfish/hard no go do the other cool stuff you had planned". If it's 11:00pm and you don't have plans and work tomorrow, go to bed. If it's 5:00pm and you don't have anything you want to go do...then you need to start filling your life with those things.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don't think you looked like a Beta to your wife. You look like a Beta to us, however. Why the second guessing?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Fuck, you know, I'm tired too. We need one of those moving beds so it can do all the work for us.

Didn't realize it was so late; I gotta get up in the morning and work out.

Jesus fuck, doing all those squats and deadlifts really take it out of me.

Sniff your armpit. Good God, I stink. I need to go take a shower. Then come back and not be in the mood; just really relaxed from a hot shower.

[–]ProbablyAMonkey-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think how she takes your response is primarily dependent on what's going on outside of sex. I'm a noob, swallowed the pill about 5 months ago, and I have been moving slowly but steadily along dread (and lifting 100% consistently--that's been the best part by far).

A few nights ago, after the kids were in bed, I was getting flirty with the wife. She's giggling, etc. Score! We go upstairs, brush teeth, and I start kissing her. Instantly get the weak ass "I'm letting you kiss me but I'm not into it" response (soft no #1). I start to do more, and bam, there's the offer of starfish. "I'm tired, you can do it if you go get the lube and don't take too long." (YOU can do it...really sexy, right?)

Normally, thirsty me would have jumped at this, but instead I leaned over, gave her a kiss on the forward, told her I loved her and rolled over to go to sleep.

She doesn't move--it was one of those moments where the tension (all from her--I was fine!) was almost palpable. I could almost hear the hamster at work.

She says "You...don't want to have sex...?"

I say "It's all good--I actually want to get up early to go workout. Night pet-name!" (I honestly DNGAF, so I didn't sound butthurt at all.)

There's total silence for about 30 seconds, and then she rolls over to go to sleep.

Next morning, I get woken up with a BJ. It's been years since that has happened.

Thirsty beta me used to tell her, when I was talking about how sex was important to me and our relationship (ugh--makes me sick thinking about these conversations now), that I loved being woken up with a hand or mouth on my cock. I even asked for that for my birthday before (double ugh). Just like the lava cake guy whose wife never could get her shit together to make a lava cake one day a year, wife would never wake me up that way.

It's amazing when shit just works, huh?

[–]KyfhoMyoba-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

What level of Dread. Game. Are you at? Really?

Take it up a notch or two.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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