I thought I had done everything right. 18 years of marriage, 4 kids (16 to 5), good career, nice house and great standard of living. I had done everything I was taught to do by society and the examples I had in my life. I had busted my ass building a life that I thought made me worth desiring. Career wise, I commanded a 6-figure income, technology executive of a medium-sized business, lots of accomplishments, but none of that mattered. 5’10”, 200 LBS. Wife leaves me in May. She moved out saying, “I love you but I’m not in love with you.” I was left hollow with nowhere to go. I Googled ILYBINILWY and found MRP. Athol Kay has some interesting things to say about ILYBINILWY in MMSLP, but back to my story.
I was beta to the core in my marriage and many aspects of my life. MRP began to make so much sense to me and I became angry. Really angry with my wife, my circumstances and ultimately, myself. It was so easy to blame everyone else [Complete blue pill confirmation]. It burned down real deep.
I resolved that I had to take back my life. Resolving to do something, especially in the heat of anger and emotion is easy. Following through is difficult. More back-story. I lost a 6-figure job in January and was trying to start a business. It wasn’t growing fast enough and ready funds were dwindling. In my first few days lurking, there was a comment about priorities of a high value male. If a male can’t provide, then sex is the least of his problems. This crystalized my thinking and priority list. I bought all the side bar books and began reading.
Business went into 1st gear and job hunt into high gear. Fitness/lifting became a priority. It took me 65 days to land another 6-figure job. In those 65 days, I went from 200 lbs to under 180 lbs. Running almost every day and working the 5X5 strong lifts app. I still completely suck at both. Resolving to do something is easy, following through is hard. I have so much work to do here and need substantially more progress.
Being full of anger just makes me mean and grumpy and who wants to be around that? Notwithstanding that, all I could do was fake it till I make it. I STFU and just plowed ahead. I broke a major rule in that I thought I could “act” Alpha before I actually deserved to “be” Alpha in my marriage. She saw right through that bullshit and I almost blew up what was left of my marriage. But I didn’t quite nuke everything and forged ahead. I began to try and own my shit. I was terribly clumsy at first. I struggled to even recognize shit tests, let alone pass them. STFU was all I could do at times. Wife begins to see positive changes in me and in in mid-July decided to move back in and “try again.”
As the Dad-bod weight came off and I nailed a great job, I began to see what I could become in my personal relationship. I began to see that I didn’t need the validation from her anymore and instead of faking DGAF, I actually began to DGAF. In late July, my buddy noticed some changes in me and asked about them. I was just finishing NMMNG and explained some RP ideas. I gave him the book to take a look at as he was in a similar situation. For some reason, he thought it was a good idea for him to go home and tell his very feminist wife all about RP and what I was getting into. She is wife’s friend and immediately felt the need to “warn her” about what I was getting into. Que giant shit storm!
Now at this point, I had been trying to learn how to watch what she does instead of listening to what she says. I had been working on DGAF and focusing on what was best for me. I needed to fill my void and find validation from within me, not from her.
So … she begins to lay into me about how I am being swindled by a men’s rights group … blah … turn you into a misogynist … blah … become an asshole … blah, blah, blah. It was about 30 minutes and I just STFU and watched. I focused on my FRAME and did everything I could to avoid hers. In the beginning, her body language was closed up, arms folded and lots of teary-eyed emotions. I just watched. As I held frame, over the course of 20 minutes, the tears stopped, the arms unfolded and her stance actually turned into one of those feminine “S” curves like when a woman is swinging her hip to try and exude sexuality. At this point, I think she realized I was quietly laughing and not buying anything she was selling. She then (as a last gasp) “lays down the law” that I both give up and swear off MRP or our marriage is over!
I burst out laughing. I then told her that there is no way I am giving up MRP and if we couldn’t endure me studying masculine ideas on a website then our marriage didn’t deserve to survive! Her arms drop to her sides and mouth drops open, speechless. I thought “what do I have to loose” and threw her on the bed, kissed her deeply and in the process of feeling her, I realized she was wetter than 2 lipstick lesbians wrestling in a massive Jell-O pit! I then figured out what “caveman” meant. Holy Shit Captain!
There is no way I am giving up this community and I am here asking for help. I am still really angry after 3 months of this and thought I would have felt differently by now. I believe it’s my ego struggling to survive. I believe it is my BP ways refusing to die. I need help. I need you to break a few baseball bats over my BP head and several swift kicks to the balls to help me see where I am screwing this up. I need help identifying my weakness and advice on how to better overcome it. I can keep going on my own, but I believe that with mentorship, my growth won’t be as steep a struggle as it has been. Many of you have already been where I am at and know a good way out.
Will you help me?
TLDR; Wife leaves. Find and start MRP. Make minimal gains. Wife moves back. Share MRP with buddy. Buddy tells his wife who tells mine. Major shit test. Hold frame, wife sees real masculinity, gets wet and cave man ensues. BP tendencies need killing. Asking for help.