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Passed 1st Major Shit Test

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August 13, 2016

I thought I had done everything right. 18 years of marriage, 4 kids (16 to 5), good career, nice house and great standard of living. I had done everything I was taught to do by society and the examples I had in my life. I had busted my ass building a life that I thought made me worth desiring. Career wise, I commanded a 6-figure income, technology executive of a medium-sized business, lots of accomplishments, but none of that mattered. 5’10”, 200 LBS. Wife leaves me in May. She moved out saying, “I love you but I’m not in love with you.” I was left hollow with nowhere to go. I Googled ILYBINILWY and found MRP. Athol Kay has some interesting things to say about ILYBINILWY in MMSLP, but back to my story.

I was beta to the core in my marriage and many aspects of my life. MRP began to make so much sense to me and I became angry. Really angry with my wife, my circumstances and ultimately, myself. It was so easy to blame everyone else [Complete blue pill confirmation]. It burned down real deep.

I resolved that I had to take back my life. Resolving to do something, especially in the heat of anger and emotion is easy. Following through is difficult. More back-story. I lost a 6-figure job in January and was trying to start a business. It wasn’t growing fast enough and ready funds were dwindling. In my first few days lurking, there was a comment about priorities of a high value male. If a male can’t provide, then sex is the least of his problems. This crystalized my thinking and priority list. I bought all the side bar books and began reading.

Business went into 1st gear and job hunt into high gear. Fitness/lifting became a priority. It took me 65 days to land another 6-figure job. In those 65 days, I went from 200 lbs to under 180 lbs. Running almost every day and working the 5X5 strong lifts app. I still completely suck at both. Resolving to do something is easy, following through is hard. I have so much work to do here and need substantially more progress.

Being full of anger just makes me mean and grumpy and who wants to be around that? Notwithstanding that, all I could do was fake it till I make it. I STFU and just plowed ahead. I broke a major rule in that I thought I could “act” Alpha before I actually deserved to “be” Alpha in my marriage. She saw right through that bullshit and I almost blew up what was left of my marriage. But I didn’t quite nuke everything and forged ahead. I began to try and own my shit. I was terribly clumsy at first. I struggled to even recognize shit tests, let alone pass them. STFU was all I could do at times. Wife begins to see positive changes in me and in in mid-July decided to move back in and “try again.”

As the Dad-bod weight came off and I nailed a great job, I began to see what I could become in my personal relationship. I began to see that I didn’t need the validation from her anymore and instead of faking DGAF, I actually began to DGAF. In late July, my buddy noticed some changes in me and asked about them. I was just finishing NMMNG and explained some RP ideas. I gave him the book to take a look at as he was in a similar situation. For some reason, he thought it was a good idea for him to go home and tell his very feminist wife all about RP and what I was getting into. She is wife’s friend and immediately felt the need to “warn her” about what I was getting into. Que giant shit storm!

Now at this point, I had been trying to learn how to watch what she does instead of listening to what she says. I had been working on DGAF and focusing on what was best for me. I needed to fill my void and find validation from within me, not from her.

So … she begins to lay into me about how I am being swindled by a men’s rights group … blah … turn you into a misogynist … blah … become an asshole … blah, blah, blah. It was about 30 minutes and I just STFU and watched. I focused on my FRAME and did everything I could to avoid hers. In the beginning, her body language was closed up, arms folded and lots of teary-eyed emotions. I just watched. As I held frame, over the course of 20 minutes, the tears stopped, the arms unfolded and her stance actually turned into one of those feminine “S” curves like when a woman is swinging her hip to try and exude sexuality. At this point, I think she realized I was quietly laughing and not buying anything she was selling. She then (as a last gasp) “lays down the law” that I both give up and swear off MRP or our marriage is over!

I burst out laughing. I then told her that there is no way I am giving up MRP and if we couldn’t endure me studying masculine ideas on a website then our marriage didn’t deserve to survive! Her arms drop to her sides and mouth drops open, speechless. I thought “what do I have to loose” and threw her on the bed, kissed her deeply and in the process of feeling her, I realized she was wetter than 2 lipstick lesbians wrestling in a massive Jell-O pit! I then figured out what “caveman” meant. Holy Shit Captain!

There is no way I am giving up this community and I am here asking for help. I am still really angry after 3 months of this and thought I would have felt differently by now. I believe it’s my ego struggling to survive. I believe it is my BP ways refusing to die. I need help. I need you to break a few baseball bats over my BP head and several swift kicks to the balls to help me see where I am screwing this up. I need help identifying my weakness and advice on how to better overcome it. I can keep going on my own, but I believe that with mentorship, my growth won’t be as steep a struggle as it has been. Many of you have already been where I am at and know a good way out.

Will you help me?

TLDR; Wife leaves. Find and start MRP. Make minimal gains. Wife moves back. Share MRP with buddy. Buddy tells his wife who tells mine. Major shit test. Hold frame, wife sees real masculinity, gets wet and cave man ensues. BP tendencies need killing. Asking for help.

Post Information
Title Passed 1st Major Shit Test
Author RecoveringBPAddict
Upvotes 7
Comments 21
Date 13 August 2016 05:45 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
alphabetaframeshit testliftILYBINILWYthe blue pillfeministNMMNG

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I am still really angry after 3 months

3 months isn't very long. You're just starting to shift the blame from her and society onto yourself.
Handing someone a sidebar book is one thing, but try to avoid talking about the red pill. It's the kick in the pants that many guys need, but some people can't put it into perspective.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. I broke the first rule of fight club and it blew up in my face. STFU clearly works with more than just my wife.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, it's like the first rule of fight club.

When I talk about "it", I talk about why my wife was attracted to me initially (physically fit, decisive, strong personal frame, strong social network, OI, she looked /up/ to me) and how I let all of those go. Even feminist types can see that without objection and they don't object to me rebuilding my social/physical/mental game while adding value.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is gold! I have been struggling with how to address all this since she look at TRP and MRP. This is great framing to move forward. Thanks.

[–]Olderpiller0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You are doing fine. As others said. 3 months are just phase 1. I have been at it for a year and yet I still get pissed of at her instead of myself way to often. With time I learned to sftu And redirect the anger to productive activity. But I am far from perfect.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

With time I learned to sftu And redirect the anger to productive activity.

Heh. I was victim puking to my brother on the phone today and suddenly said "actually, I've got an appointment to meet a guy to lift in and hour and I have some painting to do, I'd better get busy."

Victim Puking doesn't make me feel better; getting busy does - I feel productive and I'm focused on something I can improve.

No deep insight there, just a little correlation. I'm early in the game too.

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

30 minutes. You say there for 30 fucking minutes?

After 5, I would have just said, excuse me and walked out to lift. That's fucking bullshit, you are busy man and have shit to do.

Didn't this woman effectively leave you? That whole "ILUBNILWU" crap?

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wow. When you put it that way, it makes me sound like a big chump. I need help reframing things still. I don't want to nuke everything and I'm still trying to balance the beta vs alpha that MMSLP talks about. If I move too fast I'm worried it will just blow up in my face. I like the framing you point out though. It gives me a different way to look at things.

[–]blarggggggggggg0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I think NMMNG is a good 'red pill lite' book to give to other guys but beyond that I'd steer clear of recommending any other red pill stuff. After that book, they'll find their own way if they're ready.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a really good point. Part of me is like "guys, this stuff can change your life!" but if they don't want to know what really motivates their wives, then you can't make them swallow the pill. I found my way here when I was ready. You are right. They will too.

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Do you hear that whimpering in the background? That's your ego dying... You've killed it. That's a big step.

The rest is time coupled with work.

Any post I've made here is an attempt to solidify what I've formed in my head. You guys either like it or tear it apart. Upside is some guys learn from what I've written and I get a sense of how to adjust my thinking if needed. You could try the same to speed up your process.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I hadn't thought of trying this. I think my ego was too afraid of the ass tearing I see so many get in these forums. Lots of it is dumbass stuff and they deserve it. I see that your frame extends to what people say here and you take what works for you and leave the rest. I need to grow my frame to do this too.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

OPs ego isn't dead just yet. Not criticizing, this is a good start. But anytime a guy posts only the good stuff and shows how it all fits perfectly with MRP dogma, I know his ego is filtering things. Nobody makes this journey without fucking up over and over again. Post your fuck ups, along with what you think you should have done instead. That's the good stuff.

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Actually I agree. I should have left out the "You've killed it" part...would have been more accurate. I was feeling generous. I had just eaten some good steak.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are right. I need somewhere to vent my idiocy and this would be the best place to analyze my fuckups.

[–]marin_guy0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Very enjoyable post man. Keep going.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I will try to keep them coming.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

OK Rambo, steady there.

No Red Knighting for now. Other blue pill pussies want to drag you back into the cestpool. Your friend proved that to you. You can't even be pissed off with him, he doesn't know better. Misery loves company.

I can understand you don't want to nuke the relationship just yet, but effectively your wife has already done that by moving out.

Wife begins to see positive changes in me and in in mid-July decided to move back in and “try again.”

You see the problem here don't you? She decided to come back. She decided to give it another chance. Your ego can say you decided but your sub-concious has already stated in your post she was the one in power dictating her desires.

Now for the good news. You are already improving and you are here. Keep it up. STFU and stay focused.

[–]RecoveringBPAddict[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I can understand you don't want to nuke the relationship just yet, but effectively your wife has already done that by moving out.

So are you saying that effectively we are done? I hope your opinion would be that I need to recognize where the power dynamic is right now and that focusing on my improvement, internal validation and RP mental skill set is the only way forward.

My older kids have already come to me privately asking me not to divorce Mom. It really cuts me deep that they are in the middle of this and I want to put their innocent needs first, but at the same time, I won't model an unhealthy relationship dynamic for my 3 sons. I have got to figure out a balance that maximizes the best options for an "Alpha family" while ensuring my personal progress and growth.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yip you got it. The power dynamic is in her favour. In any relationship the person with the least too lose is in a position of power.

Once you cultivate an abundance mentality ie. she is replaceable because you can find someone equal or better than her because you are the prize, that dynamic shifts where you stand to gain more by her leaving.

Currently in your relationship she left you when you lost your job and then decided to come back when you got a new job. That coincidence is what I have trouble digesting. She was just securing resources and masquaraded her activities as 'giving it another chance' and 'for the good of the kids' etc etc.

I won't even go into the other option that there was someone else, but don't be blind to that scenario.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I may not have slept at all for 3 months after I read mmslp. Yes passing shit tests makes them wet. Who knew, right? Wait till you read sex God method.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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