It's crazy how much it takes to create the motivation to "wake up".
This is a continuation of my original post:
I looked in the mirror today to realize I wouldn't fuck me. I need to fucking change that.
I have known about TRP for the last 2ish years or so, but I didn't really internalize much. I didn't really "get it". It's easy to intellectualize some of the concepts, but it's not the same as feeling it to the core of your being.
Today was my awakening. I hit my rock bottom as a beta/blue piller in the above post/situation. I have made some awful decisions in my life when it's come to my priorities, health, and my relationships.
I have spent so much time and energy worrying about my relationship, that I let myself go. I didn't have my own goals. I didn't really care about myself. I thought I was a kind/good person that wanted the best life for myself and my partner.
Being the nice guy is a lie I told myself to make me feel better.
At the end of the day, I was nice, kind, and caring for my partner because I wanted sex.
I was not doing it because I wanted to or for any other reason, but I somehow managed to convince myself I was a nice guy. The nice guy pill was sooo far down there that it took a miscarriage/rock bottom in my current relationship for me to spit it out.
I finally realized it. I'm a lazy fat fuck. I eat too much. I don't exercise. Being a good provider due to a good career is not all that it takes to have a good relationship, and any relationship issues I have now are just a symptom of me being lazy.
I wonder if there is a way to internalize TRP without going through a rock bottom. I know that's what it took for me.
These are my current priorities:
- Myself. I need to work on myself and my own goals.
- Lift. I need this to make me healthy in both mind and body.
- Food. I need a healthy relationship with food and to eat healthy.
From there, I can continue reading and learning TRP stuff, but I think I need to start with the above.
Thank you to this community for helping me realize this. You are extremely supportive and say how-it-is even if it sounds assholish. I really needed that. I need to take this realization and put it into action starting now.